I will never forget my very first Porch Day... When I was only ten years old, I lurked Bungie.net's #Offtopic board, and learned about a holiday coveted by the Flood. I too wanted to celebrate, but my family was impoverished and our house did not have a porch for anyone to show up on. I decided to change that, and after spending a year saving up my allowance, I went to Home Depot and purchased as many porch construction supplies as I could and returned to my home. I got to work, but being only a child I knew nothing about constructing a well furnished porch. The end result looked like dog crap...literally. My onion flavored guardsman arose from his drunken stupor to judge my efforts. "What the hell is this supposed to be?!" He laughed. "A-a porch..." I sputter, tears filling my eyes. "It looks like you nailed a pile of planks together and doused it in furnish." With one light stomp, my onion flavored guardsman caused my ramshackle porch to collapse. Laughing, he returned inside to drink and watch TV as I burst into tears. I sat on the ground sobbing, watching the sunset. I had given my all building that porch...and it was all for nothing. Porch day was almost over and now I have no porch. Suddenly the overwhelming stench of furnished wood filled my nostrils. It smelled exactly like a...loot crate?! I turn around to see-oh my Onion Flavored Guardsman! Could it be?! "Howdy, onion flavored guardsman!" said The Ultimate Onion Flavored Guardsman, "Looks like you made your porch to be like it's not included in the DLC." He strode forth and cracked his knuckles. "Lets fix that." Suddenly the planks began magically rearranging themselves into a finely constructed, smooth surface. The knots in the wood disappeared, the grain had become flawless and the furnish stains had become polished and smooth. The symmetry of the planks had become a flawless pattern, its edges neat and square. Soon the planks settled and the very surface of the porch looked like the lid of a freshly furnished loot crate. Laughing and crying I run towards my God and hug him. Suddenly the ground began to shake as millions upon millions of puppies stormed down the street towards us, the stampede of fluff, fuzz, and cuteness caused onlookers to flee at the very sight of them. The puppies surged past us and settled upon the newly constructed porch. I couldn't help but laugh. I always wanted a puppy, but this is too much. Gazing at the legions of puppies on my porch, I ponder about how I am going to take care of them all. Millions of puppies showed up on my porch...what do I do? [i][b]HAPPY PORCH DAY, ONION FLAVORED GUARDSMEN!!!!!![/b][/i] [spoiler]HAIL HYDRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/spoiler]