A day ago or so, I came across this TED talk. And it completely blew my mind. The message? "What is important is not how many days you have lived. But how many days you remember." When I heard those words, my eyes watered. At that moment I was hit with the realization that I can barely remember any day in November. October? not a chance. I know what I was doing. I was playing Destiny. Meeting people in lfg for a Raid in hopes of getting one of my chars the drops to become 30, an endeavor that quickly became clear was not about a shared experience, but about getting a hassle out of the way as fast as possible. Not 30, max weapons, and at least a GG or Icebreaker? You are not playing, seemed to be the message. Even starting groups took forever or simply did not work. "Hey, you were looking for a group right? come play with us, we need a 6th" "Are you all level 30?" "No, but we have done it a few time..." <whoever left the conversation> I realized that, of all that playtime, I remembered just one session. A raid with some very chill guys with whom I joked, and thought I clicked, and who invited me to their groups again... If I joined faster than the other 30 guys they invited. Certainly we were not friends. I was but a tool. Still, that raid was great. It was an experience that I cherished. The explosions, the excitement on comms, and the point when, with all of us dead, a lone 29 took the relic and finished Atheon with a hadoken that would make Ryu proud. But it never happened again. After that, it was session after session of throwing grenades at the templar. Session after session of mechanical raids where people seldom talked and of which they wanted to get done as soon as possible. One time, I asked one of such guys "are you having fun?", and his answer was a clear and succinct "no" followed by a "focus on finishing this, I want to be done". Minutes later I'd hear that same guy yelling in frustration about how he got nothing but a chatterwhite and shards, and about how long he had been trying to get a Mythoclast. And I could relate because, truth was, I wasn't having that much fun either. I don't think anyone was. But I truly realized I couldn't remember any of it when I thought about when I rolled a Titan, and I was shocked about how many unique mechanics were in the early missions of the game. "Holy shit, an invisible vandal just DROPPED FROM THE -blam!-ING ROOF IN FRONT OF ME?" I thought, as I tried in vain to pelt him down with a pulse rifle I'd picked up moments earlier. And I tried to think of more moments like that, just to find a blank in my memory. And the funny thing is that as I write this, I think about my favorite games. Games I have given a lot less time than I have to this one: Dark Souls, King's Field, Halo, Final Fantasy, Metal Gear... And I realize that I can remember almost every gameplay moment and plot point. I remember the amazing fight against Sniper Wolf. And thinking about what a shame it was when she fell. I remember being amazed that you could actually destroy the watermelons and other food in the pantry in MGS2... something nobody would likely ever even see, since you are supposed to sneak, not shoot. I remember customizing my Dark Souls characters. Making a rogue, and a cleric, and a mage, using different weapons, and gawking at how different the game was. I remember Halo, and how amazing I though the story and set pieces, and variety was, even if half the game was the same missions backwards. I remember reloading countless missions to save my marine bros, and exploring every nook and cranny in quite a few maps with a Banshee. I remember the good times I spent playing those games, where I was, and how excited I was to change discs in MGS on my old PSX which had to be placed upside down to read discs. And I realize that the only things I can remember about Destiny are the hiding spots for the nightfalls. The frustration of 5 or 6 runs where chatterwhites were the reward. The frustration, when I finally got TDB, that my Iron Banner armor and Timur's lash, for which I ground like a beast, were now trash. The dissapointment, when I got TDB, that my raid runs, if I could even find one, consisted of glitching every part of the raid and completing it in maybe 20 minutes after shooting a forever kneeling Crota. Still, since release, for all this time, I soldiered on. But yesterday, after hearing those words, and realizing that I couldn't remember anything about Destiny, I felt repelled. The thought of turning on my PS4 and getting a Dragon's Breath repulsed me. The thought of doing the nightfall, for which I'd probably get 5 coins like the week before, to get 25% faster leveling on my Gjallarhorn which I was leveling again, revolting. Last week, I went skiing on a University trip. I partied. I hung out with real people. I drunk way too much, and fell a bunch of times, because I really don't even know how to skii that well. And I know that I will remember that trip forever. And I know that that trip, those 4 days, cost more than a xb1 would. And that it was stupid to get it on credit after losing my job last month. And I don't care. When I asked my mom if I should go, she said, go, your time is precious. The money will come, you will figure something out. But you won't have many chances to do things like these. Live. And I feel kind of bad, because even though I got TDB as a gift from a stranger on this sub with a huge heart, and even though I love you guys, and the threads... I don't want to play Destiny anymore. I want to live. Hell, at worst, play Bloodborne or something else. I think that despite writing on the subject before, and knowing how addiction, and aleatory reinforcement schedules, and conditioning work, it is only now when I realize how truly meaningless the time spent in this game was. Yesterday, I spoke with a guardian on here. He said he had never done the raid, and that his materials were precious. When I asked him what he did in game, he told me of playing it to level 20-something, then deleting his character, and doing it again. And I felt sad. "What's important is not how many days you have lived, but how many days you remember" I want to remember my days. Our time in this world is precious. And I love you guys. And I wanted to share this, because you should probably live too. In this sub, I've spoken to so many people with compulsive behavious and addictions that just can't seem to stop. And I was one of them. So Xur came. And I missed him. And I really don't care. I know the treadmill is supposed to work like this. And I really don't care either. This is a game solely designed not to give us an experience. But to waste our time running in circles, leveling things we have already leveled, and getting 15 types of currencies to advance. This is a game where getting a group without top gear is nigh impossible. And where the top gear can only be attained through groups of people who just want to get their weekly chores done. This is a game where everyone looks the same. Where everyone uses the same weapons. Where every choice is replaced by a roll of the dice. This is a game that, even though it took months of my life, I can barely remember other than the times running in circles for chests, hiding behind rocks taking shots every minute or so, and farming the exact same missions over and over and over again for experience and commendations. This is a game without plot, without vehicles, and perhaps most importantly, without a soul, or a heart. Just an endless treadmill, where dice are rolled every once in a while. This is a game where, instead of excited about the expansion, I am repulsed by it, by the thought of everything once again becoming useless, by the thought of once more running Iron Banner for a week or so... to get weapons and armor that were obsolete after a week. And I want to remember my days. I want to become legend. But there is nothing legendary here. Cheers guys. * * Source: [url]https://www.reddit.com/r/DestinyTheGame/comments/2rdgff/yesterday_i_missed_xursday_and_i_dont_care/[/url]