"Drake turn this plane around NOW!""What!?, oh my gosh help, Tower this is Fireteam Helio we are going down! I repeat we are Going down!"
..Static..
"Silence, after that it was silence, it felt like forever before this white shell claimed to have brought me back from the dead.i believed I would be back and see my team again, Damien, and Madison. But, it was just Me who ended up being chosen to be a guardian and fight the Darkness, along the way I found some others like me who had some interests with one enemy, The Vex, they had been the ones who had killed me and my old fireteam.but you don't want babbling all day, your here for a story, well here go's.
DORM ROOMS, TOWER
"Katy, what's our new bounty for the day?"Asked Damien in his cheery voice.
"We have to find and kill some fallen, like 50." Said A tired Kate."Well this should be easy for you since your a Bladedancer" an annoyed Damien said.
"Well you would know, your a warlock""Ya, so?" Said Damien"Wait""What?" Asked Kate
" where's that titan,Drake " asked Kate"why don't you ask him yourself" said an interested Drake"Drake hey where you been?"said Kate"getting some synthesis, what's our next bounty?""defeating 50 fallen" answers Damien"okay, let's go" said Drake as they walked out of they're dorm.
Hey every one this is Tr15h0t and this is my first story ever, did not get enough time to do a full chapter, but will be posting weekly, hope u enjoyed the intro and will get more into this story later.Constructive feedback is welcomed Thank you for your time.
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Good job m8! Just a coupe of grammar fixes, and you're set~
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8/10 Great job! Fix some paragraphing and some puncuation, you got a 10/10 from me!
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Hey, don't know if this is still going, but I like it so far. It's just a little jumbled at parts, and needs a little more paragraphing. [spoiler]Like I said, don't know if this is still going, feel free to ignore me if it isn't[/spoiler]
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Interesting, though I agree you'll want to find a way to clean it up or break it apart. It's a little jumbled. But either way look forward to seeing where you take this. Keep it up.
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Sorry about the cluster, thanks to this wired thing I have to group stuff together in order to post.