Cipher 064 here to bring you this guide. If you say you've met me before in Crucible, I'll call you a damn liar because I play on last gen and barely anyone plays on last gen. Now, if you look at my stats (hopefully my account isn't hidden, I don't hide it because I have no shame) you can see the makings of a tried and true Crucible scrub. Across all three characters, they have a consistent, bullshit low K/D of 1.0. Across all three characters, they also use Shotguns as the favoured weapon to kill, and across all three characters, they have the same bullshit loadout with guns that barely have any good perks on them. So, it's safe to say, I'm a true Crucible scrub. It's hard to be worse than me - not impossible... but hard nonetheless. [spoiler]I'm pretty good at pissing people off, though, so I probably deserve it.[/spoiler] [b]Step One - Use the wrong weapons[/b] Don't get me wrong, we all like to experiment with weapons in Crucible to see how they do, but the best way to suck at Crucible is to knowingly bring in weapons that are just not good in PvP. Lousy stats, lousy perks and everything, just bring them in, maybe your luck will change, right? [spoiler]hell no[/spoiler] One thing I love to do is bring in my Atheon's Epilogue. Now, while some of you can argue that this auto rifle is actually usable in PvP, I sure as hell can't use it. I'm just not good at using High ROF Autos. You just have to keep telling yourself that maybe... just maybe you can get at least one kill. And that's the secret to how to suck. One of them, anyway. It's to believe that getting one kill is good enough and then slack off the rest of the match. Bonus points if you use the wrong TYPE of weapon in the map. An example would include using shotguns on First Light and Bastion. [b]Step Two - Die. A lot.[/b] Preferably by the enemy's hands, of course, because how will they ever know you suck if you just misadventure all the time? [spoiler]I know I do, I always fail my Blinks and fall to my death a lot.[/spoiler] Also, make it a point to charge head-first into a sniper alley. Don't make any effort to dodge sniper shots, because after all, it's just luck that makes snipers land their headshots, right? You should also run around corners blindly without checking for shotgun campers, because the best tactic is obviously to charge around the corner. Of course, misadventures are allowed. The best way for your team to know you suck is by constantly getting blown up by your own grenades and rockets. Falling to your death is also an A+ method. You get S rank grade if the fall was caused by a Blink jump fail. [spoiler]After all, the fall will probably kill you, and if it doesn't the bullets surely will.[/spoiler] [b]Step Three - Use the tactics all teh pr0z are using,[/b] We all know the Wombo Combo and the Firebolt-Touch-of-Flame-Viking-Funeral tactics, so use them! Make it look like you're absolutely desperate for kills and cheap points! [spoiler]Note: I have nothing against Hunters and Warlock who use such tactics, hell I use these tactics myself because I suck ass.[/spoiler] Another thing is to use 1000-Yard Stare, yeah, maybe that's how people get kills, right? Maybe it's the gun and not the player, right? [spoiler]hah, you wish[/spoiler] Also, try to use the "meta" weapons. Now personally, I found myself not sucking as badly when I use meta weapons. [spoiler]I have a 0.04% improvement when using meta weapons, so I count that as an improvement.[/spoiler] As a side note, when using meta weapons, you should probably try your hardest to suck at using them. I know I do. And that's about it! I hope you enjoyed my guide, if not, eh, what do I care? The rule of the forums is that if my K/D isn't 700,000, I have no say in anything.