in 5th grade, we played capture the flag on Friday in P.E every week. During the time I had a crush on this girl named, let's call her...apple! Anyways I always made sure I was on the opposite team of apple. The reason why is because in capture the flag the kids wear flags around their waist and if they got their flag pulled while trying to get the enemy teams "flag"(it was just a football) they were out. And I realized that apple had a very nice butt...and her flag was very close to it. So every time we played I would always grab her butt and say "oh I'm so sorry! I was going for your flag but you're just too fast!" I did this for the entire school year until her new boyfriend got moved into our P.E class, and when he found out exactly how long I've been doing that...well you could say he was very upset. To make that story short every time I got near apple in capture the flag...I would always get tackled by her boyfriend, who was always on the same team as me....

When I was 5 my parents left with with a babysitter. She tortured me for 4 hours u till they got home. At first she just poked me while we were sitting on the couch when they had just left. Then she started pulling my hair and smacking me in the face. About two hours in we were still sitting in the couch. She wouldn't let me move to go to the bathroom or anything. Randomly, she would turn and scream at me. Not saying words just screaming to make me extremely uncomfortable. An hour before my parents came home she dragged me by the hair to the dryer and stuffed me in. She would open the doorevery 5 minutes or so to let air in. My parents called her saying they were on their way home so she let me out. When I crawled out, crying she smacked me again threatening me if I muttered a word of what happened. She then punched me in the stomach and out me in the dryer agin and turned it on. She let it run a whole 20 seconds before Turing it off and pulling me out. She then choked me and told me again she would kill me if I ever muttered a word. This is the first I have spoken about it

I ate a sandwich

-BOOOOOOOOORING! You don't wanna hear about that, Vault Hunter! You wanna hear about LOOT! AND PECS! AND EXPLOSIONS! I'm Torgue, and I am here to ask you one question, and one question only: EXPLOSIONS?!" "We here at the Torgue Corporation sincerely think that this is F*CKING AWESOME!!" "THAT SENTENCE HAD TOO MANY SYLLABLES! APOLOGIZE!" "Before you can enter the tournament, you must digitally sign our legal waiver." "Just kidding! F*CK THE LEGAL WAIVER! You're in TORGUE LAND now, sucker!" "Right now, you're ranked fifty in the badass leaderboards, which puts you behind my grandma but ahead of a guy she gummed to death. IT TOOK SEVERAL HOURS." "Also, you need a sponsor for MOTHAF*CKIN' LEGAL REASONS!" "You may have noticed that everyone here is trying to kill you, Torgue personnel included. YOU'RE WELCOME. I didn't want you to get bored so I was like, F*ck it, give everybody guns! We lost like half our workforce in three days, but who gives a F*CK!?" "I probably shoulda set you up with a sponsor beforehand but I am F*CKIN' DISORGANIZED AS SH*T and was busy suplexing a shark wearing a bolo tie when I should have been setting up sponsors. You may ask, "Who was wearing the bolo tie, you or the shark?" Answer: YES." "IS IT JUST ME OR DOES IT SEEM LIKE HE'S GONNA BETRAY THE F*CK OUTTA YOU!?" "Ladies and gentlemen, it looks like our next combatant has arrived! Does the Vault Hunter have what it takes to survive the Appetite for Destruction round? I think we all know the answer: MAAAAAAAYBEEEE!" "Also, you should treat Moxxi nice! NOTHING IS MORE BADASS THAN TREATING A WOMAN WITH RESPECT!" "If you're still alive, grab some ammo. If you're not, THIS MESSAGE IS IRRELEVANT!" "The Vault Hunter is going through bandits faster than a fat kid in a cookie store! NOW I WANT COOKIES!" "KIDS THESE DAYS AND THEIR CRAZY LANGUAGE AM I RIGHT!?" "IT'S TIME FOR A LOOOOOT-SPLOSION!" "THIS IS MISTER TORGUE SAYING THAT I AM REALLY HUNGRY. SOMEBODY BRING ME A SANDWICH! ... END OF THE ANNOUNCEMENT." "This fight reminds me of my dad! ALCOHOLISM DESTROYS FAMILIES!" "A LOT OF PEOPLE BEEN ASKING ME WHY MY VOICE BEEPS ALL THE F*CKIN TIME. THE TORGUE SHAREHOLDERS WIRED MY VOICEBOX WITH A DIGITAL CENSOR SO I CAN'T SAY STUFF LIKE SH*T, C*CK, OR P*SSY F*CKIN' D*CKBALLS! THATS HALF MY F*CKIN' VOCABULARY, IT'S GODDAMN BULLSH*T!" "BIG DEAL. I CAN USE INNUENDO TOO. TONIGHT'S FIGHT IS BETWEEN FLYBOY AND THE VAULT HUNTER...BLOWJOBS!" BY REGISTERING IN THE BADASS TOURNAMENT, YOU LEGALLY FORFEIT YOUR RIGHT TO CRY, EAT TOFU, OR WATCH MOVIES WHERE PEOPLE, KISS IN THE RAIN AND SH*T.

I wouldn't say I'm a bad person. I probably am in terms of what's considered acceptable but I've done a few terrible things as a child that I find rather funny lol - I scratched all of this random guy's psp discs and blamed it on this other guy and he got bashed to the heavens. Just watched. - Bashed this kid's head in with those orange street cones when I was about 12. He was all like "go away" and "pls halp me" and I just walked away really angrily. - Threw yoghurt cartons at this kid for no reason. He started crying and I was like "bruh chill" then I got into trouble. - Told my mum that I care about my education more than her (I actually felt bad, she started crying) - This autistic (I think) kid was being racist to me so I punch him in the side of a head with a rock sticking through my fingers. He never came back to school for some reason. - I once asked why people were sad when people died and got slapped. I feel bad for saying that at a funeral. In my country NZ our native way of having a funeral (or tangi in Maori) we just sit in this shitty house in a Marae and do nothing. I once threw a basketball into that house lol got a good smack on the head for doing that. - I was always selfish and spoilt so that might explain my childhood. Now I'm rather logical and mature. Always thinking of the consequences of my actions.

Watching my 8 year old brother lick my dogs dick

Playing with my moms vibrator. We clacked it against our teeth. Please send a psychiatrist ;__;

When I was 3 I pushed my older brother into a campfire, he turned out fine though. Just a little crispy

Threw up on my plate eating veggies and my mum told me to eat it...,

Playing doctor with my cousin.[spoiler]Who is also a female.[/spoiler]

I've heard my parents doing it multiple times. It is VERY clear that's what they're doing. Since I was about 10 I can hear it every few nights.

I ran into a pole

My friend got the head when he was in 4th grade from my other friend. (They are both guys) I just curled up into a ball in the corner, trying to escape from the noises.

I stabbed a toilet seat.

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In 1st grade a girl was pinching my butt, I told her to stop,then told the teacher, and got in trouble for talking.

Some kid pushed me off of the swingset so i pushed him off the giant turtle

Mine would be. Walking in on my parents doing it when I was 6. Waking up with a grasshopper examining my nose. Being chased by a cow. And having to follow my sister wherever she went for a a few days because of an active local pedophile

My parents used to fight in front of me a lot. My mom used to drink a lot. I used to get heavily bullied....a lot.

I was on the dock with my cousin when we were really little. She didn't know how to swim so I thought it would be funny to push her in. My uncle had to jump in the water and save her, lol.

I stepped in a fire bare footed when I was like 5 and watched my toenails melt off the end