I hurt my back 6 months ago; it's still causing me daily pain and reinjuring myself is very easy; it's made going to the gym a -blam!- and sitting at my desk an even bigger -blam!-. I tried to do raw bent over rows on Thursday last week and hurt myself again because I wasn't paying attention to my form well enough and was distracted. So I possibly made it worse, but I'm going to the ortho ASAP to figure it out. I feel the blues about it. I'm gonna have back problems for the rest of my life now because of some poor choices earlier in life. It's a bummer, but it's also a driver. I also found out I'm diabetic last year. Had to change my diet and eating habits, and the amount of exercise I do practically overnight. It wasn't easy, and it did not actually get accomplished overnight, but my panic stricken mind sure damn well tried. I'm not trying to list these things to say, "haw haw, I have it worse than you" just to provide some context when I say I know that feel bro. Keep your chin up, fight your way out with every ounce of strength you have; and don't be afraid to ask for help. If you have insurance and can afford it; get you a therapist. If not or even if you do; get out and start walking for 10 minutes a day for one week. Increase it to 15 minutes the next week, keep adding 1-5 minutes every week, and after a month or 2, you will begin to see a way forward. It's how I hold back the demonic forces that make up my depression every single day. Depression is a vile and self-destructive monster when it's unchecked, but my walking and subsequent entrance into weight lifting has been one of the greatest and most fulfilling experiences of my life. And it turned that stormy rain cloud that followed me into a wisp of mist, still there but not nearly as terrible. It's even nicer when you have a friend to walk and talk with. Physical activity + stimulating company is a powerful antidepressant and it requires no drugs whatsoever! Tl;dr: Grab a friend or a good audiobook or playlist and go for a walk OP. Fight with all your might and drag yourself out of the pit. Here's the best hand I can offer to help! I know that feel, bro.

I've been down on my luck so long the only thing I have come to know is how to be alone...

Sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. If you need someone to talk to, there are professionals out there who will be more than happy to talk to you and listen. Please see the below link. https://help.bungie.net/hc/en-us/articles/4402601695252-Mental-Health-Resources Unfortunately, nobody on Bungie.net is equipped to deal with mental health issues. Your best bet is to use the above link. Please look after yourself and stay safe. ❤️