So I was at middle school today and I was in the back of my math class on my 3DS playing Super Mario 3D Land Some typical dudebro idiots were arguing over whether Call of Duty or Halo was better. The one who like CoD looked at me and asked what I thought. "Neither. They are both boring modern military shooters with emphasis on graphics. Zelda is better than both" I don't know why but they thought this was super funny and started laughing. They started talking about how Xbox was so much better than Wii and Wii U. I told them that online gaming and graphics don't matter. It's all about the gameplay and Nintendo makes the best games, plus they innovate, unlike Sony and Microsoft. They started calling me really mean things and then threatened to beat me up after school. They told everyone about how I liked Nintendo and Zelda and all that fantasy stuff. They said I was gay and I play games for little kids. I didn't want to seem even weaker than what people already think of me, so I met them near the field where we have recess. I don't know how to fight. Only the Halo guy was there. He punched me so hard you'd think it was the Master Chief himself who hit me. I had bruises all over me and a little cut on my leg by the time he was done with me. I ran home and shut myself in my room and started to cry. My mother came upstairs and asked me what was wrong . I told her that I gone in one little fight, but my mom got scared and said "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air". I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said 'Fresh' and there was a dice in the mirror. If anything I would've thought that this cab was rare but I thought "Naw forget it, yo homes, to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house around 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "Yo homes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there! To settle my throne, as the prince of Bel-Air.

I played Density a week ago...

I took an hour long shit yesterday

I enchanted a war hammer in skyrim and named it the banhammer Edit: I also enchanted it with banish daedra

So in my calculus class last year in math, there were these two Chinese twins. Ving, and Ling. Ving was always super cool with me. In exchange for answers (he was super smart) I would hang out with him and be his friend and stuff. After I studied with him though, I did get to be his friend and we got very close. His sister, Ling, was always uptight about school and she made sure to study, she got stressed about a B, etc. One day I was hanging out with Ving, and we started talking about names. He went off on this huge rant about how he hated his, and how he wanted to change it to something more Asian-American, like Lee. I told him that the Courthouse downtown had a form that you could fill to legally change it. He told me: "I always give you answers. If you could just drive me down to the courthouse this one time, I will never forget you. I just hate this god-forsaken name and I want to get rid of it forever." He seemed pretty adamant about it, so I decided the best decision would be to take him. We walked out to my car, and right as I put the keys in the ignition Ling came running and tapped on the car door like a madman. I rolled it down and she started freaking out about how Ving's name had been passed down through generations and generations, but Ving didn't care. He just wanted to go down to the Courthouse and get it over with. Ling figured that coming with would be the best idea, so if anything else came up that she would be needed for, she would be there for Ving. Honestly, I felt stuck in the middle of a family feud, so I just took her along. When we got to the Courthouse, Ving confidently walked up to the front desk and asked the receptionist if he could change his name. She gave him a little packet of paper and told him to sit down. Ling and I waited patiently while Ving filled out his info. I was watching him fill it out and I noticed he really did want to change his name to Lee. Before he finished, though, he started tearing up. He told me he couldn't change his name. He asked the lady at the front that he couldn't do it, and she told him he would need twenty dollars to cancel the request. Ling was so relieved and happy that he changed his mind, she dug through her purse, found the money, and started to hand it to the receptionist. It was at this moment that the most stereotypical Asian man burst through the doors. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a visor, American flag shorts, flip flops, everything. This little guy was decked out. When Ving and his old man saw each other, they both started bawling, and embraced each other. Out of his tears, Ving said "Dad, I love my name. I want to be Ving forever, and I'm going to name my kids Ving, and they're going to name their kids Ving, and-" And the old man said "Dont, stop. Be Lee, Ving! Hold onto that fee, Ling." [b]I know you might be saying TL;DR, but read it, you won't regret it :)[/b]

I was walking in the woods, there was no one around and my phone was dead. out of the corner of my eye I spotted him... Shia LaBeouf. he was following me - about thirty feet back. he got down on all fours and broke into a sprint. He was gaining on me! Shia LaBeouf... I was looking for my car but I was all turned around - he was almost upon me now and I could see there was blood on his face, [i]my god[/i] there was blood EVERYWHERE! now it's dark and I seemed to have lost him, but I was hopelessly lost myself; stranded with a murderer I crept silently through the underbrush. "Aha!" in the distance, a cottage with a light on - hope! I moves stealthily towards it... but my leg "AGGH!" it was caught in a bear trap! [b]*then I woz ded*[/b]

This guy followed me home yesterday. I was ready to kill a man that day.

Camel tried to eat my kids hair at the zoo, kid screamed camel freaked wouldnt let go so ipunched it.

I was only 9 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)s old I loved ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) so much, I had all the swigity and swoogity I pray to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) every night before bed thanking him for the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I've been given. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) is love I say, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) is life OP overhears me and calls me a scrub I knew he was just jealous of my devotion for ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I called him a fgt He ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)s me and sends me to go to sleep Im crying now, and my ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hurts I lay in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and its really cold A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me Its ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I am so happy He whispers in to ear "this is my ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) He grabs me with his powerful ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hands and puts me on my hands and knees I'm ready I spread my booty for ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) He penetrates my booty It hurts so much but I do it for ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I can feel my booty tearing as my eyes start to water I push against his force I want to please ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) He ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) a mighty ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) as he fills my booty with his ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) OP walks in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) looks him straight in the eye and says "Its all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) now" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) leaves through my window ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) is love, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) is life

[u]Summer of 2011[/u] About eight friends and myself are walking to a field to get a game of kickball and/or baseball started. The field is across a road but for some reason the road was incredibly busy that day; there were no opportunities for all eight of us to run across. My buddy Isaac told us that a path behind an abandoned laundromat leads to the end of the road where we can cross there because it's much less busy. The laundromat was a long while away and the road calmed down but we were close enough that we kept walking towards it anyway. It was about 7:30 PM so it was still light-ish outside. We still had to consider being quiet because if anyone saw eight boys going behind an abandoned laundromat, they would surely have some kind of suspicion. We got to the laundromat and we sent our friend Thomas to check out the path incase there was something there we shouldn't mess with. He went, and he came back with a tomato face and said one thing: "Go -blam!-ing see it for yourself.". We all looked and it was probably the most funny, most embarrassing thing we've ever seen. It was [b]one of the cringe kids/social outcasts from our school getting a rimjob from his ogre girlfriend.[/b] All eight of us bursted out laughing so hard we were crying. The two kids jumped and got the hell out of the path. Then we went along the path and towards the field to play kickball. My team won because I'm -blam!-ing awesome. That path is now called, "The Rim". We see the kids at school and we always laugh. Sure it got spread around and a buttload of people know (I wasn't the one to spread it) but that's what you get when you're caught getting your ass eaten in an alleyway by a fat bitch. [b]TL;DR:[/b] Read the bold. [b]EDIT 1:[/b] Added a [b]TL;DR[/b]

http://russianpastafortherussians.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta/Russia_spoofs Spooky soviet story

I was on ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)st and I saw ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) so I ran home and cried and in my house was [spoiler] [i]( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)[/i][/spoiler]

Joel Schumacher made a movie about me, and it wasn't very [b]cool[/b].

So Humpty-Dumpty never was said to be a egg!!!!!!!

Now, this is a story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down And I'd like to take a minute Just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air In west Philadelphia born and raised On the playground was where I spent most of my days Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school When a couple of guys who were up to no good Started making trouble in my neighborhood I got in one little fight and my mom got scared She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air' I begged and pleaded with her day after day But she packed my suit case and sent me on my way She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket. I put my Walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'. First class, yo this is bad Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass. Is this what the people of Bel-Air living like? Hmmmmm this might be alright. But wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that Is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat? I don't think so I'll see when I get there I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air Well, the plane landed and when I came out There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out I ain't trying to get arrested yet I just got here I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought 'Nah, forget it' - 'Yo, home to Bel Air' I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo home smell ya later' I looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air