It's tricky, isn't it? There are plenty of things that ethically, legally or just common-sense that one "shouldn't do" when intoxicated (or at least it's frowned on by society). Driving. Operating heavy machinery. Agree to a legally binding contract. Work, and so on. Most of them revolve around the idea that the intoxicated person (or persons) have impaired judgement/abilities and as a result, they should not engage in actions that could reasonably harm themselves or others. Sex CAN fall into that category (where the lack of judgement could allow someone to ignore a risk and do something that they otherwise might not do) and so, society (as well as individuals) have to grapple with the situation and all of the various ways it can occur. While it's tempting to come up with a simple "if this, then that" sort of rule or law on the matter, the subtle variations and wide possibilities of the situation make a "this is always bad" statement to be..... unrealistic and inflexible. Sex is so simple and yet so tricky (even without intoxication involved) and the risks/benefits are so subjective that all I can say is that I do my best to know that it is mutually consensual and that I will "wait or pass" if that's not 100% established. But being intoxicated? Despite my lofty "standards of conduct", I've made some incredibly stupid, risky, dangerous and harmful decisions while "under the influence". And then had to accept responsibility for my actions, face the consequences and accept the outcomes. Such is life when you choose to "let go of your control".