I am certain nobody will read this but i felt compelled to write it for myself and post it anyways. Let me preface this by saying i in no way judge those who continue to use recreational drugs for any reason whatsoever. In fact i know a few people myself who drink, smoke pot, or take mind altering substances with seemingly no ill affects beyond the actual intoxication. Like everything in life it comes down to choices and what works for one person may not work for others. This is certainly not limited to drug use and can apply to basically anything in life really.
A few days ago was my 18th month sober From various substances which i won't list for the sake of not glorifying it. Things have changed so much and at the same time not at all. The thing is i still get high. That may sound weird but life is about getting high really. Don't believe me? well just remember the next time you eat, smoke a cig, have sex, smell something you enjoy, listen to a song, exercise, or basically anything that makes you feel good.....congratulations you just got high. I could bore you with all sorts of information about the chemicals in the brain and details as to why it's true but lets move on.
The thing about being clean and sober is i had to find something to replace my drug use because there was a reason i used drugs. Initially it was because they felt amazing but it ended up turning into something different entirely. The reason for use became avoidance. From something as simple as avoiding responsibilities to worrying about bills to basically avoiding feeling any emotion i didn't enjoy at the time. Once sober a wave of emotions i had left unfinished over many years washed over me and i had to wade through them all, only this time i was much more weak in the mind and spirit from all the substance abuse. Needless to say this was a daunting task and very....VERY painful. The suffering isn't important in detail as long as you can grasp that it was intense is sufficient. However it taught me many important lessons. The number one lesson was that suffering itself is perhaps life's greatest teacher. Winding my way down the dark paths of self loathing and regret, to guilt and shame...and even to physical discomfort i could not escape, shattered the illusion of me being...well...so important. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of breaking through the illusion of the ego in this lifetime even if only for a brief few seconds. The effect it had on my life was instantly profound and wonderful all in the same dizzying moment.
Suffering allowed me a chance to truly appreciate the pain of others. It is through this moment(or perhaps many moments) i was allowed to grow an essential part of me that i had skipped over. Empathy, sympathy and true joy in the accomplishments of others. Today i see so many people caught up in themselves and it makes me sad. The real jail sentence of selfishness is never knowing the endless depth of joy you can have once you care for others as much as you care for yourself. Which leads me back to my original point(sobriety obviously has not helped my attention span!) My new drug of choice, my new "high" has been the pursuit of helping others. From something as trivial as advice, or time in the day set aside for the worries of somebody else. To something as intense as helping somebody cope with the loss of a loved one. This is a truly endless source of happiness and the best part is it's free and available to everyone. Needless to say i have gone off on a rant i actually didn't intend to but i hope anyone who stumbles across this can walk away from it with a renewed sense of hope for whatever they happen to be struggling with today, and i am so proud of myself i had to brag somewhere. Remember to take time for somebody today. Listen with your whole heart, open your mind to the others around you. Life is so much better when we are all connected instead of holding each other at a distance. Don't lose track of others in your mad pursuit to get more, have more, be more. There is no winners in this race, only people. and each and every one of them matters just as much as you do.
much love to you all and may your engrams always be purple friend =)™
-§mort§-
P.S. Yes video games(even destiny) are just as amazing, if not more amazing, sober lol
(Edit: Wow thanks for all the uplifting comments and things. I love that i ranted in some totally random place and total strangers took time out of their day to say something positive, it really means lots)
(Edit 2: jeez....so many people responded im really just overwhelmed. Remember to do something amazing and nice for somebody today, that was supposed to be the real message behind my post and i really hope it shines through rather than just going on about sobriety)
(Edit 3: It seems a few people are sort of worked up that this is in the #destiny section on a forum about a video game. All i can say is i really did think this was going to just be a post that got buried in thousands of others and made it sort of for myself. I spend a little time each day checking these forums for things about the game and felt compelled to write this out. With all the negative things i see littering these forums it actually seems sort of perfect that something totally positive would make a small mark here so i'm glad it did)
English
#Offtopic
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Edited by Verbatim: 10/24/2014 6:22:39 AMCongrats. Nineteen years sober (I don't count one time occurrences that I regret to the bottom of my heart and have contemplated suicide over).
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January 14th will be my 7 year anniversary of sobriety. Although my need to change came at a cost far to high. Infact I have a need to tell my story after reading your post. But I won't as it is far to depressing to share and fade the light that is your accomplished struggle with your addiction. So I will end with congratulations and keep it up. Great things await those who strive for them with diligence.
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*reads first sentence* Well, than I'm not the only one...[spoiler]*hugs monkey*[/spoiler]
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I also try to help people here at my college. On the forums I try to make people laugh. Here is an example: http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/69061257/0/0 But yea, great job and keep it up.
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Congratulations!
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Having been an avid drug user for the past few years, all I can say is congrats. I enjoy the high from making the world a better place as well, even more than the most intense heroin high. (Hence my name, I'm a hippy) after I overdosed I really got a reality check about how many/often I was doing the harder stuff, I found a good balance, but nonetheless I'm happy for the realizations you have made of helping others, and it's good to know the world will be a better place now that you're around.
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Vote yes to legalize November 4 in florida
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Got addicted to xanax somewhere from 21 up to about 29. Started out in small amounts to keep anxiety at bay and it worked great. Then it just came about taking xanax to keep the withdraws at bay. It was hell getting off them and dealing with the withdraws. I ended up starting to take them again recently because anxiety came back in full force to point where if it didn't stop it could end up causing me to lose my job from not being her. Anxiety is a bitch to deal with.
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Stay strong my dude ! & keep pushing !
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Congrats bro, hold your head up.
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Congrats Brother!
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Good job man!!! I myself have been alcohol free for 3 years now. It's not always easy but we just have to take things one day at a time.
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Aww congrats bro, it's uplifting for all of us to hear that
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Congrats man! That is a huge accomplishment in your life!
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*Raised Glass* [spoiler]of juice[/spoiler]
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Just wanted to say congrats and good luck
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Congrats! !!
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Edited by BRUTE196: 10/24/2014 7:48:44 AM"I know no one will read this" *scrolls down a bit* "Yeah nah that's too long for me" [spoiler]that's what she said[/spoiler]
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congratulations!
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Edited by xXbrandaddyXx: 10/24/2014 6:10:23 AMCool story.
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congrats.
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I thought you were going to say playing Destiny has kept you sober. It's at least kept me from blowing money at the bar lately. Except last night...I got shit-hammed last night.
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Great news. Congrats and keep up the good work
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Well done Squire, well done! You didn't rant - just let your emotions take over your finger tips and boom you have this piece! Hopefully this will help people that want to be helped
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Awesome read. You seem like a very intelligent individual.
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sadly i can't edit this post anymore because a mod is preventing me from doing so...thanks to everyone for the uplifting comments and congrats to all for your time in recovery =)™