I am certain nobody will read this but i felt compelled to write it for myself and post it anyways. Let me preface this by saying i in no way judge those who continue to use recreational drugs for any reason whatsoever. In fact i know a few people myself who drink, smoke pot, or take mind altering substances with seemingly no ill affects beyond the actual intoxication. Like everything in life it comes down to choices and what works for one person may not work for others. This is certainly not limited to drug use and can apply to basically anything in life really.
A few days ago was my 18th month sober From various substances which i won't list for the sake of not glorifying it. Things have changed so much and at the same time not at all. The thing is i still get high. That may sound weird but life is about getting high really. Don't believe me? well just remember the next time you eat, smoke a cig, have sex, smell something you enjoy, listen to a song, exercise, or basically anything that makes you feel good.....congratulations you just got high. I could bore you with all sorts of information about the chemicals in the brain and details as to why it's true but lets move on.
The thing about being clean and sober is i had to find something to replace my drug use because there was a reason i used drugs. Initially it was because they felt amazing but it ended up turning into something different entirely. The reason for use became avoidance. From something as simple as avoiding responsibilities to worrying about bills to basically avoiding feeling any emotion i didn't enjoy at the time. Once sober a wave of emotions i had left unfinished over many years washed over me and i had to wade through them all, only this time i was much more weak in the mind and spirit from all the substance abuse. Needless to say this was a daunting task and very....VERY painful. The suffering isn't important in detail as long as you can grasp that it was intense is sufficient. However it taught me many important lessons. The number one lesson was that suffering itself is perhaps life's greatest teacher. Winding my way down the dark paths of self loathing and regret, to guilt and shame...and even to physical discomfort i could not escape, shattered the illusion of me being...well...so important. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of breaking through the illusion of the ego in this lifetime even if only for a brief few seconds. The effect it had on my life was instantly profound and wonderful all in the same dizzying moment.
Suffering allowed me a chance to truly appreciate the pain of others. It is through this moment(or perhaps many moments) i was allowed to grow an essential part of me that i had skipped over. Empathy, sympathy and true joy in the accomplishments of others. Today i see so many people caught up in themselves and it makes me sad. The real jail sentence of selfishness is never knowing the endless depth of joy you can have once you care for others as much as you care for yourself. Which leads me back to my original point(sobriety obviously has not helped my attention span!) My new drug of choice, my new "high" has been the pursuit of helping others. From something as trivial as advice, or time in the day set aside for the worries of somebody else. To something as intense as helping somebody cope with the loss of a loved one. This is a truly endless source of happiness and the best part is it's free and available to everyone. Needless to say i have gone off on a rant i actually didn't intend to but i hope anyone who stumbles across this can walk away from it with a renewed sense of hope for whatever they happen to be struggling with today, and i am so proud of myself i had to brag somewhere. Remember to take time for somebody today. Listen with your whole heart, open your mind to the others around you. Life is so much better when we are all connected instead of holding each other at a distance. Don't lose track of others in your mad pursuit to get more, have more, be more. There is no winners in this race, only people. and each and every one of them matters just as much as you do.
much love to you all and may your engrams always be purple friend =)™
-§mort§-
P.S. Yes video games(even destiny) are just as amazing, if not more amazing, sober lol
(Edit: Wow thanks for all the uplifting comments and things. I love that i ranted in some totally random place and total strangers took time out of their day to say something positive, it really means lots)
(Edit 2: jeez....so many people responded im really just overwhelmed. Remember to do something amazing and nice for somebody today, that was supposed to be the real message behind my post and i really hope it shines through rather than just going on about sobriety)
(Edit 3: It seems a few people are sort of worked up that this is in the #destiny section on a forum about a video game. All i can say is i really did think this was going to just be a post that got buried in thousands of others and made it sort of for myself. I spend a little time each day checking these forums for things about the game and felt compelled to write this out. With all the negative things i see littering these forums it actually seems sort of perfect that something totally positive would make a small mark here so i'm glad it did)
English
#Offtopic
-
Congratulations! And well done :-)
-
It really isn't that hard to stay away from stuff that's bad for you
-
Congrats man. Truly an accomplishment
-
Congratulations on staying the path.
-
Congrats man!
-
This doesnt really belong in this section but who cares?This was pretty uplifting.Congrats dude
-
Good job bud keep it up!
-
Good work and all the best for the future
-
Congratulations! Keep it going!
-
You have my respect! And gratz with your 18 months mark! I wish you the best in the near future
-
Congratulations! Keep up the good work and thanks for helping restore my faith in humanity.
-
Hay good job man I love to see a fellow player hit a huge mile mark. Like I said good job and keep it up!!!! <3
-
Edited by RNG: 10/24/2014 4:06:03 AMAsk me anything and you will receive it.
-
Anyone fighting to better themselves gets my respect. Nicely done mate :)
-
18 years, 4 months, 23 days sober
-
Congratulations!
-
Well done. I applaud you. It's not an easy battle.
-
Congrats, im currently on day 6 free of my personal addiction hoping to get where you are. Thanks for posting. Seeing others success over their own demons is always an inspiration to keep trying.
-
Congrats! Keep it up. It's a great feeling!
-
Much respect! Ive been sober just around 2 years and its had such a dramatic impact on my life. You really get to see your true potential! Thanks for writing this, im glad you were able to overcome your challenges.
-
Congrats man. I know how hard it can be to quit drinking, I've been sober for 8 years now even though I'm a medical marijuana patient. I smoke mmj because I have extreme PTSD. See, I went to Iraq twice and Afghanistan 3 times. I was a scout in the US ARMY for 12 years and I lived what most people only see in COD games. When I got back from my 5th deployment I went full blown alcoholic drink 1 liter of Smirnoff a night. I quit when I was 24 and the ARMY doctor told me I have the liver of a man inhis late 70s.... was a huge shock.
-
Edited by JmoTheOneOfLight: 10/24/2014 2:34:19 AMI like Chicken Alfredo with a hint of garlic
-
Edited by KashMC: 10/24/2014 3:49:54 AMI'll be honest: I more skimmed than read... So your opening guess is mostly true about me lol But I do want to say congratulations. My only drug is the occasional drink but I have other addictions I'd like to get away from. It's always good to see someone succeeding at that! Keep it up
-
I am fine with pot and don't feel that it affects my life in any negative way, but I am glad I stopped drinking alcohol.
-
Congratulations man lets celebrate with a bee-... wait.. A MCFLURRY!
-
I don't take these things as jokes and personally know of addiction recovering person, and all I have to say is congrats man and hope your always getting support from now on until the end! At the same time, worst place to post "good life" stuff ever lol. There are some pretty immature people on this board.