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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
Edited by S3v3N 8 N1n3: 10/3/2014 5:36:01 PM
2

Cloak and Dagger

"Hmm, yes, it looks like your standing with us is good enough." Arach Jalaal, vendor for Dead Orbit, looked up from his datapad to the Titan standing in front of him. Her armor was nicked, scraped, and chunked, as if she ran straight through a collossus' barrage. Knowing the bull-headed nature of Titans, that's probably exactly what happened. She quickly purchased her items, handing over the requisite Marks, before hurrying off somewhere or the other. Another sale, another Guardian heading out to fight. And die. What a waste. Looking up, Arach looked upon the setting sun, a sly smile creeping up his face. Closing time. He headed down into the city, browsing street vendors for dinner before walking to the housing district. The district had seen better days. Uneven roads, pocked with cracks and holes. The grandeur of the Tower a palace among this broken City. Such a long walk. He should have spent the extra glimmer for something closer to the Tower. He envied now the Guardians for their Sparrows. The peeling yellow walls of his building came into view. Arach keyed the door code. At least this was a first floor room. He sneered upwards, a feeling of superiority over the rest of the residents of this 20-story building. He made sure to not let the die close all the way as he made his way inside. He was expecting company. He dropped his pack by his couch. Arach sat on the off-white cushions, well worn by their previous owners. Messy owners, if the stains were anything to go by. He turned on the vid-cast, but only half watched. Most of his attention was focused on the door. After only a few moments, his guest appeared. So, she WAS following him. The first thing through the door was the barrel of a hand cannon, followed by a black leather clad arm. "Care for a drink?" He asked his 'guest'. Arach smirked at the slight twitch of the invasive arm. At the hesitation. Would she leave? Or stay? The door opened the rest of the way. The weapon now pointed directly at him. "For an Emissary of the Queen, you're awfully bad at this." Though he could not see her face behind the helmet, he did imagine the look of disdain. He heard it in her voice as she spoke. "You stole from me, earthborn trash." He put aside his anger at the comment. How little she knew. Ignorant child. "Yes, I did steal the dossiers you were compiling on Guardians and Tower personnel. You're sloppy." Nearly instantly Arach's head was forcibly cocked to the side. The gun pressed against his temple told him she hasn't done this very much. "If I'm so sloppy, then why are you the one about to get his brains blown out?" He felt more than heard the hammer pulled back, clicking into place. An amused snort left his nostrils before he answered. "You're sloppy for two reasons. One: I wasn't the first person in your files, which you completely overlooked." "Two: you haven't done your homework." Slowly, he pulled up his left sleeve, revealing a tattoo of a crow. "We need to talk." This is my first fanfic. Let me know what you think. All criticism is welcome. If you want more, there is a second (maybe third, too) part to this I'm currently writing.

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  • For a first time Fan-Fic, well done :) I would love to read more!

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    • Well, I for one am interested. Mainly, I'm curious as to why he needs those reports when Dead Orbit is focused on abandoning Earth. Then again, since he's a crow in this, who knows, right? I'm also curious as to why the Tower isn't safe at night. Considering how many guardians move through, the threat must be pretty big. In terms of criticism, just a few quick things: -The first paragraph starts present tense and then switches to past tense, which you user for the remainder. -I'd double check your comma usage. As someone who writes poetry as well, it seems you might be using them as one would in poetry. Meaning those are places where the reader should "take a breath." I read some of it out loud and they matched perfectly for a spoken version. Instead, try breaking some of the longer sentences down. I know it can seem a bit immature in writing to use very simple subject-verb-predict sentences, but a variety of length can help keep the reader's attention. Hopefully this helps and I'll add more if I think of any. Unfortunately, it's late and my brain is starting to fail me. Glad to have you and your piece on the sweet "make our own plot" hype train :)

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