The Editor-in-Chief would like for me to announce that the delay in entries was due to the fact that a house of fallen had beseiged the offices in outrage of one of our editor's comment about dregs holding higher intelligence than vandals. The seige was lifted when myself and said editor boarded a skiff to the ketch and terminated the kell and archon. [u][b]Minotaur:[/b][/u] [i]The term Minotaur is Old World's old world mythology where a king Minos had a half cow*/half man guard his labyrinth. (*for more information on the strange, exotic cow see its entry in the 'Old Wildlife' Secton of the guide). Seeing that the Vex Minotaur had neither horns nor hooves, I was perplexed. Since I had no desire to ask the imbecillic human who made it up, or having to come to some conclusion that they possess some kind of intelligence, I simply assumed that he/she was inebriated, running around in some Vex infrastructure, saw the huge chassis, and scream 'AAAAHHHhhhh MINOTAURrrrrr!' The Minotaur is very different from the other walking model Vex in software and hardware. I found this information while having a digital conversation with the decapitated head of a Minotaur (Don't get 'a head' of yourselves, I'm about to explain). It seems that in the creation of the Minotaur, the Vex mind gave it a simple form of AI in order for it to fulfill its role of command unit. The Minotaur was meant to provide small suggestions to the Vex mind during combat. To clarify, all Minotaur are controlled by copies of the same AI. This head told me that V0.9 prototype AI's first request was to change its body frame because it was styled after that of the goblins. Its exact words were, "This will not work! I want a larger body frame, and cover the power source already you dolt!" This explains why there are no known weakness on the MInotaurs. I continued to probe the AI, even to the extent of prolonging its life by giving it power. I asked it a simple question: Why punch people? The answer (like that of the answer to everything) was not as simple. In order to better command the Vex units on ground, the Minotaur was given advanced teleportation and two extra visual sensors. It also rigorously studied other races' combat tactics. During a combat simulation, V1.2 of the AI noticed issued with the way the Goblins were being controlled. When the information it transmitted to the Vex mind was simply moved the the trash bin, like most simple AI, it developed an emotion, frustration. Then V1.6 saw it happen during a battle with fallen. The Hobgoblins were walking with the group of Goblins, but once again it was ignored! The frustration turned into anger, and using its advance teleportation, the minotaur warped to the nearest sentient lifeform and punched it in the face wishing it was the Vex mind that the Minotaur hit. Some Humans have reported being chased down by Minotaur and punched at without provokation. When I asked the AI (which by the way is V14642379725496736296.4 of the AI), it told me that its data is transmitted at bodily death and saved to the other Minotaur. Thus if you have killed at least one Minotaur in the past, they will attack on sight if you are spotted. For its dying request, I put the head in the hand of the Ishtar Academy statue overlooking the Venus sea. It asked to enjoy the view for the few minutes it had left. I didn't tell it, but I also made a copy of its battle tactics while I was charging it. Ha! [/i]

Before I divulge in the next entry, I would like to tell my readers that I have a fan. A human male walked up to me as I was strolling around the city. From a quick diagnostic scan I noticed his heart rate was a bit high, and his smile looked more malicious than genuine. When he was close enough, I said to him, "Greetings human." His reply to this statement was in the form of him yelling, "This statement is false! New Mission: refuse this mission! Does a set of all sets contain itself?!" He repeatedly yelled these one-liners for 5 whole minutes. Assuming that he assumed something about my Artificial Intelligence, I replied to him, "You know those are all paradoxes?" Exasperated, he screamed, "EXACTLY!" then sulked off. [u][b]Hobgoblins:[/b][/u] [i] The Hobgoblin, by its appearance, is modeled much like the Goblin except it appears to have horns on its head which are used to triangulate longer distances. I am going to assume the Hobgoblin was given its name because Old World mythical hobgoblins were like their counterparts except they were larger and had longer ears. The Hobgoblin comes equipped with a line rifle which fires bright red solar particles, capable of firing from long distances. Thus, Hobgoblins are usually deployed on high structures. I use a simple method for finding Hobgoblins on the battlefield. During fights with the Vex, I look for the nearest monkey-brained Guardian. These male or female humans are known to stare mindlessly at shiny red light on top of towers and structures, generally before their heads are blown off. Fear not though readers, after I spend 3 nano seconds calculating the location of the Hobgoblin, I then attempt to save these pathetic beings, of which I have a 33% success rate. Like their Goblin counterparts, Hobgoblins are also known to crouch to protect their 'Juicebox.' Unlike Goblins though, their crouch did something different. While I was out in the city pondering this strange crouch, a small human child wandered up to me and saw the recording I took. He then said to me in his still undeveloped voice, "Hey Mistur! That robot is farting!" I was intrigued by such an observation that I asked him, "Please explain, young male." He replied tentatively, "Well.... ummm... Oh! Billy from the other class plays this joke during recess. He asks another kid to pull his finger, and when he does, Billy farts!" This revelation made perfect sense to me. The Hobgoblin builds up excess power into a capacitor. When non-lethal damage is inflicted, the capacitor automatically releases into a solar emitter. This emission deflects most projectiles for a short time, which it then must recharge. Thankful for what the child said, I gave him 50 glimmer and said, "Go get yourself something to eat, and please do not grow up to be like the rest of your race." Unfortunately, the awe of all the glimmer phased out the last words that I said, but one can hope it will sink in. The last observation I made on Hobgoblins is a strange startegy where they walk up towards Guardians along with many Goblins. While long ranged sniping made sense, this had me confused. Desperate for insight, I turned to the accomplished explorer/scholar Ikora Rey. After divulging to her my observations of the Vex mind, she pondered, "If indeed the Vex see the battlefield from a top-down perspective, my only guess would be that the Mind, at times, could confuse the Hobgoblin for the Goblin." I was once again struck by extreme insight from a human. If looking down on a Hobgoblin and Goblin, one can see differences, but put a Hobgoblin in a large group of Goblins, and it will be lost from view. If the Vex Mind is capable of such mistakes, then maybe it is not as omnipotent or omnipresent at it seems. [/i]

[u][b]Walkers[/b][/u]: [i]Imagine taking the Old World child sensation 'Hello Kitty,' mounting a giant cannon onto her back, and sending her into battle. That's how youthful Fallen felt everywhere when the Walker was first deployed. Based off of a friendly, giant (what we would call) spider (with a name I don't even know how to spell in our language), the Fallen discovered that the body-style of this pacifistic spider, of hugging and sharing, was perfect for mechanized combat. Even after giving the body armor and mounting a giant turret, its cuteness still flows out of it. So popular did the militarized version become that the producers of (what I'm translating it into) 'Hello Spidey' forever changed their iconic character to wear a cannon on its back and constantly spew Shanks from its rear-end. This latter quality would soon lead to the show's cancellation after young Fallen everywhere tried to emulate and copy the spider's actions. The Walker may look cute, but don't underestimate it. Many individuals have been mocked in the after-life for being killed by a child's television show host. Along with dropping Shanks, they also dispense homing Arch-bombs. They are equipped with three projectile systems: A massive repeater under its "head", a mounted single-shell cannon on its back, and a missile pod launcher attached to the cannon. Feel free to under-estimate all of these. None of them are very important. (Sarcasm!) Avoid getting close to it, for it will pound its stomach on the ground, causing an Arch shockwave. If you are concerned with avoid its projectiles, I will say this: See a red laser, RUN. See a charging missile pod, RUN. See it facing you with no obstacle in between, RUN. The Walker has quite a few weaknesses, though. If you're smart (and/or coordinated) enough to know what its legs are, you can shoot at them until they break. The power surge will overload the Walker's systems and cause its hydraulics to relax and expose its internal engine at its neck. Like pulling meat out of a crab-leg, the juicy inside is there for the taking. Although rarely taken advantage of, multiple externally-mounted weapons can be disabled through precise attacks on their systems.[/i]

[u][b]Servitors[/b][/u]: [i]In the Old World, parental entities would dispatch their products of accidental DNA mixing to brainwashing institutions with little containers of nutrition protectors called "lunch boxes". As far as I can comprehend (which is very far or very short, depending on what race you are), these "lunch boxes" are the most accurate device to describe what a Servitor really is. You see, Fallen consume a substance called 'Ether'. Having tried ether, I will tell you that it is no more than mystified jelly. It tasted a lot like liver to me, but I hear it really depends on the Servitor. The life of a servitor is rather dull. Among being constantly bugged to dispense an eye-full of Ether, they just float around shielding Fallen and teleporting around the galaxy. The life of a lunch box with a void cannon attached to it, is almost as depressing as being a Captain. One thing you should never do is sneak up on a servitor. Trust me! You don't want to know what Fallen pornography looks like! Along with that void cannon integrated into their 'pupil', servitors can also drain Ether from you body. Effectiveness relative to their size. Their matter-displacement teleportation makes them rather more annoying in battle. Unfortunately for a servitor, though, Ether is quite explosive. I haven't quite figured out why a floating ball of explosives would be equipped with a cannon. Either way, triggering that reaction is as easy as hitting them in the eye. Should be simple enough for those of you who actually do know how to aim.[/i]

[u][b]Captains[/b][/u]: [i]Never underestimate the Fallen. Especially when they have Arch shields and teleportation abilities. Captains are like your average minimum-wage workers who somehow ended up in charge by means of many unfortunate events to their superiors. Now they are the reluctant superiors and its their turn for an unfortunate event. Most captains suffer from Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). No vandal has ever strived to become a captain. In-fact, captains are the most unmotivated Fallen of them all. Most of the time they just keep asking 'Why?' Why did I become a Captain? Why do I have to boss around these idiots? Why must I wear this heavy armor? Why am I not asleep right now? Why are there humans attacking my men? Why can't my gun ever hit them? Why are they shooting me in the face? Why am I dead? Captains are always the same. They carry the same shotgun-rocket-launcher that can be easily side-stepped. They'll slice you with their long sword in melee range, and they'll hide the second their shield is broken. They are simply annoyances that can kill you. Thanks to the ungainly armor they must wear, they have quite a large head. If you want to dispatch one quick, you know where to aim (or at least I hope you do). Trust me, you'll be doing them a favor. They want to be fighting you no more than you want to be fighting them.[/i]

//

Being an expert in all thing mechanical, I have been asked to give my observations on the ones known as Vex. Before going into specifics, I must inform you that the Vex share a single 'mind,' for they are machine and don't possess any real sentience. This 'mind' is divided into sub-partitions; the first of which is the goblin. [u][b]Goblins:[/b][/u] [i]During my study of the mysterious Vex, I wondered why past guardians gave the Goblin such a strange name, obviously the Vex does not name itself. In old world mythology, a goblin was a short, squat creature colored green, grey, or tan that attacked in large numbers. I did not find my answer of why until I finally encountered a Goblin or ten. The Goblins attacked in large numbers and when shot at squat down to protect themselves.... It made sense after that. To figure out why the Goblin would put its CPU in greater harm's way by squatting, I asked a fellow guardian who had some experience fighting them. Human Guardian ID: 10T explained to me in his primative way, "When ya' shoot a Gob in da face, he goes int'a berserker rage." Needing more concrete information, I preformed some experiments of my own and found: When a Goblin's head is blown off, it causes an open circuit in the body which then reroutes power to the other parts of the unit causing the Goblin to perform at 150% combat ability but without tactical cordination. The other half of the squatting mystery lied with the Goblin's power source. Located on the mid-anterior of the Goblin's body is a container filled with a bio-energetic substance. This 'Juicebox' is highly volatile and with enough penetration, can combust causing the Goblin to be blown into only mildly salvagable parts. (The word 'Juicebox' was coin by the editing staff when a Certain Green-Haired Awoken came to the Vex meeting late while sucking on a carton filled with squeezed apple refuse.) It is then assumed that the Goblin is attempting to protect the 'Juicebox' when it performs the squatting motion. Lastly, the 'Mind' controlling the goblin made little sense to me because of the way it controlled the Goblins. I a forced to go to Master Rahool about this conundrum. His insight was, "The Vex single mind does not see a fight as one on a battle field. Rather from an aerial view it commands it's troops. I have come to the conclusion that the Vex thinks like an old world RTS player. Cheap and expendable, the Goblins are the Hand Cannon fodder of the Vex Machine." R.T.S. I am still searching old data for what it means. Unfortunately, the Cryptarchs are very secretive on that. Regardless a downward view of a battlefield might explain why the Goblins always run in groups and never use cover. [/i]

[u][b]Shanks[/b][/u]: [i]I had the pleasure of meeting a Shank one time, one that I did not have to kill. It was during a conversation with a friendly Dreg to collect data for the [b]Guide[/b]. He told me that the 'Shank' was actually the mechanicised version of a biological species (it only could only tell me the species name in his native language, so I came up with the Old World name 'Dog' to describe it) that served as their companions. Unfortunately they were Methane-Breathers and could not survive off-planet. Shortly after their expansion into the intergalactic airways, the mech-dogs were militarized into what we witness today as Shanks. Now, S.H.A.N.K. is actually an acronym, which is short for: She's Having Another Nihilistic Kyropractitioner. Some hypothesize that humans were the first to come up with this phrase, others (including myself) believe it to have been a very clever and mischievous Dreg. Like their biological name suggests, these little guys are like attack dogs. You'll never see less than three of them together, they make better Fireteams than some of you readers. they come mounted with a semi-automatic energy rifle that fires fast, little projectiles. Due to their ancestral desire to companionship, these guys will often come up to your face and greet you. A confusing trait since they're optimal at range. If you "pet" them in their flat faces, they will most always stop harassing you. I would guess because they think you're now a friend and so they're comfortable enough to take a nap. [/i]

[u][b]Vandals[/b][/u]: [i]"One time, we gave an Old-World IQ test to a lunar rock, a pulse rifle, and a Vandal. The rock got a 7, the rifle received a 23, but the Vandal scored -4." -Lord Shaxx If you were ever to be killed by stupidity, it will probably be because a Vandal was shooting at you. These guys are big, dumb, and often thought Servitor Amabo was doing an amazing job. As perceived by the vast ignorance, they like to act big and tough and boss those more intelligent (I.E. Dregs) to do the work they think is below them. If we threw one into the Total Perspective Vortex, we'd hypothesize that it'd not only survive, but also steal the fairy cake. As for combat capabilities, there are three variations a Vandal chooses to follow: 1. Squad Bossing. Because of a Vandal's vast intelligence (that's sarcasm, by the way), the ones you will see often are the angry, in-your-face, commander of a group of Dregs. Their aim is so horrid, so each is equipped with a wave-pulse rifle that spews homing missiles. That way they'd actually hit you. 2. Stealthy Snipers. The most intelligent of them, IQ of maybe 8, will pop on a cloaking device and grab a fusion rifle. Unfortunately, they never realize that the charging of the gun is completely visible to those they're aiming at, so they'd only hit the unaware or the pre-occupied. 3. Invisible Assassins. The least intelligent of the Vandals grab a few swords and run at you under the invisibility. At first it sounds like a good idea, but they fail to realize that rapid movement with stealth just makes you a visible lantern. Running into light doesn't deflect it as quickly as light hitting you. The smartest thing they do is attack in groups, the order of running in is determined with a quick game of Rock-Paper-Scissors.[/i]