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12/12/2012 7:18:32 AM
94
Girls...
So Flood, I've been friends with this girl for the past several months -that is, since school began- and we've hung out, talked a lot, and I had liked her for sometime-though no longer. Anyways, her and several other girls have told me I'm awesome, have told me I'm a sweet guy, and that some girl's is going to be swept off her feet by me one day.
Yet, what I don't understand is why wouldn't one of those girls want to date a guy like me if I am what they say I am? I certainly don't mean to make this some sort of gosh @#!*% pity party, but, I guess I wonder why girls say these things, but they don't seem to see that a guy like me is datable. Why even say it in the first place?
Any thoughts Flood? I'm kind of at a loss.
[Edited on 12.12.2012 12:46 AM PST]
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You can say that until your face turns blue, I honestly don't believe you. This isn't a question of "why do girls work this way," that you're asking. You feel like some sort of injustice is unfolding against you and your OP essentially blames the alleged nature of women. Perhaps you don't mean to, because you're young and have probably been raised with a perpetual sense of entitlement that you're unaware of. That, is not your fault. Continuing this behavior after someone like me tells you that you need to stop freaking out over someone's personal preference that has nothing to do with you, is a problem and is your fault. Anyways, the parody threads have become unbearable and I think I'll take my leave. [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Doctor Jensen [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] cortana 5 You're looking for a very particular answer, sweetie. You want people to tell you that it's not your fault that the girl who catches your eye isn't into you. You're eighteen. You've probably yet to be in an emotionally mature relationship from both sides. [/quote]True. I am eighteen. I haven't been in a relationship, no. But, while you may think that's the answer I'm looking for-it's not. And I'm not gonna lie to myself and say that it isn't my fault. Some, if not most of it, is.[/quote]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] cortana 5 You're looking for a very particular answer, sweetie. You want people to tell you that it's not your fault that the girl who catches your eye isn't into you. You're eighteen. You've probably yet to be in an emotionally mature relationship from both sides. [/quote]True. I am eighteen. I haven't been in a relationship, no. But, while you may think that's the answer I'm looking for-it's not. And I'm not gonna lie to myself and say that it isn't my fault. Some, if not most of it, is.
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Cortana layin' the smack down.
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Because not all women are the same and look for the same things in a guy. You're barking up the wrong tree with these girls. Just because a girlfriend of mine may fall head over heels for someone, that doesn't mean I'm going to follow. Get it through your head that she's not that into you for whatever reason and you really shouldn't fret over why unless she makes a point of telling you about a major personality flaw you have. Your "I'm nicer than most guys I know" generalization holds no merit with me. So let's drop that now because you can't sell yourself as a good person to be in a relationship by comparing yourself to someone that you find to be undesirable. You're looking for a very particular answer, sweetie. You want people to tell you that it's not your fault that the girl who catches your eye isn't into you. [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Doctor Jensen [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] cortana 5[/quote]Sigh. what I meant, but I misworded: If those girls think I'm awesome, why is it that other girls don't see it? Perhaps I'm not that extroverted, but I talk to girls, I try to be fun. Guess I simply am not. Also, I am not insinuating that having manners means girls should date me. But when I am way more respectful or more nice than other guys by a long shot, you'd think it'd speak to girls about the kind of guy I am. I don't care about the recommendation part. That was a misunderstanding. Also, not in this for sex. Not at all.[/quote] [Edited on 12.12.2012 12:31 AM PST]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] DarkSunnyboy1 OP needs some confidence. [/quote]No u
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Doctor Jensen [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] I3 O O lVI E R I was your age once too. Been there. The dating world is SO much better when you're out of high school. Believe me. I have problems with girls, but I'm into the crazy wacko girls. Don't ask. Just attracted to it. [/quote]Believe me, the girls I like are wacko in their own respect. Can't wait to get out of bloody high school.[/quote] I like girls that are unstable. Never noticed it till a few months back. Every female I've ever dated is Koo-Koo for Coca Coca Puffs.
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OP needs some confidence.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] I3 O O lVI E R I was your age once too. Been there. The dating world is SO much better when you're out of high school. Believe me. I have problems with girls, but I'm into the crazy wacko girls. Don't ask. Just attracted to it. [/quote]Believe me, the girls I like are wacko in their own respect. Can't wait to get out of bloody high school.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Simba Too Cold They are not attracted to you. They vary well could think you're an amazing guy and just not have those feelings for you. It just is what it is.[/quote]So... the friend zone.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Doctor Jensen [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] I3 O O lVI E R OP, it's really simple. Instead of contemplating if these ladies like you in a boyfriend type way, make a move. Be flirtatious. You're thinking this predicament to death, instead of acting upon it. No, it's not bad to ask for advice, but keep the advice you're given in mind. If you ask them out, try not to make it seem you're forcing an ultimatum. Asking them out could probably end the friendship you're in now. So the best approach is to flirt. See how they respond. But don't be a weird pedobear. Be casual, smooth. Care free. There will be more girls. [/quote]I appreciate the advice Boomer. I'll keep it in mind.[/quote] I was your age once too. Been there. The dating world is SO much better when you're out of high school. Believe me. I have problems with girls, but I'm into the crazy wacko girls. Don't ask. Just attracted to it.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] cortana 5 Women are not vending machines that accept compliments and general manners in exchange for some ass. [/quote] This made me lol.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] I3 O O lVI E R OP, it's really simple. Instead of contemplating if these ladies like you in a boyfriend type way, make a move. Be flirtatious. You're thinking this predicament to death, instead of acting upon it. No, it's not bad to ask for advice, but keep the advice you're given in mind. If you ask them out, try not to make it seem you're forcing an ultimatum. Asking them out could probably end the friendship you're in now. So the best approach is to flirt. See how they respond. But don't be a weird pedobear. Be casual, smooth. Care free. There will be more girls. [/quote]I appreciate the advice Boomer. I'll keep it in mind.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] cortana 5[/quote]Sigh. what I meant, but I misworded: If those girls think I'm awesome, why is it that other girls don't see it? Perhaps I'm not that extroverted, but I talk to girls, I try to be fun. Guess I simply am not. Also, I am not insinuating that having manners means girls should date me. But when I am way more respectful or more nice than other guys by a long shot, you'd think it'd speak to girls about the kind of guy I am. I don't care about the recommendation part. That was a misunderstanding. Also, not in this for sex. Not at all. [Edited on 12.12.2012 12:21 AM PST]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Simba Too Cold They are not attracted to you. They vary well could think you're an amazing guy and just not have those feelings for you. It just is what it is. There is no friend zone, you may not even be ugly. Sometimes things just are. [/quote]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Seggi31 You're probably unattractive and boring.[/quote]
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Welcome to the club. My guess is that girls at that age are not interested in boys who would be good for marrying. Instead, they are interested in boys who will be fun/flirtatious. I say give it a few years, You don't need one right now anyway.
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OP, it's really simple. Instead of contemplating if these ladies like you in a boyfriend type way, make a move. Be flirtatious. You're thinking this predicament to death, instead of acting upon it. No, it's not bad to ask for advice, but keep the advice you're given in mind. If you ask them out, try not to make it seem you're forcing an ultimatum. Asking them out could probably end the friendship you're in now. So the best approach is to flirt. See how they respond. But don't be a weird pedobear. Be casual, smooth. Care free. There will be more girls.
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Anyone can have manners and show basic signs of respect. Wanna know why, [i]in general[/i] girls won't go out with a guy just because her friends say he's awesome? Because she's just not that into you. Maybe you're boring or smell. Maybe you follow her around like a lost puppy, looking for a relationship, then wondering why she won't pet you and take you home. Your intention should be to relearn how to approach someone of the female gender. Being respectful doesn't make you an exception. People should expect that kind of treatment from others. I'm not going to date the next guy that holds a door for me, so why should she? As for my "girlfriends" saying that some dude is awesome, I really don't care. I'm not going after every guy they give the [i]slightest[/i] recommendation for. Women are not vending machines that accept compliments and general manners in exchange for some ass. [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Doctor Jensen [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] cortana 5 You're going in with your main intention being that you're trying to develop a relationship. You're taking compliments the wrong way because you're looking for a relationship, and when rejected, you claim to have these awesome relationship credentials. I think I found your issue. [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Doctor Jensen Don't get me wrong, I don't feel entitled to a relationship. It's simply frustrating to work hard to attempt to develop a relationship with a girl, have all these nice things told to me, then nothing ever comes of it. I'm not some amazing guy, but I cant treat a woman better than half the guys I know.[/quote][/quote]All I said was that I simply could treat a guy better than half the guys I know. That means, manners, respect, that kind of stuff. As for the compliments, when I typed it out, my intent was to wonder why girls [i]in general[/i] wouldn't want to date a guy who my friends who are girls have said is awesome. I don't know why I asked about them. Tired I guess, but regardless. Should my intention be for friendship then? The friendzone is a dangerous place.[/quote]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] I3 O O lVI E R You're trying way too hard. Directed towards OP.[/quote]Not my intention.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Marinade [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] I3 O O lVI E R [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Marinade [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] I3 O O lVI E R Both.[/quote] Sadly no. I went with the one that thought I was just nice enough. I wouldn't have minded both, but I think more alcohol would have needed to be involved. They seemed heteroflexible to me.[/quote] Buy more alcohol next time.[/quote] I was in college at the time. Money was still a bit too tight for that really.[/quote] Touche on that.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] I3 O O lVI E R [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Marinade [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] I3 O O lVI E R Both.[/quote] Sadly no. I went with the one that thought I was just nice enough. I wouldn't have minded both, but I think more alcohol would have needed to be involved. They seemed heteroflexible to me.[/quote] Buy more alcohol next time.[/quote] I was in college at the time. Money was still a bit too tight for that really.
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You're trying way too hard. Directed towards OP. [Edited on 12.12.2012 12:06 AM PST]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] xl OC Girl lx [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Marinade [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] xl OC Girl lx Just going from experience here, when a guy texts me too much, is ALWAYS available to hang out, I think he's either a stalker or has no life. Girls like a little mystery, a guy who has his own life, and knows how to tease her. Looks help a lot too. [/quote] From the opposite side I've had girls that text me a lot. It just gets annoying after a while. Makes them seem way to desperate. I imagine a similar thing happens the other way around. I've had a girl ask me to do something, but I already had plans. So all I said was, "I've already got plans. How about we do that - I think it was 2 days later - instead. I'm not doing anything then." She was quite happy to oblige that request. From my experience most women will not be upset with you if you tell her you have plans and aren't going to blow them off to do whatever she wants. Provide you suggest a time that you will do it. If you just blow them off, yeah you'll look like an ass.[/quote] I think people just want what they can't have... Or want something more if they have to work for it. I like when a guy can go out with his friends and not invite me sometimes. Now, if I'm never invited, that's a whole different story haha[/quote] Yeah that is true. I have one thing I do that is a little dickish and I know it is. I'll go up to a group of girls at a bar where there are one or two that are decidedly more attractive than the rest, and ignore them. Talk to and be a little flirty with one of the 'less attractive' girls in the group. Almost every time I've done this. One of the more attractive ones gets really jealous that her less attractive friend is getting the attention and ends up trying to get me to pick her up instead. It's rather funny. Oh and one last thing I just thought of. The main reason that I see guys get 'friendzoned' is because they give the girl no indication, what-so-ever, that they are interested in more than that. Just being nice to them isn't enough, that's what their friends do. If you don't flirt with them, or just straight up tell them you're interested, they aren't going to think you are. They feel it would be a waste of their time to try anything more and you'll just be seen as a friend. So if you want to be more than friends, grow a pair and let her know.
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] cortana 5 You're going in with your main intention being that you're trying to develop a relationship. You're taking compliments the wrong way because you're looking for a relationship, and when rejected, you claim to have these awesome relationship credentials. I think I found your issue. [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Doctor Jensen Don't get me wrong, I don't feel entitled to a relationship. It's simply frustrating to work hard to attempt to develop a relationship with a girl, have all these nice things told to me, then nothing ever comes of it. I'm not some amazing guy, but I cant treat a woman better than half the guys I know.[/quote][/quote]All I said was that I simply could treat a guy better than half the guys I know. That means, manners, respect, that kind of stuff. As for the compliments, when I typed it out, my intent was to wonder why girls [i]in general[/i] wouldn't want to date a guy who my friends who are girls have said is awesome. I don't know why I asked about them. Tired I guess, but regardless. Should my intention be for friendship then? The friendzone is a dangerous place.
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You're going in with your main intention being that you're trying to develop a relationship. You're taking compliments the wrong way because you're looking for a relationship, and when rejected, you claim to have these awesome relationship credentials. I think I found your issue. [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Doctor Jensen [/quote]Don't get me wrong, I don't feel entitled to a relationship. It's simply frustrating to work hard to attempt to develop a relationship with a girl, have all these nice things told to me, then nothing ever comes of it. I'm not some amazing guy, but I cant treat a woman better than half the guys I know.[/quote]
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[quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Marinade [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] I3 O O lVI E R [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] Marinade [quote][b]Posted by:[/b] I3 O O lVI E R Exactly. You gotta stand tall and be proud of yourself. Never be too nice. [/quote] I've been told by one girl that I was too nice. I thought it was weird. Her friend was like, "No, I think he's just nice enough." I'm going to let you guess which one I hooked up with that night.[/quote] Both.[/quote] Sadly no. I went with the one that thought I was just nice enough. I wouldn't have minded both, but I think more alcohol would have needed to be involved. They seemed heteroflexible to me.[/quote] Buy more alcohol next time.
