So i've been reading the story so far and the best way i can describe it woupd be as the skeletal backbone of a really good story, but none of the elements of a good story. The biggest issue is a severe lack of description. You are skimping by each event without taking the time to go in and describe what is actually happening. 6 parts in and the reader knows remarkably little ahout Blaze, who is one of only 2 relevant characters in the story. The second relevant character is Dink, but he only matters for the one part that he was in and then his arc is over for now. What the reader knows about Blaze is this: He hates his homeworld His best friend was Dink He has a spaceship He was a nomad for a bit and then got some weapoms training on some fighter planet somewhere Important details that the reader doesn't know: What Blaze looks like. There are no details of skin, hair, or eye color, nor any details about the types of clothes he wears. What Blaze sounds like. Blaze has yet to say a direct quotation. Where/how he got a spaceship What his homeworld life was actually like What kind of shenaniganery he and Dink got up to in their free time Pretty much anything about his personality What kind of ecosystem Blaze lived on his hoemworld Things are happening way too fast for the characters or events to develop. For example, let's examine the Dink part. So, ther reader is introduced to Dink, then he dies, then he comes back to life and now he's a supervillian, and then Blaze just dips off the planet in all of about 8 sentences. However, the reader still does not know what Dink looks like or anything about his personality, and he/she can't really connect to Blaze or Dink without knowing these crucial details. Going on with the Dink part, you say they go to a temple, but again, the reader knows absolutely nothing about the tenple. What does it look like? Is it like a Muslim mosque or a Greek temple like the Pantheon or even a Christian church could considered a temple or is it completely alien and made-up architectural style in your head? Then, when they get to the temple, what are they talking about, what are they looking at? I can imagine that the last conversation between a guy and his best friend would be pretty dramatic, and you missed the oppritinity to really dive deep into the characters' personalities and motications. Then, the temple somehoe falls on Dink, but Blaze escapes fine. It's not enough to just tell the reader this, the reader needs to know how the explosion went off and how exactly Blaze escaped but Dink did not. I know i make it sound bad, but the absolute WORST possible thing you could ever do in terms of your writing is give up. Instead, what i need you to do is, when you sit down to write the next part, close your eyes and envision exactly what is going on in the story. First thing is to picture your characters. Assuming Blaze is there, what does he look like? Is he dirty and tired from traveling or clean and ready to go? Are his clothes worn or are they fresh and new? What is his facial expressions? (Facial expressions are the best detials you can use to depict emotions). The second question to ask is what are the characters doing? This one is as simple as it sounds, bit make sure you lace your descriptions with vivid detail to give the reader an idea of how they thungs are happening. The third and final question, one of the hardest yet most important, is what is the setting? To write with just words is a piece doomed to fail. You need to write with all five of the senses. What does it smell like, what does it look like, what does it sound like, and what does it feel like are HUGE factors for establishing atmosphere and tone. Anyway, that was my little rant, so good luck, and if you have any questionson what or how to do something, don't hesitate to comment or pm or whatever. Now, i don't guarantee to have all or even any of the answers because i am far, far from a proffessional writer, but i will try my best to help develop your story. Good luck and i hope to see you improve as the story goes on!

BUNP