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4/20/2019 5:28:45 PM
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The Offtopic Murder Mystery (PART 8)

Everyone, except Graviton who had vanished, gathered around Xombie, who laid unconscious. Speaker knelt down to check his pulse. “Any idea how he got into this state?” Tiger shook his head. “No idea, I was gonna offer him up some Molasses Oreos when I found him like this. He isn’t dead is he?” “A skeletal -blam!- like him?” Retorts Wyoming. “I highly doubt it ole chap.” “Ole chap? What are you 12 century British?” Asks Ringleader. “No, I’m just a video game character made by a bunch of -blam!- internet dwellers in Texas. Duh.” Says Wyoming. “Would you all shut up?!” yelled Ironninja. Speaker turned his attention back to Xombie. He laid unconscious, shaking a tiny bit every few moments. Almost like having a seizure. Near him laid some cookies, mostly molasses, a glass of milk, and a half eaten cookie. “You said this was a dingleberry cookie?” asks Speaker. “Yeah, supposedly that’s poison to Xombie.” Replies Ringleader. Speaker pulls out a dagger and begins chanting. “Quimaghtah tui lathun...” Speaker then stabs Xombie, opening up his stomach and pulls out the cookie crumbs. Once all the crumbs were out, the wound magically sealed itself, and Xombie sat up instantly. “WHOWHATWHENWHEREWHY?!” “Shut it Xombie.” Says Speaker. “Now, we gotta deal with the murderer. He tried poisoning you. The god of the deep gave me some sort of clue.” “Clue?” Asks Ironninja. “Yeah, he said to ‘go to the light’. Whatever that means.” Says speaker. “Oh so like going into the light room that is used for cameras?” Replies Lee. “I guess so, let’s check there.” Says speaker. They all head toward the camera room, which is oddly locked. “Huh, wasn’t locked when we arrived this evening.” Says Lee. “Maybe the killer is inside?” “Look around us. We’re all here ole chap,” Wyoming replies. “No way the killer can be in there if it’s one of us.” “Well it’s the only place where there is a bunch of light switches and cameras. The only place that’s naturally illuminated thanks to the windows inside, so we need to-“ starts Ironninja before Ringleader, Xombie and Tiger suddenly dive out of the way yelling “GRENADE!!!!” Ironninja, Lee, Speaker, and Wyoming, all look down at their feet. Below them, lies a grenade with a symbol of an Owl, throwing out the middle finger. ‘ The pin had been pulled. Speaker sighs. “Well, at least we found the killer. So fu-“ The grenade explodes, and shrapnel and fire engulfs the four unsuspecting party guests. The entire hallway is now engulfed in flames from the grenade. “-blam!-!!!” Yells Xombie. “Who threw that?!” Yells Tiger. “NOT ME!” Says Ring. “Wait, where’s Graviton?!” They all turn around to look for Graviton, only to not see him. “Goddamnit! He must be the killer! Come on! We gotta get him!” Xombie speaks furiously. Xombie and Ring open up the door to the camera room while Tiger attempts to put out the fire. Armed with only a pipe and Irons sword, they slowly move toward the cameras, and see that the chair had been turned away from them. Someone was sitting in it. Xombie nodded to Ring, who turned it around, only to find the head of Lord Graviton sitting there. “Oh dear god!” Exclaims Ring. “Beheaded, the way I wanted to go out... damn you killer!” “Hold up Ring, what’s he on top of?” Questions Xombie. They look at the canister underneath the head, it’s name on the side reading “GORRILAS HOT AIR GAS, WE MAKE IT, YOU SURE AS HELL BUY IT.” Another explosive filled with gas. “Oh son of a bit-“ The explosion goes off, the gas escapes the room, and all three survivors fell unconscious. Four had been naded like Vietnam jungles, and one had died as he lived. As a headless piece of hot air, thought the killer as he tiptoed over the bodies. Time for a reveal he thought to himself again.

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