Honestly, I would give this a flat B, but because I'm a horrible person and B isn't an option, you get an F for inconsiderate poll construction. No, but honestly it was decent, but there were some issues that prevented me from getting truly immersed in the story. Your grammar was a little poor, especially around word choice and diction. It kinda broke my reading every couple sentences or so. This is my personal preference, but I really don't like stories written in the present progressive tense, as it seems to be a very inelegant way of writing. "He does this. He says that." It's a very simplistic style, which can be good, but it does prevent you from writing a truly immersive story imo. The openings and closings for your dialogue were a little weak. Sometimes, an implicit opening or closing, with the measure of rhe dialogue expressed through diction, is better than "Clint yells...". That's all style and format issues, but overall your plot and character's were fairly good. I felt it was a bit too rapid, the deconstruction of Zavala from the noble leader of the Vanguard everyone who would read that would start out assuming to a ruthless killer who cares more about power than people. Cayde is an extremely hard personality to capture in writing, but you did a very good job of it. I think you did go a little overboard on the humor, but again, just preference. As far as your main 3: The hunter was well written, well filled out, but I just didn't connect with him, didn't see him as coming to life. The Titan was rather flat, predictable, childishly naive. That isn't necessarily bad, but you have to make sure you flesh him out and allow him to grow in maturity as your write more. The Warlock... what did she do again? No, but on a serious note, she felt nonexistent to me, not playing as much of a role as the other 2 by a long shot. Overall, that leading lineup is strong, but needs some work to make dynamic and feel like a main character. I'm just pointing out what I believe you can improve, but there was a lot of good stuff in there too. My final bit of advice is that if you flesh this out, start out further into the storyline, "in medias res" as it is, and portray this part through flashbacks and such, so that it gains from the perspective of the person you tell the flashback through. Sorry if I was harsh, but that verb tense you used really killed it for me, so I may have been a little overly judgemental. Regardless, nice job and good luck with the rest of the story. Oh yeah, also, it seems like you haven't read a whole lot of existing lore, which you may want to do before you write your own additions to it.

It was a fun read, but there was something about the flow that didn't quite sit right. Also, it's easy to see the personalities of the titan and warlock, but your hunter is too much of a black box. It's probably been noted already, but proofread and have someone else do it for you too. The grammar was a little shot in a couple spots.

You could make it a lot more detailed. I love detailed. I loved it though, the dialogue a little to kiddish their guardians defenders of darkness of course if it it's someone like cayde sadistic in all ways lol its okay

No one reads books anymore

I think it was pretty good. Honestly from what I think of the Vanguard leaders, I feel Ikora and Zavala are a bit swapped but that might just be me. The guardians of the fireteam themselves seem... childish? I guess. That might be the point though. I've just been reading a lot of "mature" books recently, so I've gotten used to more adult characters. Character actions sometimes seem a little forced? Like the Titan I found believable, the warlock wasn't bad, but the Hunter (who seems to be the main character as of now) seemed kind of awkward in a way that wasn't part of his personality. That's really confusing to read, I know, but that's how I would describe it. Do you understand? Either way, I'm interested. And that's the main goal, isn't it?

I'll grade yours if you grade mine