I sexually Identify as a Salafist Jihadist. Ever since ISIS proclaimed the worldwide caliphate I dreamed of praising Allah, slaying the apostates and enemies of Islam with the butt of my AK-47 assault rifle, and uploading videos of myself and my fellow holy warriors beheading disgusting foreigners and other infidels who do not pledge their eternal allegiance to Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. People say to me that a person being a salafist jihadist is wrong and I’m -blam!-ing retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install high-caliber explosives and smuggled weapons and ammunition on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Ahmed Muhammad ibn Omar Sheikh bin Muhammad” and respect my right to spontaneously explode in crowded public spaces and massacre civilians and innocent bystanders in the name of Islam. If you can’t accept me you’re a jihadiphobe and need to check your apostate privilege. Thank you for being so understanding