[b][u]Iron Banner...Why!?!?[/u][/b] Not so long a time ago, Saladin said it's time to go! But Banner never made me smi-i-i-i-i-le... When you die at every chance, All I can do is wave and dance... And maybe not be crappy for a whi-i-i-i-ile! But Iron Banner makes me shiver. With every match I can't deliver. I become a doormat, T-bagged as I lay flat. So this December I just cried. And when I spawn in, even my shadow hides. Just find a zone where I can slide... Only to up and die-e-e-e! No! Why? Why? Iron Banner Why? Raced over to the Heavy, but the Heavy was dry. And this ol' boy was left with a whimper and cry. Shoutin', this'll be the zone where I die... This'll be the zone where I die! Did I bring my 1K stare? Even that won't save my derriere. Though the forums tell me s-o-o-o-o-o! I do believe in zone control, but can MIDA save this awful soul? As Kill/Death reaches an epic, all-time lo-o-o-o-o-w! Well, I know that I'm a Guardian, 'Cause it says so when I sign in. But just who is guarding who? Man my teammates sure are screwed. I was a quivered Hunter who did suck. Without a sliver of any kind of luck. Shadowshot my own foot...what the f----!!! The day...Banner, I tried. I sharted slingin'... Bye! Bye! Miss my target each time. Use my Super when it's ready, but clearly I'm blind! And my teammates, boy, were spitting salt in my eye. Thinkin', why does this guy even try? Why does he even try? Now for ten games I have been owned. And maybe controlled half a zone... But neutralized two or three-e-e-e-e-e. Then a warlock flung out some lightning beams. In a robe he borrowed from the Taken Queen. An odd look, just between you and me-e-e-e-e. While my sights, I was staring down, A Titan spammed hammers to my crown. My hunter sure was burned, My story in The Banner, churns. And while listening to words from Shaxx, Readying myself to attack. I took a shotty right to the back! Needless to say....I died!!! !Blam!-ing singin'... Bye! Bye! This Nightstalker died. Thought I was ready, oh so ready, but not ready was I. They're so good with their guns, they're dropping me like flies. Left hoping, I can still reach Rank 5. Hoping I can get to Rank 5! Helter, skelter...an enemy took shelter. Used my grenade and tried to pelt her. Nade flies high and is falling fa-a-a-a-a-st. It landed wide as she skipped past. The player slid, as the grenade crashed... To the privates-- I took a shotgun bla-a-a-a-a-st!!! Match is halfway done and my team is doomed. I spawned into a match with some room. Welcome to this Iron Dance. So, guess we never even had a chance. 'Cause 6 to 5 isn't an even playing field. But an Iron Medallion the loss will surely yield. Collect them all, Bonus Rep revealed. Just then...the se-e-e-e-e-rvers died! I started shoutin'... Bye! Bye! To Iron Banner this time. Gave it a try and surely that ain't no crime. So good night boys, I'm thinking maybe next time. Ahhh, maybe I'll give it one more try. Maybe I'll give it another try-y-y-y-y. Oh and there I was back in that place. A guardian, yet a PvP disgrace! But this time I'll show the-e-e-e-m! So it's on! I'll be nimble! I'll be quick! Maybe Monte Carlo just might do the trick! And a sword is a Guardian's best frie-e-e-e-e-nd. Oh and as I marched out on that stage, Trigger fingers ready and filled with rage! No enemy this side of Hell, Could beat me, victory I could smell! And as the death toll climbed high into the night, With my Light and with my Iron Sight. I saw players laughing and I thought, "this ain't right!" No way! K/D........point 5! I was cryin'... Why! Why! This unfortunate guy! My gun hand was steady and the bullets did fly! [i]"Real good-- ol' boy!"[/i], left blinking tears in my eye. Snifflin', [i]"How many times can one guy die?"[/i] How many times can I di-i-i-i-i-e!?!?!? I'll grab a gun I hadn't used. And hoped it would bring some better news. But I dismantled it, just the other da-a-a-a-a-y! So I'll try my Scout once more. This time I'll certainly wreck for sure! But I lost connection and I couldn't pla-a-a-a-a-y! And on my couch this grown up screamed. Of the Iron Banner and it's rewards, still I dreamed. Wait! I still have some Iron Tokens. If I can only keep from croakin'!! And with the three things I need the most... My MIDA, Stare and my infused Ghost! To victory, I can surely coast... On this Iron....Ba-a-a-a-a-nner ride! And I'll be singin'... Try! Try! Iron Banner I'll try! With my Shader, my Emblem and my Wolf's Cloak this time! And them Guardian's will be thinking[i] "who is this guy?"[/i] Ten seconds in and already he died... But hey...at least he tri-i-i-i-i-ed. I'll be singin'... Fly! Fly! Heavy's spawning, just stay alive! Drove my sparrow to the Heavy and got some rockets this time! Fully loaded and locked in on some ol' guy. Strafed too far, rocket blew up in my eye! Blowin' up rockets in my own e-e-e-e-ye! Why! Why! Iron Banner, Why!!! [b][u]Thanks for reading, everyone! Happy Ironing to you all! [/u]:][/b] [spoiler] [u][b]Here's links to my other meager attempts at parodies....and humor![/b][/u] Phogoth the Untamed Ogre [url]https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/182981909/0/0/1[/url] Sparrow Wonderland [url]https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/181061896/0/0/1[/url] Iron Ban [url]https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/188547950/0/0/1[/url][/spoiler]