New York City, at least that was what is was before the collapse, Now it's nothing but a barren wasteland, At least to us it was. Foliage grows amongst the various buildings, other places seem run down. However the Race we know as The Fallen has taken control of the once living city. They go by houses, This house known as the House of Spectres have taken over the city. As they form themselves to be a military of sorts as they heavily guard there claimed territory as they would attack intruders on sight.
The wind blows almost silently as a pack roams around as there sigil shown on the captain's banner, revealing an odd Fallen symbol meaning "Ghosts" to them. They get to the Stock trade center as get one of there servitors to get any information from some of the computers as the Servitor hacks into the various hard drives, A hunter enters the building quietly "Inspect the main door, now." Orders Narksis, The Spectre archon. "Yes sir." Replies The Captain. The Captain get to main door only to find "nothing".
The Hunter spies on the pack as he then gets to a storage room. In the Storage room, he find something of great interest. "Jackpot." Says the Hunter as he goes to claim the item, It turns out to be the Shadow Price, Toland, the Shattered's Auto rifle. "Let's see if this still fires true..." The hunter asks himself. He exits the storage room to see that the Servitor was to successfully get all of the Intel as the pack prepares to leave, The Hunter then fires at the two Vandals, Killing them the rest of the pack come to find the Hunter. One of the Captains and the Archon open fire at the Hunter, Injuring him. The Captain steps on the Hunter's chest as he draws his shock blade to the Hunter.
Weakened, The Hunter is left defenseless, The Captain picks up the Hunter only then to slit his throat. The oil-like blood comes squirting out of the Hunter's neck as his lifeless body fall back to ground. The pack leaves to return to there Ketch. Narksis comes into the Throne room, where Salviks, the Spectre Kell remains. "Mighty Kell, A guardian has been slain by our brethren." Narksis reports. "Excellent, but there are much worse threats than that." The Kell gets up from his throne to show Narksis a map of sorts. "More houses have appeared, the biggest threat right now is the House of Hunters..." Explains Salviks. "So, Keep the territory heavily fortified?" Asks Narksis "Indeed." replies Salviks. "Consider it done." The Archon then leaves the throne room.
Vandals patrol around on rooftops as they find nothing. Everything is silent as it normally would be, as they keep scouting. A howl is then heard in a distance as A squadron of Revenants, the Spectres' equivalent to the silent fang are sent to investigate. As they get to there destination they find there fellow captain bleeding to death as a Shock blade is impaled into his chest. "What happened?" Asks a Revenant. "I-it was the House of Hunt..." He then dies from a lack of blood. "Return to territory." Orders the commander. They return to the territory sending out a warning of the House of Hunters. Word is soon goes out to Salviks that a House of Hunters attack was made, Salviks the declares war on the opposing house.
Soon after, The House of Spectres defense are raised significantly waiting for there rivals to enter combat. Walker tanks are deployed in large area as the Infantry are patrolling. Salviks remains in his ketch until he receives word of any House of Hunters activity.
Chapter 2: House of Hunter coming soon.
I'm bad at critique n stuff so...
7/10 I think, idk. I'm not used to this.
First it started using terms like "Us" and "we" and such, which seems aimed at the reader. Forth wall breaking. Then it's switches to omniscient I think. That's the first thing I'll pick apart about it I think...
Was that intentional? Who are "we" supposed to be?
Second is it goes a bit fast, making the reader have to do more work. Fine detail isn't really there.
Should be able to easily add things in. It's just the meat on the burger you need, the bun is good.
Third I just thought of is that there's no sense of attachment, purpose, etc. It's just sort of [i]there[/i]. Not following anyone. There's also not a strong pull making me want to read another, which could partly be because of the former things.
This could be fixed by simply putting in a good character to follow. Someone to attach to as well as a conflict.
"We" would be the people at the tower A.K.A Humanity n stuff so I don't think it was intentional to be honest.
Yeah... This was really an intro, the further it goes the more it would expand.
So, yeah I know what your coming at.