[DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MEANT TO BE HUMOROUS] *Knocks on a door* *Quietly sits down* Chubbyninja: Uhhhhh....Mr. Tig- Me: SIT THE -blam!- DOWN AND LISTEN UP MUPPET REJECTS! IVE HAD A FEW -blam!-ERS START TO QUESTION MY TEACHING CAPABILITIES! I AM MORE THAN QUALIFIED TO TEACH YOU HOW TO -blam!- UP ALIENS AND POTENTIALLY IMPREGNATE A WALRUS!!! Err.....never mind. Anyhoo, onto today’s lesson! The Vex! [b]Backstory:[/b] Funny thing about the Vex. They’re like the Joker, with no real backstory and the ones we got are dogshit. Time traveling robots with no backstory? Mortal enemies of the Hive? Personal sex slaves that throw out too much Vex Milk? Not sure. What we do know is that their motive, is to be “one with the universe” or some hippie shit like that. Actually I think they want to be the Universe, like one of those Edgy Teens that overpopulate shitty Horror movies. And what happens to those teens you may ask? THEY GET A -blam!-IN MACHETE THROUGH THE GUT!!! *Clears throat* Sorry. [b]Vex Biology[/b] Now, the only thing I can tell you about the Vex is that they aren’t purely robots. They’re like cyborgs. I’m talking the Comic version, not the shitty movie version. Their juice boxes are filled with what the Locks like to call “Radioloria”. I call it “Space Jizz”. Sounds nicer. And it doesn’t hurt when you get it on you. Just don’t eat it, Kabr tried that and turned into one of these sex slave robots. For a Titan, he was a dumbass. But also a badass. [b]Vex Ranks [/b] Now, the Vex ain’t like your generic fallen -blam!--Sock. They don’t have ranks, they got specific minds for different shit. Like builder or Archivist, like that one Vex Mind that we accept in these Lore School. I ain’t saying he is gonna attack us, buuuuuutttt....... Anyhoo, here’s the ranks A-ARon. -Goblin: Default sex space -Hobgoblin: The one who likes to fight back and are sniper sons of bitches. -Minotaur: Teleporting sons of -blam!-s that seriously need to just teleport into oblivion -Harpy: Floating Herpes. Nothing more nothing less. -Hydras: Big Heavy Armor bois. Seriously -blam!- em. And then you got the special -blam!-ing Vex. Ohhh so special because they get to do some fun shit! -blam!- YOU PANOPTES AND -blam!- YOU ATHEON!!! YOU BASTARDS TOOK TEN YEARS OFF MY -blam!-IN LIFE YA -blam!-IN BASTARDS!!! IF I COULD I WOULD SHOVE YOUR ASSES OFF THE -blam!-IN CLIFFS AGAIN! Whew....sorry about that. Prescription drugs wore off! Now, onto the part where I cuss out the Vex. Aaron: Mr. Tiger, why do you spend so much cussing out WHAT PART OF SIT THE -blam!- DOWN DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YOU TINY LITTLE FAILED -blam!- STICK?! TOO HAPPY BECAUSE YOU GOT UOUR FIRST EXOTIC?! GUESS WHAT BITCH!! WE ALL HAVE EM!!! SO SIT DOWN AND TALK AGAIN WHEN IT’S NOT YOUR TURN AND I’LL HAVE LOUIS OVER THERE HAVE SOME BEDTIME FUN WITH A CAT!!!!!!! Louis: But I don’t have a cat. SHUT THE -blam!- UP LOUIS!! Now onto a storytime. [b]Story-time[/b] Once upon who the -blam!- knows- *Opens a beer bottle and drinks the whole bottom in a few seconds* -Some random -blam!-er decided to go in a garden, he got a cut from a Thorn on his hand and decided “oh no I’m not special like my Traveler daddy told me, this garden is evil! I don’t want to be back here.” This was Punjabi or Punjaru or whatever the -blam!- his name was and saw the Black Garden. Let me tell you this. HE PROBABLY WAS HIGH FROM GETTING RAILED BY THE AMOUNT OF TIMES HE DIED!!! THE GARDEN DOESN’T HAVE THORNS!!! THE CRUCIBLE DOES!! AND IM SICK AND -blam!-IN TIRED OF IT!!! *Throws the bottle at the wall and walks out* *Minutes if silence pass* Tommy: Who the -blam!- hired this guy?