[b]This is probably going to be a long, dull read unless you happened to know me around here. So, for the first time in any thread i've made, I am leaving a TL:DR in the spoiler at the bottom for the sake of those who just happen to be curious on what this is all about, but don't want to invest the time. Thank you.[/b] I don't know how many people I used to know are still around here, maybe this thread will fall on deaf ears, but regardless, a few of you might remember me. And might recall, I made a thread about...two months ago saying that I was taking a break from this place. I've taken a break from a few different things, and that has left me with a lot of time to really think about certain aspects of my life, and what my life might look like down the road. There's nothing majorly negative happening to me currently, and nothing has really changed...but i'm starting to feel as though maybe i've changed. Or, that i'm more the same than I thought I was. For the first time I can think of, I can actually see a life in front of me. But now, i'm just wondering if it's a life that I really want, or if i've just spent all of this time conforming to the plans and wants of others, without giving much thought to what I want out of life, or if I really want anything. More or less, very little truly feels "real" to me anymore. I just feel like i'm caught up in some long dream or illusion, like there's nothing for me here, and that i'm going to be stuck at this point for the remainder of my life, where i'm bouncing between short, intermittent periods of relative comfort and more steady, longer streams of stark emptiness and dread that leave me wanting to go to sleep and not wake up more often than i'd like to admit. I used to feel this way a lot, for a long time, and I thought I had improved and moved away from it over the past few years...but now I think I may have just pushed those feelings aside and never truly resolved them. And now i'm dealing with the consequences of that. I haven't really felt any desire to come back here, I don't really feel the desire to do much nowadays. So...this might be the end of my stay here. I don't know what the state of this community is right now, but after spending eight years consistently visiting somewhere, it grows on you. I met a lot of nice people over the years, enjoyed my time either just dicking around or actually having meaningful conversations with those who were willing to listen and share. It's been a good time, this has been a good place, y'all (old and new) have generally been pretty good people. But I just don't think i'll be finding myself around these parts much anymore. If this comes as a disappointment to anyone, I apologize, though I feel like the majority of users who were familiar with me have probably moved on by now as well, though hopefully for different reasons. Anyway, this has been drawn out enough. This may be my last time signing off, at least until I can figure out how to handle or better manage my problems, and start to feel like there's some reason for me to keep going. Thank you all, for any words you've given or time you've spared on my behalf. And if I didn't get the chance to know you, i'm sure it would've been just as pleasant. Make the best of what you have, and the time you're given. One day both may run out more quickly than you think. [spoiler]TL:DR - Dealing with long-held emotional issues, don't feel like I have it in me to come around and visit/post like I used to. Signing off for potentially the last time.[/spoiler]