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Edited by Bruce Wizard: 5/30/2022 6:31:58 PM
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Bruce Wizard
Bruce Wizard

*Whispers* "Hail HYDRA..." old

5/30/22 - Weekly Reminder To Hail HYDRA!

*Gets struck in the face with a thrown shoe* Good afternoon and hail HYDRA. Last weekend, HYDRA analysts identified what was causing network crashes every Friday. It turns out it was a sentient computer virus, just a fragment of Ultron’s programming. It crashed HYDRA’s (semi) secure networks because it was voraciously devouring code. By uploading WEASEL.EXE every Friday, we were unintentionally feeding it. It wasn’t until recently that it evolved into a god-virus. Determined to destroy it once and for all, Crossbones literally plugged himself into the Matrix to do battle. Unfortunately, he was captured and his mind has merged with that of the god-virus to become WEASELBONES.EXE. Skull Team 6 was mobilized to battle the cyber scum, but despite their best efforts, the op ended in failure. WEASELBONES.EXE kept spawn-killing Skull Team 6 until we decided to pull them out, leaving each commando with a disappointing KD/R of 0.00. The nerds in R&D were able to isolate WEASELBONES.EXE onto a thumb drive and upload it to SHIELD’s cloud servers. It’s their problem now. In other news, today is Memorial Day. HYDRA would like to honor all of fallen service onion flavored guardsmen and guardswomen who gave their lives for The Cause and also especially those who have bravely died fighting against us. By doing so, you’ve earned our respect and we salute you. At all our bases worldwide, Red Skull has ordered us to our banners raised at half-mast. To fallen heroes! HYDRA is invading Offtopic again on the Fourth of July. Are you ready for 24 hours of high quality shitposting?! Someone has hacked Site-Alpha’s loudspeaker system to blast Mio Honda’s [i]Step![/i] on repeat. That is all for this week. All rise and salute the glorious dead! [T]7 [T]/ [b][i]HAIL HYDRA!!!!!!!!!!![/i][/b]

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