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3/21/2022 2:18:56 AM
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I'd once again recommend scaling back the use of "the human" and "the elf", and similar phrases to describe characters. Feels weird when you do it so often; should be an every now and then thing. I'm also not entirely clear on how this magic works. Like, there's the Thread, but is the Thread everywhere? Or is it something Nona's moving around inside himself? Is he drawing it into a rune, or is it just kinda clumping together? Is this all physical--like, is there an actual magic thread moving around--or is it metaphysical--the "thread" is more just a representation to make it sound better? And, like, does it just respond to movements/thoughts? I'm still not clear on how it works. I liked how Nona became enraptured with the spell, though, playing with it like a child as soon as he got it down. :p
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  • Thanks for the reminder on the formal pronouns! I think i get carried away trying to keep it varied and i don't realize that i do that so often. Yeah, i wasn't very happy with this segment, but i got it done, so the nagic usage was a little more vague than i wanted it to be. Magic should appear a lot in the next few parts, so hopefully the more i can desceibe it, the clearer the functions will become.

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  • It probably doesn’t help that every time you say human I read it like Dracula. “The HUUUUUMAN made a ball of light in his hand!” Honestly, writing magic descriptions is just super hard. [i]We[/i] know how it works, and [i]we[/i] just kind of intuitively know all the rules, and consciously or not, we just kinda assume everyone else does, too. I had to rewrite my magic description in my book three times before my peer reviewers finally understood it. :p

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  • What is a [i]MAAAN[/i]?? Nothing more than a forgetful little pile of enthusiasm! But enough talk, cast another spell! The easy solution is that i just need more practice doing the magics. The next bit is taking me a little while, but it is going to be a multi-part chapter with many varied spells in one section, so hopefully things will get clearer as the story moves onward. I really want to get the basics of the system solidified in this section, so that i don't have to worry about explaining thinsg in the meat of the story. Oh, and thanks for those questions; they are really helping me figure out what to say in this next chapter!

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  • Your lessons are as empty as your soul! Reke and I ill need a teacher such as you! And yeah, no problem. Hopefully it makes sense with an example, but I speak from experience when I say that doesn’t always happen. I mentioned I needed to rewrite my magic descriptions 3 times, well the second time was after my peer reviewer had read the whole book. They read the [i]entire[/i] book not really getting how the magic worked. :p

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