A few lines could use some cleaning up—I lost track of what was happening at a few points. Fight scenes are hard, though, and I don’t actually have any advice because I’m not great at them either.
I do think you probably should’ve combined this part with the previous one, too. While the fight was important, it didn’t actually add much story-wise.
Very nice, though, very spooky! That was the first player-created character, right? I’m a bit impressed how naturally he’s weaved into the story. I don’t know if you were planning to have the poacher a “player” to begin with, but honestly having to improvise a bunch of new characters into a story sounds like a fun exercise. Makesme tempted to try it!
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I'm so sad I missed this; I was too busy playing around with my alt :(. I'm gonna keep the spacing in mind, especially since my schedule is spaced out too long. Hopefully I can get a bit father ahead soon, but I keep overcomplicating things for myself. So far, I've only introduced two player-made characters: Condi and the poacher, but the next chapter will also have a player made-char. For the most part, I'm liking this exercise because it forces the writer to keep an open mind. In the introduction, you guys didn't have a good idea of the direction I was heading or how the magic system worked, so, as I was getting characters rolling in, the details started forming around premade characters.
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Oh, Condi was player made, too? I didn’t even realize that! Must’ve missed his entry on the signups. Well, that’s a good sign that I’ve missed it. Means you wove him in super naturally! Which in turn makes me excited to see how you’ll introduce spooky fish girl! :D I was wondering what was up with the alt. Was worried you got banned for something in the story, or something like that.