[spoiler]This is actually my first time participating in one of these so I’m open to criticism.[/spoiler]
[b][u]Race;[/u][/b] human(formerly), now unknown
[b][u]Name;[/u][/b] unknown, goes by “Wraith”
[b][u]Appearance;[/u][/b] very pale skin, white eyes, grey hair
[b][u]Occupation;[/u][/b] The Ashes
[b][u]Weapon;[/u][/b] one arm replaced with claw made of floating silver, sleek-looking segments with blue energy flowing through them
- can channel the rage of the damned to throw hellfire out of the claw, causing it to take on a more demonic aesthetic seemingly made from volcanic rock
- can allow a soul from The Ashes to possess an enemy or damn an enemy to join The Ashes
- arm can extend to act as whip or grapple
[b][u]Bio;[/u][/b] [i]His real name is unknown, even to himself.
All he knows is that decades ago, his village was wiped out by war. On the brink of death, he was brought back by “The Ashes,” a collective of all tortured souls in [insert your version of Hell].
The voices are constantly in his head, urging him to fulfill their debts. Anytime he fulfills a soul’s debt, it leaves him and moves on into the next life. Once he fulfills every debt, then he too will finally leave this world and move on.
He may allow a soul to temporarily take over his body if he feels they need to complete the debt themselves.[/i]
English
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Looks pretty good to me. Did you want to go full in to the wraith thing or stick with a half-wraith, half-human?
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Edited by Centaur-1: 12/10/2021 12:04:12 PM[quote]Looks pretty good to me. Did you want to go full in to the wraith thing or stick with a half-wraith, half-human?[/quote] Wraith is just his name. Other than the claw and the hundreds of voices screaming at him in his head, he’s basically a normal human, just really pale with dead, white eyes. I’ve been trying to think of other stuff for him to do besides getting himself possessed, specifically something to do with the claw. One idea I recently had was that the claw could temporarily allow a soul to possess whoever the claw touches or potentially rip out other’s souls and make them join The Ashes, though if he does condemn a soul to The Ashes, their debt will be added to the rest. I’ve also rethought the part about the arm turning into volcanic rock only when Wraith’s possessed because it does virtually nothing. Now, the claw normally has the silver look but Wraith can channel the rage of the damned to throw hellfire from the claw. And because the arm is separated into multiple pieces that never touch, the arm can stretch to a long distance. Feel free to adjust or leave out any of these ideas cause I honestly got carried away.
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No, it's great, but i am having a tad bit of trouble fitting this character in to the outline, so i might have to make a few modifications with the Ashes. I was thinking that instead of each soul having its own debt-price, the Ashes make bargains with Wraith, then one or a few of them leave once the bargain is fulfilled. They'll still be a collective with each having their own goals, but i think this way they'll be a little more unified. Hundreds of souls with their own debt-price might be a little too much for me to handle. Are you cool with this change, or does it stray too far from your character?
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Edited by Centaur-1: 12/13/2021 7:17:26 PMThis sounds great. I’m fine even if he doesn’t appear in the story at all, just thought I’d lend some ideas.
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Awesome, i think i know where i'm goibg to put him. Thanks