In my defense, I was only 14 when this happened.
When I was a kid, I would spend hours wandering around the woods near my house. I would bring a .22 rifle and a hunting knife and just explore for miles around, and some days I would be far enough out that I couldn't even see any signs of other people. It's an exciting feeling, knowing that you're completely alone, the real kind of alone that you don't get living in a city or suburb. One such day, I wandered about half a mile from the path and, to my great surprise, I saw a baby deer by itself. I was wondering why it was alone when I noticed it had a slight limp.
Feeling devious, I took a quick glance back and figured that no one would see or hear me, being pretty far out and half a mile from the path. A little nervous, I slowly approached the deer. Amazingly, it didn't run away. I guess it just was too young to have learned a fear of humans yet. I reached out and tried petting it. It seemed kind of nervous, but it still didn't run or fight or anything. It was at this point that I noticed it was a female.
I"ll admit that 14 year old hormones may have been at play as I reached back there. The deer may have tolerated petting, but it was NOT happy about that. It jerked around and make a sort of grunting noise (you don't normally think of deer making noises, but they can actually get pretty loud). At this point the deer started trying to run away, but having gotten the idea in my 14 year old head, I didn't want to let it go, so I grabbed on and buckled down. The baby deer was really freaking out and making a lot of noise, enough noise that I actually started to worry about the path being half a mile away. Panicking and wanting to quiet the thing down, my first thought was of the .22 rifle, but that was strapped to my back and I couldn't reach it without letting go of the deer. In my panic, I latched my hands around its mouth and nose, just trying to get the damn thing to be quiet. It really started struggling, more than I ever thought possible, but adrenaline was pumping and I stayed firm. Slowly, the kicking and jerking around slowed, the bleating halted altogether, and the deer just fell over.
I killed it.
I could feel fear and shame slowly course through my chest as I realized what I had done. But I had not forgotten what started this as I looked at the tight virgin deer's vagina. Taking another look around and reassuring myself that no was around, I dropped my pants.
The vagina was in rigor mortis, and was very dry. Despite my best efforts, I simply could not penetrate it. But I hadn't trekked into the wilderness and choked a deer to death just to not get anything for my efforts. I pulled out my knife and tried to cut the opening wider. Eventually, I was able to insert myself into the warm corpse, and the blood seeping from the cuts acted as enough lubrication to allow me to thrust in and out somewhat. So I did. I -blam!-ed that dead baby deer.
When I finished, I suddenly realized what I had done, and I felt sick. I threw up and ran all the way home. No one ever found the deer and I got away with it. Overall, it was a good day.