You asked for criticism so I’ll provide. Keep in mind I’m a nit picky-over analytical douche bag. Besides this chapter I’ve only ever read like two other of your posts, so if I’m missing a big plot point that’s why. You appear to want to frame your events in the way of importance and tension, however your dialogue choices take any sense of tension/threat out of the event. When you make your characters joke around while fighting or preparing for an event it makes the conflict laughable. Imagine if during the end of A New Hope the rebels were just fecking off while fighting the death star, it kinda make everything look like a joke. In this example your characters are making wince worthy puns while doing whatever it is they’re doing. It seems like you try to make something “cool”, but ruin it with bland dialogue, which brings me to my next point. You dialogue is really bland. It’s predictable, boring, unoriginal, and can be as people call it, cringy. It reminds me of Destiny’s a bit, [b]and that’s not a good thing[/b]. The problem is in the frequency and duration of your dialogue. When you choose to have your characters speak it’s brief and bland, like Destiny. There’s no spice to it, no uniqueness, and the uniqueness there is, is shity Cayde-6 like dialogue. Also everyone seems to have the same speech pattern, which creates even more blandness as everyone will just feel the same. Maybe try having more character defining dialogue, since this is written word you [u]cannot[/u] express most of your characters through actions. Music spoilers are cringy, like [b]really[/b] cringy. I [b]hate[/b] using the word “cringe”, but this calls for it. This is written word and not a movie. You’re supposed to let the reader paint a picture in their head with the information you provided, this leaves things up to their imagination and can make the experience better. Don’t overplay your hand, you need to present it, but don’t go overboard. Also the spoilers ruin a bit of the pacing. You’re grinding everything to halt to say “THIS EPIC SONG PLAYS NOW”! Time to ascend. G7bunchofnumbers isn’t a good character [b]so far[/b]. He’s just not interesting. He seems like a man bound to protect and serve, that’s really uninteresting. He seems like he is constantly saying “I am good guy who is good at fighting and is good with everyone because I am good guy”. He seems like a flawless hero who’s just a hero straight honor bound man. That’s really boring if you ask me. None of his apparent respect from everyone doesn’t feel earned. You may say it’s because they’re friends, but you’re not showing it well. Alright time to take off the monocle and long nose. You can do better. This is how [b]I[/b] am viewing things, and if you’ve ever met me, you know I think from an analytical view. So take what I say as you will.