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9/17/2019 12:51:04 PM
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HoTh

This is not satire

100% legit non satire article [quote]JONESBORO, AR—Members of Jesus Is Lord Ministry Center had a few questions when they spotted a new category in the church’s financial report. “'Pastoral Chick-fil-A Fund’ just sounded a little strange to me,” said Jimmy Rogers, a long-time member and trustee of JILMC. “None of us on the board could remember greenlighting this. And when we saw the amount listed, we were really taken aback.” While Rogers and others refused to disclose the amount, they said it was safe to assume Pastor Byron Chambliss had been using the fund on a daily basis. When questioned, Pastor Chambliss stated that the fund was created to counter expenses he had been incurring on “spiritual development and enrichment.” Apparently, according to Chambliss, the Christian nugget establishment has been his discipleship hotspot. “Christianity Today recently deemed Chick-fil-A to be ‘where discipleship happens’…or it will in the next edition,” he claimed. Most members of the Pastor’s discipleship groups declined to comment as they did not want to be implicated in the scandal. One, however, anonymously stated that the leader called it “his pleasure” to treat them to the heavenly poultry once a week. “I noticed he began starting more D-groups as time went on, filling his entire week with meetings.” Local Chick-fil-A manager, Max Sedona, said he enjoyed seeing Chambliss and his groups every day. “I would ask ‘how can I serve you today?’ and they would reply that it was 'their pleasure' before we could say it. A little weird, but kind of cool.” Sedona stated that he hoped the scandal would not put an end to JILMC members enjoying the deep-fried spiritual goodness of discipleship at Chick-fil-A. [/quote] https://babylonbee.com/news/church-members-raise-questions-about-mysterious-pastoral-chick-fil-a-fund-budgetary-item

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  • Interesting and enlightening all at once...

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    • Edited by Unanimate Objec: 9/17/2019 10:44:51 PM
      [quote]“Christianity Today recently deemed Chick-fil-A to be ‘where discipleship happens’…or it will in the next edition,” he claimed. [/quote] [quote]“Chili’s is the new golf course”, declared Michael. “It will be where business [i]happens[/i]. -Small Business Man.” “It said that?”, Jan challenged. “It will”, Michael corrected. “I wrote it in.” He cocked a coy smile. “Letter to the editor”.[/quote]

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      • 1
        Ghost Rider
        Ghost Rider

        Dispensing Judgement and Hellfire. - old

        Aaaaand I’m staying a proud Catholic. [spoiler]Not sure how that’s relevant.[/spoiler] [spoiler]Sorry, all out of salt.[/spoiler]

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        • Edited by GiantSlayer: 9/17/2019 12:54:37 PM
          4
          GiantSlayer
          GiantSlayer

          Known as “Homeschool” to a few - old

          I mean....it’s not wrong... Chik-Fil-A’s food is fantastic

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          • I have a structured settlement, but I need. Cash. Now.

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            • hmmm...

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              • [quote]100% legit non satire article [quote]JONESBORO, AR—Members of Jesus Is Lord Ministry Center had a few questions when they spotted a new category in the church’s financial report. “'Pastoral Chick-fil-A Fund’ just sounded a little strange to me,” said Jimmy Rogers, a long-time member and trustee of JILMC. “None of us on the board could remember greenlighting this. And when we saw the amount listed, we were really taken aback.” While Rogers and others refused to disclose the amount, they said it was safe to assume Pastor Byron Chambliss had been using the fund on a daily basis. When questioned, Pastor Chambliss stated that the fund was created to counter expenses he had been incurring on “spiritual development and enrichment.” Apparently, according to Chambliss, the Christian nugget establishment has been his discipleship hotspot. “Christianity Today recently deemed Chick-fil-A to be ‘where discipleship happens’…or it will in the next edition,” he claimed. Most members of the Pastor’s discipleship groups declined to comment as they did not want to be implicated in the scandal. One, however, anonymously stated that the leader called it “his pleasure” to treat them to the heavenly poultry once a week. “I noticed he began starting more D-groups as time went on, filling his entire week with meetings.” Local Chick-fil-A manager, Max Sedona, said he enjoyed seeing Chambliss and his groups every day. “I would ask ‘how can I serve you today?’ and they would reply that it was 'their pleasure' before we could say it. A little weird, but kind of cool.” Sedona stated that he hoped the scandal would not put an end to JILMC members enjoying the deep-fried spiritual goodness of discipleship at Chick-fil-A. [/quote] https://babylonbee.com/news/church-members-raise-questions-about-mysterious-pastoral-chick-fil-a-fund-budgetary-item[/quote] Now this is news! "A same-sex couple said they were attacked at a Blackwell church, and one was held down while churchgoers tried to 'pray the gay away.'" Evangelical yanks are braindead.

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              • X to doubt

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              • bump

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