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Destiny 2

Discuss all things Destiny 2.
Edited by JustCallMeFluff: 7/25/2018 4:37:30 AM
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What if your Guardian wasn't the Guardian who slayed all the gods? A Destiny Story.

I've decided I'm going to write a separate story in the Destiny universe where my guardian is NOT the guardian who took on all these gods. Constructice criticism is welcomed. Depending on the feedback I might continue posting these. For a look at what these characters look like take a look at each class respectively. Thanks! - Fluff [b]PROLOGUE[/b] It must have been at least 170° outside. The sun was blistering down its heat upon the Exo, she could almost hear the sizzling and blistering of her armor as the subtle winds continuously blew dirt and dust into her scope. She was mildly uncomfortable. But at the same time there was no where else she would rather be. Breathe in. Breathe out. Hold. -BANG- The Acolytes head vanished into a cloud of darkness as the rest of his group were taken aback by the sudden demise of their brethren. They started searching for where the shot came from. They were near a cliffs edge. And mountainous terrain and ravines were high above them in all directions but behind. She chuckled. Most guardians and civilians, aside from other exos, believed that she could not feel any heat. That since she looked like a robot, she must not feel anything like a robot. She adjusted her shoulder guard and gave a quick flick of the wrist to stretch and adjusted the range on her scope. She looked down the sight for her next target. In. Out. Hold. -BANG- A Knight dropped to his knees and collapsed upon the desert floor. The remaining Acolytes took cover behind a few large boulders. Sigh. She hated that a part of civilization looked at her in that way. That she was incapable of feeling. Of hurting. Of love. But she did love. She loved being out in the system, away from the crowded streets of the Last City. She loved the dust and the dirt that wedged itself between the crevices of her armor. And she loved clearing the wilds of the creatures that have taken the lives of many civilians and guardians alike. -BANG- An Acolyte poked his head out just a little too far. A mistake he will never get the chance of making again. She did not like being in the common patrol grounds located on Mars that a lot of guardians frequented. Most of the time she would like to keep to her self and be that cliché young wolf of a hunter. The only time she had company is when she managed to convince Dairo to stop hitting on women or managing to drag Oli out of the bar on the tower, if he was sober enough to be of some use. In all honesty, she didn’t give the Oli enough credit. He may have been a drunken fool, but he was among one of the Guardians on the fireteam that destroyed Crota many years ago. He was a solid Titan, but if she was the cliché lone wolf, he was the cliché arrogant Titan. After the raid he became even more full of himself. To the point where he would drink himself stupid then make a fool out of himself one too many times. She had bailed him out of jail a couple times now. Glimmer that he swears he is going to pay her back some day. Yeah that stupid son of- -BANG- An Acolyte had spotted her on top of the Ravine and fired a void blast from its soulfire rifle. She fired a shot in return but it had just missed. The element of surprise was gone. “Well, I guess it's time to go introduce myself.” Good lord. A cheesy one liner? she thought to herself… she had been out here too long. “Ghost. How long have we been out here?" Her ghost appeared as if almost out of thin air. She never took the liberty to naming him like some Guardians. Ghost seemed a good enough name for them both. "We've been out here for 16 days, 09 hours, 19 minutes, 13 seconds…. 14 seconds… 15 seconds." She holstered her sniper rifle on her back and drew out her hand cannon. She traced the barrel with the tip of her glove. Feeling the indentation along the barrel through it. Tex Machanica… The Last Word was by far her favorite weapon. Despite the past that came with it . She jumped down off the ravine and took off in a mad sprint towards the remaining Hive, her cloak flowing behind her. She counted 4 Acolytes remaining, possibly some thrall.. Their confusion was all but gone when they saw the Hunter racing towards them. They drew their rifles and took aim. The Hunter smiled. She could feel the energy building inside her. A spark that was ready to ignite. She – A ship appeared coming in straight from behind the group of Hive beyond the cliffs edge. At first she thought it was a Hive ship bringing in reinforcements. Turns out it was a Guardians ship. But why would a Guardian ship be out here this far in the forbidden zone… I'm gonna kill him she thought to herself. The Hive soon had the same idea. They turned and began firing on the Guardians ship. Suddenly a Guardian appeared out of Transmat on top of the ship that was heading towards them. These hive were desperately trying blow the ship out of the sky . He sprung into thr air and before she could yell a curse at the Warlock he unleashed a might nova bomb that instantly disintegrated all the Hive.. She sighed. “What the hell are you doing here Dairo? Did you put another tracker on my cloak?!?!” she said, as she checked her cloak. Dairo was a sneaky and cunning Warlock. He could have possibly made good hunter. He didn’t study the archaic ways much like other Warlocks. But he was probably the smartest warlock she knew. Besides Ikora. But she didn't really [i]know[/i] her. “Why the long face my friend? Did I spoil your fun? And no, I did not track you this time by the usual means. I know you like to be out in the forbidden zone and it only took me listening in on your ghosts frequency channel to see where you’d start trouble next. “ he jumped off the ship in front of the Hunter and grabbed her shoulder. “It's good to see you, Laira.” She chuckled,, the Awoken Warlock had this incredible charisma to him. He had medium length blue hair that he kept combed behind. He had soft blue skin and piercing green eyes. He had a smile that could stop a thrall in its tracks. The thing about Dairo is that he knew it too. And would try to woo over any female he came across. Including one time with her. Which he failed miserably. Still It was almost impossible to be angry with him. Almost. She swung and popped him hard on the nose. “Ever heard of the phrase, stealing my lightning, Dairo?” Dario grabbed his nose and took a few steps back. He took a quick glance at the blood on his wraps, then at Laria, and smiled. “Ooo, you're going to regret that Laira. And its stealing my thunder. We need to go pick up Oli. I’m pretty sure he is behind bars again. But we are being given a special assignment. “ Dairo said cooly. “I'm not taking another stupid patrol assignment from the Vanguard.” She fired back. She would rather be out here in the forbidden zones than whatever the Vanguard came up with. “Trust me Laira, you're going to want to hear this assignment. Its- “ “No Dairo, unless it’s a mission from the Guardian himself. I -" “LAIRA. Shut up, this is coming straight from the Vanguard and the Guardian. As in THE Guardian.” You mean.. she thought. He must have been reading her thoughts “Yes. Atheon. Crota. Oryx. Aksis. Ghaul. Xol. Calus. THAT Guardian. “ Feelings. She felt them. Anxiousness. Excitement. Fear. Whatever it was. It was big. The Guardian was truly a legend. She had heard stories of this Guardian and his fireteam destroying gods. What could he possibly want with them? There was only one way to find out. “ Lets go.” END PROLOGUE. [b]Chapter 1[/b] https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/247286883/0/0

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  • Fan Fic =/= Lore

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    • My are probably cleaning toilets as I dont sign in anymore.....

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      • I think a different type of hunter story would be nice straying away from the cliché gunslingers and using the other supers.

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        • Hey, that's pretty good.

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          • Great stuff!

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            • This is ok, but in keeping with Bungies trade mark I've cut a few things that can be released as dlc and here's what the final product will look like. [quote][b]PROLOGUE[/b] It must have been at least 170° outside. “ Lets go.” END PROLOGUE.[/quote]

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              • That was quite good, I enjoyed it. There was a small detail I noticed though, and it is that Mars is actually a very cold planet, but otherwise I thought it was nice

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                • Zavala states that we killed gods in the heart of the black garden so I’m pretty certain we’re the same guardian.

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                  • Very nice! I also wrote a short story about the attack on the last city from another guardians perspective. https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/246764669/0/0

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                    • Sorry but [b]not lore![/b]

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                      • You have some very interesting writing habits... [spoiler]The flow of your story is thrown off by the mix of both short, choppy sentences and over-wordy descriptions. You should try to cut down on the more "pointless" words and make sure your sentences end when the subject ends, for example; "She was mildly uncomfortable. But at the same time at this moment, there was no where else she would rather be." "She was mildly uncomfortable, but in this moment, there was no where else she would rather be." (You don't want to break up a sentence unless if you're trying to place emphasis on the given topic. Such as "He was fine. Totally. Fine." Or "She felt a great pain. A Russian Pain." "An Acolyte had spotted her on top of the Ravine and fired a void blast from its soulfire rifle." "An Acolyte spotted her on top of the Ravine. Taking aim, it fired a crackling blast of void from its soulfire rifle." In this case, the first subject ended with the Acolyte spotting her, and the second began with it shooting at her. "Her ghost appeared as if almost out of thin air" "Her ghost appeared as if out of thin air" (Seems self explanatory, just be mindful of what words are necessary for your descriptions) Another thing you should try to do is to use your "And" placements better or cut down on the word more in general. "Most guardians and civilians, aside from other exos, believed that she could not feel any heat." "Most others, aside from her exo brothers and sisters, believed she couldn't feel the heat." And "She loved the dust and the dirt that wedged itself between the crevices of her armor. And she loved clearing the wilds of the creatures" "She loved the dust and the dirt that wedged itself between the crevices of her armor. She loved clearing the wilds of the creatures" Also, take it easy in the "She"s. This previous example works if it was on its own because a) It's split up to keep the flow b) the use of "She loves" places more emphasis on the second half of the topic, that she loves killing monster's. He, She and They are fine as staples in your narrative just as much as "said" is, just don't go overboard with them every other sentence. It places emphasis in awkward places and breaks up your flow. Get a little creative with ways to avoid using it so often, but don't fall into the other side of the spectrum where you're going to obscene lengths not to say the word "She". "He had medium length blue hair that he kept combed behind. He had soft blue and piercing green eyes. He had a smile that could stop a thrall in its tracks." "His blue hair was cut to his nape and always kept combed back. He had soft blue and piercing green eyes, and a smile that could stop a thrall in its tracks." (Not much else to add with this, just be careful with "And" placements) Another thing is repetition. You repeat the same words and phrases a lot. You don't usually want to do this unless you want to bring attention to the word or topic your repeating "He was a solid Titan, but if she was the cliché lone wolf, he was the cliché arrogant Titan." "He was a solid Titan, but if she was that cliché lone wolf, then he was the typical arrogant Titan." It typically flows better if you aren't reading the same word over and over again. "They turned and began firing on the Guardians ship. Suddenly a Guardian appeared out of Transmat on top of the ship that was heading towards the group of Hive who were desperately trying blow the ship out of the sky." "They turned and fired on the ship. Suddenly, it's Guardian appeared, like a ray of Light from transmat, he stood atop of his vessel. He soared towards the desperate Hive as they hopelessly tried to blow him out of the sky." You definitely have some good points in this. Certain lines are very well placed and well written. I like what you did with "Breathe in. Breathe out. Hold." then you shorten it to "In. Out. Hold." That's a good glimpse into Laria's character and how routine hunting has become for her. One last thing I'd like to add is that if you're writing your story with the perspective of multiple different characters while also keeping it third person, definitely try and imprint your narrator with the character of whoever's perspective you're viewing from. Don't write it from their view, but think of it like you're character has become the Narrator and is suspended from the story. The story is still written in third person, but has the mannerisms and quarks and speaking habits of the character you're following. Also, make sure you're consistently writing in whatever person you want, be it first or third. Just make sure you stay in that person, it can be easy to drift between the two from time to time, especially if you're writing something on the longer side, where it's easy to loose track of your writing.[/spoiler] 7/10. Good potential, a few awkward places but overall enjoyable

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                        • The writing team at Bungie can’t hope to even have a fifth of the writing talent you have. I found this interesting, well-written, and very entertaining.

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                          • Ur headline is seriously are guardian already in d2 hell saladan doesnt even recognize us

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                          • Very good writting. I'm already deeply invested in your story and this is only the prologue. Keep at it, I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

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                            • Edited by TogaedhickoryXI: 7/17/2018 1:08:06 PM
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                              TogaedhickoryXI
                              TogaedhickoryXI

                              yeah this is big iron time - old

                              "Sizzling and blistering of her armor" Git rid of blistering, you used it in the sentence before. Sizzling is a fine description and blistering doesn't make much sense for armor "She was mildly uncomfortable. But..." Should add a coma instead of a period after the uncomfortable

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                              • Good stuff. between you and Clone as an editor, this is gonna rock

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                                • Ikora isn't awoken. She's human.

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                                  • Non canon guardians

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                                    • EPIC!

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                                      • I did enjoy this. Keep it up

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                                        • Good

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                                          • [quote]It must have been at least 170° outside. [/quote] I’m being honest when I say I like it already and that’s all I’ve read so far, since I can relate to that. I’ve been in the Middle East where it was sometimes hard to determine which was more hostile, the enemy or the environment. Even in AZ, in the summer, the hottest day I can recall was 120 something. I didn’t think it could get any hotter than that. I was wrong. It can and did. But 'At least it was a dry heat', to paraphrase a line from the movie Aliens. I’ll keep reading…

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                                            • How the hell do I keep tabs on this story AND follow you?! I want to see more of this stuff online! Keep it up!

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                                              • You got me hooked.

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                                                • Let me know what you guys would like to see in the story.

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