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Edited by DeMix: 4/8/2018 9:51:55 PM
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DeMix

Myrtle Beach - by DeMix

Myrtle Beach Me and my girlfriend Rose had decided to go to Myrtle Beach back in 1997. We just packed our clothes, snacks, toothbrush and toothpaste, and a camera to get some pictures. I'm a cinematographer; So I take my camera literally everywhere I go. We had arrived at a hotel right by the ocean. It was dark when we arrived. So we went to get a bite to eat - then settled in. I couldn't actually sleep though. The woman at the front desk said the AC was having issues. And it was a hot night. So I decided to go outside and just watch the waves until it got cool enough to go back inside. It was nice and peaceful. Then I noticed something from the corner of my eye. It was a woman? She was an odd looking woman. Very tall and skinny. And her face looked like that of a doll. I was uncomfortable at that point. But I stopped paying her attention considering she was just looking out at the waves like I was. I decided to take out my camera to take some pictures. Then out of nowhere, I hear, "what are you doing?" The woman was now beside me. Being startled I yelled, "Shit! Uh... just taking a few pics for the collection." I replied. She said, "okay" and just walked away. Right back to the same exact spot she was previously. I decided to go back inside. As I walking away I looked back to see her just staring at me heavily. I started speed walking back to the room. And of course - I arrive without the keycard. So I had to knock on the door and wake up my girlfriend. And right before she opens the door I look down the hallway - it was that woman. She was just staring at me like I did something wrong. I get in the room and lock the door. My girlfriend had asked, "what's wrong." But I just ignored her and went to bed. I, unfortunately, woke up in like an hour - sweating buckets. I couldn't see how my girlfriend was sleeping. I had to go to the bathroom. So I got up quietly and went across the room to the bathroom. I noticed that my girlfriend didn't flush the toilet after peeing. But she was just the kind of person. I used the bathroom and went back to the bed and tried to get some sleep. Then I get interrupted by the carpet making a slight rubbing noise. As if someone was rubbing their feet on it. I looked up and there was no one standing there. So I check under the bed. I couldn't believe what I saw. IT WAS THAT WOMAN. I yelled at the top of my lungs, "what the f*ck!" Waking my girlfriend. She was on edge after that. So I grabbed her by the arm and went to go tell the woman at the front desk. There was nobody at the front desk. So we checked the little office behind the front desk. And when I opened the door - we found the body of the woman I had just talked to a few hours ago. Her head was missing. Blood everywhere. I almost lost consciousness. My girlfriend threw up and left the room -surprisingly neither of us screamed at the sight of the dead body. Then out of nowhere, I hear my girlfriend scream. I thought she was just screaming over the dead body. But when I looked out of the office door I saw - the weird woman was holding the head of the woman at the front desk. That f*cking psychopath threw the head at me saying, "Wanna play catch." The woman's head hit me. Immediately followed by the that the psychotic woman yelled, "You're it!" Pulling out a meat cleaver. I jumped over the desk, grabbed Rose, and ran out the hotel building. "Help!" I yelled. But it was like 1:30 A.M. so nobody was out. I took a glance behind me - the woman was gone. Rose called the police. And I wasn't taking my eyes off the front of that building. The cops arrived at the scene - and we explained everything to them in great detail. They pulled out a wanted photo of a woman and said, "is this her?" I couldn't f*cking believe it. I said nervously, "yes sir." They had told us she was a wanted serial killer. And had already killed sixteen other people. They had to review my camera. So I gave it to them. This is by far the most disturbing part. There were pics of a cleaver to my throat. I never went to Myrtle Beach again - and the woman was never caught. [b]- I'm working on a longer story atm. It won't be finished for a while.(like two weeks) Would You Rather tomorrow. Thanks for the support on the last story. Peace. [/b]

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  • Moaning Myrtle anyone?

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  • Edited by M-Sprang: 1/10/2018 5:24:15 AM
    [quote]I and my girlfriend[/quote] [b]ANNOYING INTERNET GRAMMAR NA ZI INTENSIFIES[/b] [spoiler]Jk[/spoiler]

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    • This reminded me of that similar story from VHS (maybe VHS 2) where the lesbian lovers plan to murder her husband and the lesbian would slip in the room at night and record the husband.

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      • You would be great at Twilight Zone.

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      • Just the type of scary story I like

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      • Well, that was creepy...

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      • This is a big improvement on your last story. I really like the way that you use informal language, but go careful with it - you don't want too many 'like's for example. Overall you've taken all the things that needed improving with your first story and as far as I remember improved them all. My suggestion here is to work on where you start new paragraphs and also sentence structure. Speech should always be its own paragraph, and in some places you've used dashes where a new sentence would have been preferable. Again though, this is very good and you're definitely on the right track. [spoiler]https://thewritelife.com/scary-writing/ As you're primarily a horror writer, I'd take a look at this to figure out how best to present your sentences.[/spoiler]

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        • Not bad. I liked it.

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        • Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now, wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get bored Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid All that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show, on get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas? I need to get myself away from this place I said yep what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go (go!) You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

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        • Dayyyyyom

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        • Spooky

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        • Nice story

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        • Really good, your improving! I like that your grammar isn't perfect, it gives it an effect like your telling the story.

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        • Definitely a good base, but needs to be expanded upon (as I see you are trying to do.) Keep going! :)

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        • Quality.

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        • 2
          Not bad. For stories like this, try to stay away from using "I" so much, unless you want to set it up as the lead giving a statement/telling the story to someone while still traumatized. You have to be careful, because it can easily become more of a laundry list and less of a narrative. For example, instead of, "I saw her walking towards me", you could say, "Movement from my right, caused me to turn and notice her gliding towards where I was sitting." Man, you definitely have the ability, you just need the spit and polish to make these stories glow with their inner light.

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          • Good story! The end (meat cleaver to throat part) could have used a more dramatic build up with a little more detail and a few of the parts seemed rushed but otherwise a fantastic story. Looking forward to the next one!

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            • Good shite 🅱️, but try to stretch the story a bit more, it seems a bit rushed. Especially add more details about the serial killer and the decapitated woman.

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              • I like this. It’s especially freaky for since I go to Myrtle beach pretty often. However you may want to work on the pacing. It’s so short you don’t have time to get properly spooked before the climax. Still good stuff though.

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