Are you tired of [i]other sellers[/i] charging your fusion rifles with [b][i]flaccid lettuce?[/i][/b] Companies promising you [i][b]more ammo[/b][/i], then finding out it's for your sidearm? Are you [b]FED UP[/b] with claims of legendary glory only to be shat on from the skies above with perks like [i]"surrounded"[/i] or [i]"guerilla fighter"[/i]? ...then you're in THE [b]RIGHT PLACE![/b] With more opportunity in front of you than a dev and a [b]fusion rifle,[/b] we'll have you taken™ names, and slayin babes before you can say [b][i]nerf the Weyloran's March.[/i][/b] Now, keep in mind folks, this is a [b][i]forum limited time offer,[/i][/b] not found on Reddit. [i][b]Wait![/b][/i] What am I selling you? Well, curious kittens, I'm giving you the [b]IRON BANNER DEAL OF A LIFETIME.[/b] Searching for that perfect camping spot? We've got spots for you [b][i]and[/i][/b] your friend to pitch a tent! It's not leg day, it's a game! You can [b][i]make like fabric softener and snuggle[/i][/b] in these cozy forum-only-offered camping locations. With great views of [b]A[/b] and [b]C,[/b] and just a short blink to [b]B,[/b] you can confidently write [i][b]"Mercy"[/b][/i] in your diary. Tell me a secret, you shiny-star of badassery, do you like...[spoiler]heavy ammo?[/spoiler]You sure as [b]flippity-skip-grenade[/b] do! I've got [i][b]the[/b][/i] heavy deal of a lifetime. I'll get you the [b]biggest[/b] mag in town. All natural, with no side effects. [b]YOUR TEAMMATES WON'T EVEN NEED HEAVY![/b] They'll be thanking you for taking the pressure off of them when you go solo with the [b]Thunderpone.[/b] [i](if heavy ammo lasts more than four hours please consult the official Bungie™ #help forum).[/i] I don't even have [b][i]time[/i][/b] to explain all the sweet deals we've got for you! [b]Supers[/b] that cycle faster than your ex in high school. [b]Grenades[/b] that burn more than that one true love you may never know again because she left you for vague reasons at a track meet never to be heard from again and also had to drive you the half hour back from the meet because your car had a bad transmission and then she moved to a [b][i]different country[/i][/b] and you still sometimes see her mom in the frozen foods section of Walmart. [b]BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE.[/b] Order now, [b][i]right -blam!-ing now,[/i][/b] and we'll [b]DOUBLE[/b] your rep! [b]A N D I M N O T D O N E Y E T[/b] Order [i][b]right now [u]AND[/u][/b][/i] refer a friend to do the same, and you'll receive the [i][b]official[/b][/i] fusion dance emote. It doesn't get much better than this folks. Do yourselves a favor and [b]ORDER NOW! [/b]
Your funny Senpai.