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Discuss all things Destiny.
Edited by PONETHEPOON: 12/29/2015 9:20:38 PM

Hear ye! A guide to the Iron Salad

How fitting that [b][i]Iron Banner[/i][/b] would return on my birthday. So as to ensure our mutual success, read and follow all of these unspoken rules to truly [b][i]become legendairy.[/i][/b] [b]//Connection//[/b] Connection is paramount for your battles of [b][i]not[/i][/b] holding [b]B.[/b] Ditch the Wi-Fi. Ditch the connection to your modem. [b][i]Go to your local grocery store.[/i][/b] Find the organic section. Potatoes are your friend. [b]Find the biggest potato.[/b] Take that sucker home and schlap your Ethernet cord into it. [b][i]Free wins![/i][/b] [b]//Controlling Zones//[/b] You will lose, and Shaxx will say [b][i]"You've got to control those zones!"[/i][/b], and he's right! Your primary objective will be to hold them. So rush every zone you get to. You don't actually need to capture it...just kind of walk through it. Like sparrow racing, but with better detection and less Amanda Holliday. [b]//Jam//[/b] Both kinds! Grape, or raspberry jam is a great lubricant to apply on your palms before [b][u]each[/u][/b] match. Better grip = better games. [b]//Pants//[/b] Don't wear them. (Unless you enjoy losing). [b][i]Feel the breeze.[/i][/b] [b]//Grab the heavy//[/b] A rocket in the hand is worth two in the scrub. Better to have the heavy, and not need it, than to need the heavy, and not have it. [b]It's possible[/b] teammates will sprint to you just after you grab it and melee/emote to you, this is a sign of respect and an [b][i]acknowledgment[/i][/b] of your success. [b]//Hygiene//[/b] Take a long, warm salt bath every three rounds. [b]DON'T FORGET[/b] to...[spoiler]scrub.[/spoiler] [b]//Cats//[/b] So fluffy. [b]//Your Super//[/b] Use that baby! Nothing worse than dying with a full super. As soon as that bar flashes on your screen hit your [i][b]win bumpers[/b][/i]. [b]//Yell//[/b] Because why not? Go full Goku. Practice yelling in between matches, during the load in, and throughout the match. [i]Make sure you have game chat [b]on.[/b][/i] [b]//Use 1000 Yard Stare//[/b] From what I've heard, this gun [b][i]literally[/i][/b] can't miss. [b]//Correct baggage//[/b] Refer to this [url=]tea bagging guide[/url] so your tea is always at [b][i]peak flavor.[/i][/b]

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