Post, stay determined. The future of humour relies upon you.

2 weeks into year two. "Who here has max gally"

-This was a while back...(around the time exotic shards came out) I was a level 27, this was my 3rd or 4th time doing VOG normal and me and my friends invited a level 25 to the game. I forgot how this started but after Templar, we were talking about the armor and weapon drops... Lvl 25 noob- Guys, let's dismantle the armor we got because it's fake. All of us- Wtf are u talking about? Noob- you can't get any REAL armor on normal, it's only fake legendary armor. The real armor you have to get on hard. It's the same for the weapons. Me- dude wth! That makes no sense. Noob- Its true! See look! I got an exotic weapon from Atheon normal! It's was the gayhurn (how he pronounced me), I'll dismantle it now to show you! *Noob finds exotic shard* ... See, if that was a real weapon, it would let me get any exotic I want when I dismantle it, not a stupid fake shard! Me- I don't want to be mean, but stop acting stupid bro. Noob (screaming)- IM NOT LYING! (Goes into complete rage mode and I couldn't understand the gibberish he was speaking) Friend- well ur stupid. Ethan kick this kid out please. Ethan- *Laughing his as off so hard, he could barely breath* *kid noob is still in rage mode with mic shoved half way down his throat* Noob goes screaming to his mom and dad about what just happened. We explained to them we didn't do anything wrong, then the kid grabs the mic, and starts cussing at us. He said the 'F' word and calls all of us dumb*ss, then his dad starts screaming at him and we here him say in the background "I don't know what it means". We are laughing our ass off so hard. 5 minutes later, dad returns to mic saying he's grounded and won't be able to play Xbox for 3 months, apologizes to us for the noobs bad behavior, then turns off the Xbox. I was like wtf just happened. I've got to say, this is one of the funniest things to happen with me there to witness it on xbox.

Not a noob but still funny playing Crucible and party up with 3 randoms for better communication. Everything going great but one Titan wasn't speaking until the heavy ammo notification appears. Titan Starts singing and starts making his way over to the other side of the map towards the other heavy ammo spawn . So I follow him to support. Titan - ''Every body git up its time to slam now~~....'' Me - ''Uh ...wat?'' *getting closer to the heavy ammo spawn* Titan - ''We got a real jam going down~~'' *Titan starts to sprint like a bat outa hell towards the enemies heavy ammo spawn where its surrounded by 5 guardians* Titan - ''WELCOME TO THE MOTHER F***ING SPACE JAM!'' *Epic FoH right on top of them, Kills all enemies standing near the Heavy ammo* Party erupts with laughter and Titan starts Dancing on their heavy ammo spawn Titan - ''Here's your chance do the Dance at the Space Jaaaaamm~~~'' Rest of the party had a laughing fit for the rest of the match. Man what a day that was...

What if everything you ever wanted... WAS TO KICK SHIT IN THE FACE!? FOREVER! THEN YOU NEED PEREGRINE GREAVES!!! PUT THESE SWEET-ASS LEGS ON YOUR TITAN AND YOU WILL F***ING DECIMATE THINGS WITH YOUR POWERFUL KNEES. THEY ARE GEMS. YOU WILL LOOK GLAMOROUS LIKE A STYLISH LADY WHILE YOU KNEE SOMEONE IN THE THROAT SO HARD THEIR TEETH GO FLYING OUT OF THEIR ASSHOLE! YOUR LEGS ARE BEDAZZLED! BEDAZZLED WITH THESTRENGTH OF 1,000 KODIAK BEARS IF KODIAK BEARS GAVE ZERO F***S ABOUT GRAVITY AND EVOLVED TO DO SWEET JUMPKICKS! YOU WILL SET YOUR CHILD ON YOUR KNEE TO GIVE HIM SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE ANDTHAT CHILD WILL F***ING EXPLODE BECAUSE YOUR KNEES ARE INSTANT DEATH! YOUR SON WILL DIE! YOUR WIFE WILL DIVORCE YOU! YOU WILL DIE ALONE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES YOU'VE LEFT IN YOUR WAKE AS YOUR LIFE DISSOLVES INTO A NIGHTMARISH HELLSCAPE OF VIOLENCE AND DEPRAVITY! YOU WILL TAKE PEREGRINE GREAVES INTO THE CRUCIBLE AND YOU WILL MASSACRE PEOPLE! YOU WILL F*** THEM UP! YOU WILL KNEE BLADEDANCERS! DENIED! GET THAT BUTTERKNIFE THE F*** OUT OF HERE! YOU WILL KNEE RADIANT WARLOCKS AND CAUSE THEM TO WEEP RADIANT TEARS! YOU WILL KNEE GOLDEN GUNSLINGERS...CAREFULLY.... YOU WILL KNEE OTHER TITANS IN THEIR BUBBLES, DIVING INTO THEIR NEON DISCO DANCE PARTIES BLIND AS SHIT AND MURDERING THEM WITH YOUR ENERGY LEGS! IT IS YOUR BUBBLE NOW SO FU*** THAT GU---wait, shit...THE BUBBLE IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOU GODDAMMIT WHY THE F*** DID YOU DO THAT!? YOU WILL RUIN YOUR K/D LIKE I HAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE SWEET, SWEET SOUND OF INSTANT AIRBORNE DEATH! YOU WILL CATCH SO MANY SHOTGUN BLASTS TO THE FACE AND IT WILL BE WORTH IT WHEN YOU KNOCK A BLADEDANCER THE F*** OUT BEFORE HE CAN CHOP UP YOUR TEAM! EVERY PAINFUL DEATH WILL BE VALIDATED AS YOUR LEG COLLIDES WITH A FIERY WARLOCK'S FAGGY GOAT HAT SO HARD THAT HE'S RENDERED BRAIN-DAMAGED AND HIS FAMILY FIGHTS WITH THE STATE OF TEXAS TO TAKE HIM OFF OF LIFE-SUPPORT! HE WILL LIVE OFF OF TUBES! BECAUSE OF TEXAAAAAAS! PEREGRINE GREEAAAAAAAAAAVES

Will you help me with the black spindle raid? Lmao. Sorry but im playing the old kings fall raid. Ok well you know this raid is today only right?

Scrub "Bungies made it where I have no more weapon parts" Me "Just run strikes dude, you will get plenty" Scrub "I shouldn't have to farm an endless amount of bullshit to get what I want" Me "You do realize this is an FPS with MMORPG aspects right; you will be farming forever. That's part of it." Scrub "Well that is not why I play this game" Me "Well your clearly playing the wrong game lol, try call of duty or something simple like that" Scrub " Go -blam!- yourself" Me "Oh I will, I don't have a problem with a constant Grind"

Real life true story Noob:hey do you play Destiny Me: yeah I'm a vet on there what's up Noob:guess what Me: what Noob: I beated VOG and CE 500 times Me: so you won't mind at all doing CE and VOG hard mode heck lets do Skolas as well Noob:......... Me: but one question Noob: what Me: what is the air/speed velocity of a unladed swallow Noob: a what *booted*

I got one shot by hawk moon and immediately got a message saying I'm so sorry

A noob claims to have done the raid multiple times at level 26. I know he didn't so I tried to fool him. I was going around the forums and saw this guy, he was a level 26 and he was looking for some buddies to do the raid. I love doing raids with new players, show them around and helping them. But whenever they lie and won't admit it's there first time even though I know it's there first time, I will always fool them with this. *before everyone joins* Me: "alright. There are three bosses here, Templar, Atheon, and Xylar, -Templar is the easiest, looks like a crab thing that's standing up, you destroy the oracles and attack him when his shields are down. -Atheon, he looks kind of like a giant vex..three people are teleported to Mars or Venus, they destroy the oracles in there and then teleport back. Then you go into the center platform and attack him. -and last Xylar, he spawns right after atheon, after defeating atheon, you jump to the back of the room and wait for Xylar to spawn. He is a three headed dragon robot vex thing. Oracles will spawn like crazy, so you need to take those things out quickly. Then after that's done, three more people will teleport to Venus or Mars and destroy the oracles there. They'll be teleported back and you start shooting the center head. You do that until the center head blows up and repeat the same thing with the other two" Noob: "I know. There all really easy." Me:"yeah, I personally think Xylar is the hardest. Afterall he is the final boss" Noob:"he is kinda tough the first few times..but once you get use to fighting him it's pretty easy" ---*time pass*--- *beat atheon* Noob:" alright guys, the final boss is about to spawn! Get to the back of the map and get ready!!" Everyone: Dafuq.... Me:*starts crying of laughter* EDIT: I still can't believe this post is still alive!! EDIT 2: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/147510697/0/0 -a few people help made some internet lore for Xylar :) EDIT 3: we made it to 1k! :DD tank yu! EDIT 4: silly drawing of xylar I did on my free time: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/150547906/0/0

I asked a Titan if he liked hunters or warlocks more, this was his response... "Titan like both, Magic man friend because he bring himself back to life and help Titan. Knife man friend because he goes see thru, then come back and bring Titan back. Magic Man and Knife Man both squishy. Titan help squishy friends. Titan like helping. Magic Man and Knife Man are cool. Titan like them."

I think this takes the cake

"Warlocks take skill"

Doing Skolas with two randoms and one is 17 other is like 12 but hands down knew whatvhe was doing. My fiance mentions i'm a idiot..playfully...this kid says..."I'm only a kid and don't know anything about relations. But it sounds like you may have some problems" my fiance almost died laughing. Totally added him he is a beast at pvp.

"Hunter master race"

One of my friends was playing skolas with a few squeakers and they finally beat it. One of them said, "hurry kick him now," once they were at the treasure room. But instead of kicking the kid accidentally promoted my friend to leader. Then the kids almost started crying not to kick them but he kicked them anyway. Edit: Can we get 50??