I feel sorry for Cryptarch Rahool...
When I started as a wee guardian, I met him and he introduced himself, saying he decrypts engrams and I said, "so you are the lucky dip vendor". He was not amused at the remark but agreed to the observation.
After that I didn't visit him much, and he felt I was avoiding him. I waved to him, but he would mutter some ramblings under his breath. He was obviously very peeved at me, so I tried dancing but that didn't cheer him up.
When I was exchanging some house banners to him for some glim-glam, he asked me why I didn't buy nor bring him any engrams. I told him, "those greeny engrammies level with me, so I'm vaulting them until I start getting blues. Then I'll bring them to you. Oh, and I out grew whites a long time ago, so don't need to buy them. Sorry."
When I hit level 10ish and got my first blue, I took him all of my greens, and he had a party. He was so happy for the business he increased my rep and allowed me to purchase green engrams. After every decryption he was marveled at the treasures I earned, but too his immediate horror I dismantled most of the gear. He asked me, "What!? You destroyed that marvelous piece of history!" and I said "Well I kept the best, but the rest are pretty crappy so I'm salvaging the materials." He scowled. "Don't worry, I'll be back with some blues when my vault gets full again."
This relationship continued until I got to level 20. Then everything changed...
Rahool noticed that I would bring him blue armor engrams in bulk, but that I would constantly bring him weapon engrams. He asked why, and I said. "Well, in two parallel universes, I am a awoken hunter and a human titan, while in this one I'm a exo devil warlock, and that vault in front of you is actually a trans-universal bank, so me and my other me(s) have this pact where we vault all of our Armour engrams and then decide who gets to decrypt what (helmet, gauntlets, boots, and jumpsuit) so we get the best upgrades possible, and each of use gets good supply of salvage. With weapons, since all of use can use those things, we just take them directly to you, and if they are good we vault them, if not we dismantle for materials which we then vault. That way, all of my me(s), uh, we(s) you could say, use the same weapons, and can use the surplus parts to level them up." I could see this concept of parallel universes deeply disturbed Rahool and he would mumble to himself a lot after that.
After a time, he started to notice that soon I would dismantle ALL of my blue armor engrams in bulk. He asked why the sudden change. I said. "Well, I finally got access to the vanguard legendary Armour, so now all my many me(s) have come to the agreement that when ever the vault gets full the character that has the lowest class materials gets to decrypt the cache. Today it was my turn, so you crack 'em then I crack em'."
Then one day, I brought him a purple armor engram. He looked at me with awe, and decrypted it and it turned into ascendant energy. I brought him another one two weeks latter and it turned to a blue item. I asked "What's the problem man?" He said, "Well I observed that you dismantle your rewards so I thought I'd just cut out the middle man." I could see he was really upset, angry, and depressed. He was shortly admitted to therapy and given an anti-depressive patch. He is now more hopeful about purples engrams, but he is still depressed when I scrap most of the gear because it is inferior to the stuff the vendors offer for marks."
Two weeks latter I got a legendary WEAPON engram. My excitement was palpable, Rahool was in awe and he produced a Zombie apocalypse with good mods for once. He was so happy that he sent me two blue engrams in the mail, both of which he decrypted and I immediately salvaged and he became depressed again.
So we finally had a serious talk about his business practices. I asked "Why are you selling white and green engrams when no high level characters are buying them?" He put his hands in his palms and lamented, "I'm not a guardian! I can't find anything better than a white or green! I'm lucky that Xur thing finds those yellow engrams, but other than that they are all that I come across."
Additionally, I asked him, "So what do you do with all those curios that you buy?" He said he had a hoarding problem, and then everything made sense.
So I suggested to him that he explore options of obtaining blue and purple engrams for sale that he could offer high level guardians. To inspire him, I said the future is uncertain, and we are still unsure about our destinies, but if anyone knows the what the future holds you will know it first, since your a smart dude doing all of that decryption detail."
He seemed to relax by that comment, and said a wry thanks.
"Oh don't mention it", I said, before leaving. "Now to go have a talk to banshee, then Roni, then Eva, then..." (sound fades as I walk away)
Dear Deej,
I wrote to you but you're not bothering.
I left my name,
My gamer tag,
And my main e-mail at the bottom.
I sent two letter this past Autumn,
You must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem on the internet or something
Sometimes I misspell e-mails too,
Sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways...
-blam!- it, What been up? I like that the VoG is harder.
Just beat it, with my wife, my son and my daughter.
Aetheon didn't stand a chance, total slaughter.
Oh I got a dog too, guess what I'm gonna call her.
I named her Bungie.
I read about the bad reviews and I'm sorry
At least your not going under like, Atari
And I know you probably hear this everyday
But I'm your biggest fan
My room is a Bungie shrine man
I don't believe DLC is a scam
Anyways I hope you get this man
I love all your work
This is Erk!
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all.
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all.
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
Put your game on my facebook wall
It reminds, that the game's not so bad, it'snot so bad at all.
Dear Deej,
You still ain't responded or wrote,
I hope you have a chance,
I ain't mad,
I just think it's -blam!-ed up you don't answer fans
If you didn't want to talk to me outside the studio
You didn't have to.
But you could have signed cover art for Matthew
That's my little brother man
He's only 12 years old.
We waited in the blistering cold
For four hours and you just said no.
That's pretty shitty man
Bungie's like his -blam!-ing idol
He want to make game just like you
He loves you more then I do.
I ain't mad though,
I just don't like to being lied to.
I remember waiting in New York for Halo 2
You said I could game with you, you never did
I'm feeling blue
It's ok though, the games help me drift away
So when I have a shitty day
Pop in Destiny and press play
'Cause I really don't got shit else
So that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a Bungie tattoo across my chest
Sometimes you have to cut content, it doesn't make the squeeze
But this time it killed us, brought us to our knees
As my pocket bleeds, why don't you hear our pleads?
I'm begging you please, fix this -blam!-ing game,
Before you release the DLC's!!
So you have to respond back
Make some sort of contact
This whole situation is just whack
Hit me back, I know your at work Your biggest fan,
- Erk
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all.
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all.
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
Put your game on my facebook wall
It reminds, that the game's not so bad, it'snot so bad at all.
Dear Mister
I'm too good to address or write my fans
This'll be the last time I'll ever write your ass,
It's been six weeks and still no word?
I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters,
I wrote everything in it perfect.
This game was awesome
But all you've done is -blam!-ing nerf it.
Things still broke, oh wait,
Look a pumpkin head outfit.
How about you fix that monkey,
Aren't updates suppose to make the game less clunky?
Better yet how 'bout you contain that -blam!-ing zoo
Having second thoughts about getting Destiny 2
What am I'm suppose to do,
Put my trust back into you?
I don' think so, this isn't fair
You proved you no longer care,
I'm done forever, Can't wait for Advanced Warfare
Least while I'm there, I can hear what people have to share.
We'll talk about how Destiny became this shitty nightmare.
Well gotta go, not much time to spare,
I'm about to merk
Your ex biggest fan -Erk
My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all.
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all.
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
Put your game on my facebook wall
It reminds, that the game's not so bad, it'snot so bad at all.