Today, a bungie.net forum goer, Dante, expressed his disapproval of the Onion News. A panel of experts later examined the post, and the user, to better construct a profile of the event. One of the panel, Proffessor Yugot Stikinurass was quoted as saying: "At this stage we're still not exactly sure what the underlying issue here is, but we have narrowed it down to three of the more likely explanations. One is that Dante lacks the requisite imagination, elegance or wit to appreciate an Onion News article. Another is that his aesthetic taste has been, perhaps irrevocably, damaged by overexposure to crude and puerile internet memes and television youth culture, a conclusion which actually supports our first possible explanation. The third possibility is that Dante has become host to a parasitic alien intelligence that simply cannot comprehend human culture in general... of course to verify this we would need access to his brain, which we are currently applying for."
More on this story as it develops.
Dante himself has just released a statement to the effect that his dissatisfaction with the Onion News Network stems from it's lack of originality. The statement had a profound impact on organistions worldwide, both cultural and scientific, as they now are engaged in flurries of activity relating to the creating of something 'original'. Some scientist have postulated that we might build some kind of portal, through which we could 'reach' and bring back something original to our dimension. Prayer groups have been organised into round-the-clock prayer vigils, in order to beseech any divine creator that may be listening to bestow something original upon humanity. We here at the Onion News have changed our motto from 'News Without Mercy' to 'News Without Originality'.