Trust is a concept I’ve had a very tough time with over the years. Not that dumb office exercise where you’re blindfolded and have to fall over with the ‘trust’ that someone else will catch you; that kind of surface level trust is easy. I mean the kind of trust where you feel you can actually tell people what’s wrong instead of throwing up the “I’m fine” bubble shield for the fiftieth time that week. The kind of trust that allows you to really open up to people without the fear of undue judgment or criticism, or maybe the fear is there a bit but you do it anyway. Some people are receptive to that kind of talk and some people aren’t, and it can be difficult sometimes to tell who can and can’t be trusted with your delicate insides, and vice versa. Maybe they’ll think your problems are dumb, maybe they’ll make fun of you or spread your -blam!- all over the office… but maybe they’ll understand and provide a space for you to talk, and maybe they have their own stuff going on that they’ll then feel comfortable talking to you about. Maybe it’ll be nice having a mutual safe space to share that kind of thing. I’ve never really had people I can trust like that, but now I find myself with two. They’re amazing people, and we can talk about anything together. All the troubles we have with life and other people, all the dumb conclusions our brains end up at that make us feel like -blam!-, all the irrational and chronic thoughts that make up our collective mental ill-health. With plenty of banter in the mix obviously. They make me feel lucky, and they allow me to think that I can have that kind of relationship with others, which I never really thought before, so I am glad that they exist. In the back of my mind there’s always the toxicity of paranoia trying to ruin things; that they don’t really care or that they just hang around because they feel bad for me, or worse that I’m just being annoying and attention-seeking and I should just keep my mouth shut sometimes, but I’m trying my best to combat negative thoughts with what I actually experience, which is very different and easily proves a lot of my thoughts wrong.