Ah high school....I both hated it and loved it. My best moment was possibly in science class. M stomach was really upset and I couldn't use the restroom so if I was gonna sh#t my pants, might as well go down with the ship. I had asked the teacher if methane was a dangerous gas. The teacher responded with "it's a greenhouse gas. Why?" To answer her, I farted. And trust me, it sound like tires screeching. Spent the rest of the day in the nurses office XD

Got my dick sucked by my English teacher.

So when I was at the University of Iowa, several people, including myself, bought Nerf guns for impromptu battles in the hallways when we had free time. Mostly this was all good, clean fun, except for two of the guys down the hall, my roommate, and I. We all thought, rightfully so, that factory built Nerf guns are bullshit. They’re weak, darts are too -blam!-ing light, the barrels cause too much friction, which makes them inaccurate and slow, and you have to re-cock them after each shot. That’s some -blam!-ing bullshit right there. So we fixed it. We bought new, higher tensile springs. We bought PVC pipe and lubricant. We put BBs in the tips of our darts, and my roommate and even put in a second spring to automatically cock the gun,essentially turning them from bolt action pieces of shit into semi-automatic friendship-ruiners. So when I moved back to Chicago, and into the apartment, I obviously brought my Nerf guns (my roommate gave me his when we moved out), and I obviously attacked my roommates the first opportunity I had. OBVIOUSLY this led to everyone buying Nerf guns and modifying the shit out of them. However, some of us were terrible shots, so certain measures had to be taken to make it possible for them to keep up. Brad practiced in his room every day, Josh built an extended clip for his gun, and Kyle bought the -blam!-ing Vulcan and built a 600 dart belt for it because he decided aiming is for people who can’t fire 6 darts a second (he modded it for doubled firing speed using a small car battery and replaced mechanics). And then there was Paul. Paul was -blam!-ing terrible. Like almost so bad it couldn’t be for real. He once tried to ambush me coming around a corner from 2 feet away and missed by a good 6-7 inches. He literally could have slapped me and he missed. Whatever moving on. So Paul decides to solve his aim problems in the most Paul way possible: online shopping. He bought 500 foam pellets for a marshmallow gun, two dozen foam discs, and a mother-blam!-ing t-shirt cannon. You see, Paul, much like Kyle, decided aiming was for lames. So he would pour foam pellets into the cannon until it was half full, slip in a disc to keep them from falling out, then shotgun people in the face. I was his first victim and boy let me tell you that shit is terrifying. So Paul became the big dog in the house during Nerf battles, and the rest of us found ourselves unable to compete. So we all escalated in our own insane ways. Eric and I, the former champions, modified our guns to fire faster, Brad added an extended magazine to his gun, Kyle built a harness so that he could shoot his -blam!-ing stupid -blam!-ing bullet-storm piece of shit while moving. Josh booby-trapped various parts of our apartment. Suddenly, we were all better than Paul again, so he decided to step his game up. He started making paper cartridges that would explode open once fired. Suddenly, he could actually fire multiple times a minute, which meant once again, he was at the top. It didn’t help that our reluctance to shoot back out of fear of getting shot was allowing him to take his time, therefore drastically improving his aim. So we stepped up again. I smooth out the cocking mechanism on my guns, improving my firing speed even faster. Eric adds more weight to his darts, making them heavier and faster and much more painful. Kyle buys a bigger battery, newer parts, and he perfects his belts, which increases his firing speed to 12 darts a second. So Paul steps up to take advantage of his improved aim and buys something called a Pucker Chucker which basically is a t-shirt cannon except it shoots foam pucks. This means we can’t just shoot at him from the other side of the apartment anymore, so we all step up again. I modify the rail on top to make aiming easier, Eric modifies his grip to make it more comfortable, Kyle and Brad modify their barrels to make them more accurate, and Josh jumps on board the crazy train and builds a goddamn under barrel cherry bomb launcher. And this is where shit starts to spiral out of control. Brad starts making smoke grenades, Kyle solves his weakness against close quarters combat by using his battery to create a cattle prod to keep people back. Eric breaks the head off an old golf club to use the shaft as a weapon, I put pins in the tips of all of my darts, and Paul realizes that the Pucker Chucker can also shoot real hockey pucks after he steals my bucket of pucks from my room. So it escalated a couple more steps but I’m going to leave them partially out of a desire to keep moving forward and partially out of shameanywhoozle when we pull out our final contraptions and modifications that day we shifted from light-hearted fun that was a bit too far to literally combat. Josh had a sword. I don’t know where he got it from. That battle was terrifying. Our normal fights were like an hour, two hours tops, then we would clean up, get together in the living room with some beers, and laugh about what happened. Honestly we should have known this was going to happen because when we did this after our previous fight, the laughter was less “haha remember when I shot Josh in the butthole? Classic.” and more “haha remember when I missed your face with that puck? Next time I won’t miss.” So we somehow get into a battle again and this time things go south quickly which is bound to happen when you have a dude in a speedo swinging a sword around while rolling fireworks down the hall. It was literally chaos. There were fireworks and homemade smoke grenades and Kyle made the electrical current in his cattle prod too strong and it was too close to the muzzle of his Vulcan so every few seconds you would just see a flaming dart wiz past and I built a -blam!-ing flamethrower and I don’t know what the -blam!- is going on so I’m just firing it in the general direction of Josh to keep him the -blam!- away. At some point Brad barricades himself in his room, and so we all run back to our rooms and hide. We do this for three days. THREE DAYS. I missed classes. We all had junk food in our rooms, and private bathrooms, so that’s what we sustained ourselves on for three -blam!-ing days. I, however, try to eat healthy, so I ran out of food almost immediately. After not eating for a day and a half, with food literally less than 50 feet from where I was hiding, I decided that I was willing to risk a trip to the kitchen. So here’s something important about our apartment: I was the only one who knew how to cook. I had tried to teach the others, but all that had accomplished was several kitchen fires. This meant when Eric also ran out of food, he knew the only way to get a meal was to make peace with me. So he had snuck down the hall to my door, intent on asking me for help. I did not know he was there. So when I opened the door and saw a crouching figure in the shadows nearby, I assumed, I think justifiably, that it was the guy who had been swinging a sword at all of us the last time I saw him. So I pulled the trigger on my homemade flamethrower, only to see Eric’s horrified face illuminated by the flames for a split second before they hit his torso. Luckily, I was using a scavenged fuel source (computer screen cleaner), so the flames were weak, but still fire is fire and fire -blam!-ing hurts. So Eric is rolling on the floor with first degree burns on his stomach and chest, and I’m freaking out because Eric is my friend and I just set him on fire, so there is now a lot of screaming coming from the hall. Now, to lighten the mood slightly, here’s a personality test. You hear the sounds of fire, followed shortly by screaming coming from the hall outside your room. What do you do? Do you assume the crazy sword guy has finally snapped and is going to kill you all, so you climb out the window onto the fire escape?Congratulations, you’re Brad. Do you hear the cries of pain and grab a first aid kit before sprinting into the hall to help? Hey! You’re Kyle! Do you hear the flames so you sprint into the kitchen to grab the fire extinguisher? You are Paul. Do you come out into the hall to see what’s going on but also bring your sword just in case you have to stab someone? You are Josh and also mentally unstable please put your sword away. So Kyle comes out and he and I start administering first aid and luckily through a combination of the weakness of my fuel source, how quickly I stopped the flames, and the quickness of our treatments, Eric only gets some first degree burns on his torso. Paul puts out the last of the flames, Josh decides he doesn’t want to stab anyone today, and Brad decides that the lack of screaming is a good thing and he comes inside. I spend the next hour apologizing profusely while cooking everyone dinner, and we decide that hey we should probably have some rules for our Nerf fights to prevent this from ever happening again. So we all eat, we establish rules about modifications and ammunition, and at the end of it all, we grab some beers, head into the living room, and tell Josh he needs to get rid of the sword seriously dude where did you get that from? [spoiler]Not my story. This was posted on here months ago. I'm just reviving it.[/spoiler]

Alright, so I used to go to a private girl school, and if you know how us ladies are, we're freaking annoying. My classmates hated the Latin teacher, they despised him and made him suffer every second he was in that class room. So one day the "popular" girls convinced their friend to faint during Latin class. She agreed. The rest of us, as much as we hate the teacher, told her this was a crappy idea. But when you have the chance to impress the popular people, you're gonna freaking take it. So the teacher walks in, tells us to get our notebooks, and then halfway through the class, she falls out of her sleep. The girls who told her to do this stood up and started screaming; "I'm my gosh, Grace just fainted!" The teacher turns around, and he's horrified. He tells one of the girls to get a water bottle, and he kneels next to her and asks if she's okay. Some of the girls are trying not to laugh, some of them are not paying attention, I'm debating whether to tell him the truth. The teacher tells some girls to get her to the principal's office and call her parents. She got the rest of the day off. One of the girls ended up telling him what happened a few days later, she was suspended, he found her "friends" and they had to clean the bathrooms for a week. I've got tons more stories

Got a really big spider out of a really hot girls makeup bag with my hand and got nothing but a "thanks." [spoiler];~;[/spoiler]

We had a sub in AP US history. To take attendance, she had us pass around a piece of paper and write our names on it. She realized there were more names on the sheet than people in attendance. She even had the TA double check for her. So, to figure out who was falsely listed on that sheet and playing hookie, she read the names out loud and had us say "here" if it was our name. Finally she got to Pat. "Pat, where's Pat?" I was confused because there wasn't even a Pat in the class. "Pat who" asked one of my classmates. She looked back down at the sheet. "PAT LA'CROTCH" she said. So inevitably the entire class was laughing uncontrollably. Unfortunately the lady took it personally and cried and gave us a big lecture at the end of class. The next day our real teacher returned and asked why he received such a horrible review of our class. We told him and he just laughed it off.

There was this one kid in my elementary school who was known to keep people from going into the restroom unless they paid him. One day, I was walking down the hall from the office, and I see the guy not letting some kid go. And this kid, I must say, had to go. BAD. He was sweating, cupping his groin, and whimpering. Then, it shocked me, he pissed on the guy blocking the entrance. Funny. [spoiler]Also, I accidentally dyed an equipment set blue during my science class.[/spoiler]

This one time when i was in middle school, some girl threw a rolling chair off a bridge, that connected one building to another, and it ended up cracking some girl's skull open

There was a really bitchy girl in our class that always gave our teacher a ton of back chat. One day the teacher snapped and she grabbed the girl and put her head through a glass door.

AP Chem teacher called a kid a pussy for not wanting to mix the chemicals. Same teacher, one time asked the class what they wanted to do in the free time but no answer was suitable for her, so she made us all get up and take the vegetables that the Environmental Science classes were growing. Those kids were surprised the next day when all their carrots were gone. Finally same teacher (I fúcking love you Dr J) caught a kid cheating on a test so she ripped it up and put in with different flammable substances and set it ablaze with fires of green and pink and blue.

Inb4 sandyhooks

We had a substitute teacher in AP US History. To take attendance, she had us all write our names down on a piece of paper. She counted up the names and realized someone must have been playing hookie as there were more names than students. To figure out who this was, she read the names out loud one by one to check who was in attendance. Then she got to Pat, and no one answered. At this point I and most of the class are confused, because there is no Pat in our class. "Pat who?" one kid asked. She looked back down at the paper. "PAT LA'CROTCH" she said, causing an uproar of laughter from everyone. Some genius must have written that name down with the hope that this would happen. Unfortunately she took our laughter personally, cried and gave us a big lecture. When our real teacher returned the next day, he asked why our class received such a horrible review from her. He just laughed it off when we told him the story.

Me and my friends put a popcorn bag on the banister above the stairs in my school and waited and watched to see what would happen. Several kids passed it one kid looked at it then walked away. Then his weird kid grabbed it and took off. I ran after it because, it was my popcorn!! He saw me and sprained faster, was looking back and slammed into the principle and made him fall. He got suspended [spoiler] I laughed so hard [/spoiler]

My high school had a black market, and many stories come from there. But this is one of my favorite ones. So one of the things that was sold were condoms. One day, me and some friends were all arriving at school and hanging out at the commons, when suddenly someone dumps a backpack filled with condoms on the unsuspecting masses. The package had a note on it that said "GET HIGH QUALITY CONDOMS! CALL..." So basically someone advertised their store by dumping merchandise on people. It was hilarious. Oh, the wrappers empty, so no one got a free condom that day.

There was this girl in my biology class eating a salad. The rules are you're not allowed to have food in the lab room. The teacher sees her eating and tells her to throw it out or leave class. The girl starts arguing with him about how it's not fair. Then he leaves classroom, and returns a few moments later with security . The girl starts crying and freaking out even more while refusing to leave the lab room. The teacher, who kind of sounds like Ben Stein, monotonously yells to security," Help, I'm afraid for my life.' Then they escorted the girl out, and she never returned to class.