*Picks up phone*
You have three hours to give us the money, or your girlfriend bites the dust.
*Hangs up phone and points a gun at a traffic cone wearing a wig*
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career of guiding traffic. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my girlfriend go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.