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작성자: Skelos Badlands
9/11/2015 10:30:35 PM
56
I NEED HELP WITH A GRILL(REVISED)
I know I don't personally know you and I'm not really your peer. I'm the guy with glasses who kept looking at you at lunch last year (Creepy I get it). The truth is that I got trust problem. Other people I see makes my anger blossom. It feels like talking to another person isn't a valid option, but seeing your face gave me the ability to keep my anger on permanent suspension. I keep thinking of you as absolute perfection. In the way you acted and you looked you could never be outdone. You're a good intention heart infection. You took my heart and ran it straight into the planet, I can no longer stand it. Everytime I see you I get increasingly unintentionally happy. I just wanna say thank you Amanda for the things that you don't even know you did for me.
English
#Offtopic
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4 답변작성자: TaticoolBadger 9/11/2015 7:23:31 PMRule number one of dating:never revile your problems Rule number two of dating never revile your true feelings for her.
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1 답변You need syncopation man you need those syllables to sound nice, it's not just about the rhymes.
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3 답변작성자: Zanhattan 9/11/2015 7:15:17 PMYour rhymes are on point, but your use of 'Literally' and that Destiny nod makes it pretty cringey. Also, that 'conversing with humans' line lol... It's not bad. It's cringey, but I think she'll appreciate the effort, 'cause there's a lot of it here.
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2 답변see now why the actual -blam!- would you ask #OffTopic? you aint gonna get a straight answer
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1 답변That is perfection. I almost wept inside. No girl would ever turn that down. Go get her, Tiger.
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5 답변작성자: Ling Lings Head 9/11/2015 8:33:10 AMok, stop. You can't start a love letter, or whatever this is, by saying I love you. It puts her directly in an uncomfortable situation. That shit should come at the end of a poem. And you are sort of coming off as a stalker. A rabid martian? That would make anyone loose interest. You don't deserve someone so perfect? Grills like guys with high self esteem. "You were a good intention heart infection" this is the only part I like. It's profound and catchy. 3/10 for trying. [spoiler]Every writer is writing for him/her self. Thank you for sharing this with us but know that the person who benefits the most from your words is yourself. [/spoiler]
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2 답변작성자: Ginger 9/11/2015 5:46:46 PM37% F 1. First sentence has conflicting verb tense 2. Punctuation 3. You followed her in the halls that sounds stalker-ish and I'm calling the cops.
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