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#Gaming

7/15/2014 5:26:37 AM
39

Let me summarize Halo 3's story.

Honestly Halo 3's story could be summarized in 3 words(maybe that's why they call it Halo 3) "Chief fight good" but I owe it and Bungie more than that, so that being said let's finish this fight. Right out of the starting gate we are greeted with a cutscene of Cortana explaining Master Chief having the luck of the Irish I'm just guessing because I'm 99% sure no one actually payed any attention to this. Next we see Chief falling from the sky/space even though he was in a spaceship the last time we saw him(which maybe was trying to tell us he's too good for spaceships, what an asshole)He lands in the jungles of Africa and is greeted by one of the simple minded indigenous tribesman, Sergeant Johnson. After waking up from his space nap no one bothers to inform him that they're friends with the aliens now(which pisses Chief off so much he threatens to kill one right then and there) I honestly don't know what else happens because the story at this part was too complex for me, but Sgt. Black Stereotype gets kidnapped by some space apes. Master Chief saves the day and heads back to the UNSC base. Meanwhile at the Bat cave Master Chief comes home to show some injured marines what a bunch of -blam!-ing casuals they are. The marines bask in the glory of the MLG pro before them. He meets up again with Captain Keys, or her maiden name Mrs Cameltoe. She explains to the Chief that humanity has really been sucking lately and is rudely interrupted by some more aliens. For the rest of the level you shoot things that's pretty much it. Then the next few missions you blow stuff up like some AA guns and like a Scarab or something who honestly remembers. Then right before Chief stops the covenant from opening up the stargate or portal or something forerunner-y. The Flood makes a surprise appearance. The Master Chief Spartan Wun Wun Steven must fight through some clickers from the Last of Us, at the end of the level he gets a message from his life partner, sexy woman sci fi stereotype. This entices Master Chief to go stop the Flood and Covenant(because he wouldn't have done that anyway apparently..dick) Master Chief goes through the blue portal and comes out of the orange one on the planet Tatooine, after slaughtering many sand people he travels to the more green part of the planet and still literally all that happening in the story at this point is Master Chief just reducing entire populations of aliens. Then after going through the snow part of the Ark he is on(this game has everything) he finds the prophet activating the big halo rings that kill stuff and yeah, anyway not wanting to die the Flood join up with Master Chief for a total of 30 seconds after Sgt Black Tropes gets captured again(what the -blam!- man you're really bringing the team down) he is forced to light the birthday cake because only humans can(Forerunners are some racist -blam!-s). After Captain Cameltoe throws her life away for no reason Master Chief saves the day and the cool space alien dude impales the prophet on his hard light sword(phrasing). Immediately after that the Flood and Master Chief go back to being enemies and after watching enough hentai, he sees the tentacles coming at him, and nopes the -blam!- out of there. 343 Floating Orb of Exposition appears and tells Master Chief there's a way to kill the flood with a Halo(wait a second) Master Chief travels to High Charity to rescue his friend who has the index to launch the Halo(the real reason is because he is whipped and can't go on without her). This level is known as one of the best in the franchises history because of the great back tracking you do. Now the Finale, Master Chief ends up on Hoth and starts doing his usual thing of murdering everything in his sight. He eventually makes it up into the Death Star control room but SURPRISE the guy who betrays you in the first game betrays you yet again(Pulitzer Prize winning story telling) Master Chief lasers the -blam!- out of him, but alas poor Yorik, the black space man from the Aliens movie got the -blam!- lasered out of him too, Master Chief celebrates his death by sending him out by banging him(or something) Master Chief lights the super weapon thing and books it outta their cause he in trouble now. After driving a vehicle and jumping it into a space ship(now who's too cool for them asshole) they fly off into space and the day is saved. Master Chief doesn't get saved though lol the ship gets cut in half and he decides he deserves a nap after all of his hard work. This thread, much like many sequels is much worse than the original and is a prime example of trying too hard. I hope you enjoy it still though subscribe, rate and leave a comment to see my let's plays of sticking my thumb up many animal butts!

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