Hey guys. I know that many users in this place are single and have been for the duration of their lives. My girl and I are nearing nine months together and I have been reflecting on this time together, trying to glean lessons from these months that I would have liked to know before I started. Now I know in the grand scheme of things nine months isn't a long time and there are people here who have been in a relationship longer than I have been alive, but I do have rather fresh memories of what it was like to never have had been in a relationship. So here you go, a few tips from me to you. you've likely read these before in other places. Tip #1. Relationship=work. Now there are plenty of great things about being in a relationship, one being steady companionship and a level of intimacy that goes beyond the average friendship. With that comes the responsibilities of that partnership. A lot of the 'busy work' for lack of a better term is what dooms relationships in the first few months. The maintenance required for a serious relationship is rather simple most of the time: - routine check-ins, be it texts, phone calls, or notes. - spending real time together, such as dates, going over to their house/vice versa. - Tending to their emotional needs, listening to them, giving good advice, demonstrating that you care - carving out appropriate time and space for growth together and apart. - communicating clearly expectations and personal boundaries. - Respecting those personal boundaries. These are fairly simple ideas and there are no clear cut rules for every relationship and frankly, we have not been the best at creating and respecting boundaries. There are certain places we will not go, but we have difficulty avoiding activities that don't place us right up against those lines. The hard part is that you don't always want to check off that list. This may come as a surprise to you [b]There have been plenty of times where I didn't want to do anything but sit down and play videogames/sleep but I knew I needed to go spend time with my girl.[/b] Yourself is constantly the worst enemy to healthy relationship dynamics and I've learned that one the hard way. Many days there will be a battle tantamount to the storming of Mordor just to do the simplest thing on that list. It doesn't mean y'all need to break up because you don't want to go over to their place, it just means you are being lazy. fight that. Tip #2. T[u]his is for the guys. Before y'all dated, she knew exactly where she wanted to eat 100% of the time. After you started dating, she has no clue, ever.[/u] One of the most constant points of frustration on my part. I shall illustrate with a story. > HoTh: hey girl, where do you want to eat > Girl: Where ever you want to. > HoTh: i decided last (read all of the) time > HoTh: come on, its not that hard. > Girl: its impossible!!! [i]an hour and a half later[/i] > HoTh: have you decided yet? > Girl: you pick. teenage girls (the majority of the readers of this are likely teenage/early twenties) are notoriously indecisive. it's going to be annoying. Tip #3 Build a good relationship with their family. Ok, ok, I knew this one from the get-go, only because I had older siblings who did and did not do this. It's important. getting to know your partner's family will give you so much information into who that person really is. It also makes visits to their house less awkward. Believe it or not, I've enjoyed the friendships I've started with my girl's sisters. Thanks for reading guys, this post is really incomplete. it's more a snapshot of what's been on my mind. if you have any questions I will be glad to try to answer them