[i]For those just tuning in the link to pt.1 is above. Shoutout to AltroGamingBros and Venom Sprinter for working with me to make a miniverse. Also big thanks to Oddish for letting me take a spin with his kinderguardians. Hope I do them justice. Disclaimer I don't own any Bungie stuff. Now let's begin![/i]
Malex landed in the EDZ. Zavala needed a guardian to go out on patrol and Malex needed to get out of the Tower. Rika wanted to come but Ikora needed her for something. Just as well, Malex loved Rika but he was a Gunslinger. He still worked best alone. This was going to be fun.
[i]A few miles away[/i]
Oddish brought the [i]Blue Bird 2[/i] down for a landing.
Oddish: Alright guys, today we're going to learn more about the fundamentals of each of your sub-classes.
Lillie: Um, Mr. Oddish? What does that mean?
Oddish: Well, there's the textbook way to do things, and the ACTUAL way to do things.
Ricardo, a VERY rookie Gunslinger looked over his scout rifle.
Ricardo: Mr. Oddish, are you sure gunslingers use these as primary?
Oddish: Oh of course they do. These gunslingers say they hand-cannon all the way but in reality they really only carry them for show. Now let's go everyone.
As the class left the ship, Oddish's daughter Petra and her mother Paula approached him.
Paula: Are you sure this is a good idea Oddish? The EDZ isn't exactly safe right now.
Oddish: Oh don't worry, Zavala assured me it's all clear. It will be the perfect place for the kinders to practice.
Paula: And you trust him?
Oddish: Not at all. But I'm here so we should be fine.
Petra: Daddy can we go now?
Oddish: Of course sweetie. Alright class let's get moving!
The class moved inside of an old fallen cave. It was dark and creepy. Perfect for Fallen hunting.
Oddish: Okay guys, stay with me. We don't want any surprises while we're down here.
Malex crashed through the wall, followed by three Fallen captains and six dregs.
Oddish: What the!?
Malex jumped up and knifed one of the dregs. He used it as a shield to deflect the fallen fire. He shoved the dreg into the crowd and drew The Last Word and fanned off five shots, killing the last dregs. Malex jumped onto the back of one of the captains and put a round in it's neck. He back-flipped off as it fell, and killed the other captains before they hit the ground. He reloaded and brought out his ghost.
Malex: What's the kill count buddy?
Peacemaker: That makes 50 in the last six minutes
Malex: Man I'm awesome! (turns around to see kinderguardian class) Oh, hi guys.
Lille: Mr. Malex! (runs and jumps into his arms)
Malex: Lillie!? It's good to see ya! How are you?
Lillie: I'm fine (turns to Oddish) Mr. Oddish was just going to teach us how guardians really do things.
Malex: Oddish? The kinderguardian teacher? (Puts Lillie down and puts his hand out) Good to meet you, word is you have quite the reputation.
Oddish: (Shakes his hand) Likewise.
Ricardo looks up in awe at Malex
Ricardo: Wait. Malex? THE Malex!? He's one of the greatest Gunslingers of all time! I can't believe he's standing right here!
Malex: Looks like I have a fan. What's your name kid?
Ricardo: I'm Ricardo. Hey guess what!? I'm a Gunslinger too!
Malex: (blinked a few times) Wait, you're being taught how to gunsling, by a TITAN!?
Ricardo nodded.
Malex: Oh no. No no no no no. We can't have that. (turns to Oddish) Yeah, I'm taking the kid for a while.
Oddish: What? No, you're not. Why would you even ask that?
Malex: You know you're right. (Shoots ceiling causing the cave to collapse, making a wall between them and Oddish.) Why would I ask?
Ricardo: But, now we're alone.
Malex: Yeah, that's the point kid. Follow me, I'll show you the ropes.
[i]On the other side of the wall[/i]
Oddish: I hate Gunslingers.
Paula: What are we going to do? We can't just, let Ricardo go.
Oddish: I know. Alright everyone, supers up! We have to break through this wall!
[i]Back in the Caves[/i]
The two Gunslingers exit the caves. Malex places a tripmine at the entrance.
Ricardo: Why did you do that?
Malex: You'll see. Now as for that scout rifle (dismantles it and throws it away) Piece of crap.
Ricardo: But, Mr. Oddish said...
Malex: Oh screw what he said. Titans don't know jack about gunslingin. That hand-cannon you got. That's your best friend. Now, let's see your draw speed.
Ricardo went to draw, but his gun got stuck in his holster. Malex facepalmed.
Malex: Okay, we have some work to do. Now let's try...actually hold that thought.
Oddish came charging out of the caves. He was pissed.
Oddish: MALEX!!! GET OVER... (tripmine explodes)
Ricardo: Oh, that's why you put that there.
Malex: Yep. Gunslinger 101, always piss off Titans.
Ricardo: Noted.
Paula came out of the caves next.
Paula: YOU BLEW UP ODDI... (Malex shot her in the head)
Malex: This is fun
Ricardo: Can I try?
Malex: (notices the other kinderguardians coming out of the caves) Nah, we'd better stop now. Gunslingers don't shoot kids.
Oddish's ghost revived him, laughing while he did
Oddish: Shut up
Sigmund: I'm sorry, that was just too perfect.
Oddish: I hate Gunslingers
Paula's ghost revived her, she was pissed.
The two titans stormed up to Malex.
Oddish: What's your problem!?
Malex: My, whatever do you mean?
Paula: Don't give me that, what's wrong with you?
Malex: (looks at the two of them) Are you two dating?
Oddish and Paula: (embarrassed) What!?
Malex: (nudges Ricardo) Five glimmer says they are
Oddish: Shut. Up.
Sigmund: They aren't, but they should be.
Oddish: SIGMUND!!!
Sigmund: Just sayin'
Oddish: That's not the point. The point is Malex pretty much kidnapped Ricardo, and we need to have a talk! (cracks knuckles)
Malex: Hey buddy, whats the definition of kidnapped? (Malex's ghost appeared)
Peacemaker: Uh, to take somebody against their will?
Malex: Hey Ricardo, did I take you against your will?
Ricardo: No, I wanted to learn from the best.
Sigmund: He's got you there Oddish
Oddish: (balls hand into a fist) I swear, if you...
Petra: Um, daddy?
Oddish: What is it Petra?
She points up at the sky. A fallen ketch loomed over them.
Malex: Well crap. That wasn't there a second ago.
What seemed like a whole battalion of fallen transmated around the class. Malex and Oddish stood back-to-back. Malex drew The Last Word and Oddish drew his Sweet Business.
Oddish: We'll finish this later.
Malex: Agreed...
[i]To Be continued[/i]
Part 18: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/251580248
1. Very funny. Slapstick comedy similar in nature to the best kinderguardians stories. Especially nice job with Sigmund; that's exactly how I envision him reacting.
2. If you'd asked, I might have said yes. Just sayin'.
3. Just a comment: since Ricardo was decorated by Zavala himself for his efforts in leading lightless Guardians to various shards during the Red War, Malex would probably have at least heard of him.