Weekly Fluffdate Translation by Dom: "We're back after a long break. We know you guys already know this, and that we're coming off incredibly smug and condescending, but it's cool, right?" "Something something spend silver and grind out another pointless event for a CHANCE at sweet loot." "Here's the part where we take up a quarter of the update to tell you Iron Banner is coming back. We know we could say it in one sentence, but we like to use paragraphs to make it look like we give a shit. Oh and we even have pictures! And, as an extra special treat, it's Rift this time! So now, the scrubs on your team who camped in the back of the map and never captured zones can screw you over AGAIN by not going for the spark or protecting the runner. Great news, right?" "Now, for the good part. The upcoming changes!" ================================== "Along with the other improvements and fixes you’ll receive [b]in the upcoming February Update..."[/b] "To give you and yours a fighting chance, we’ll team up [b]in the next Weekly Update[/b] to share the details about the new game type, along with some pro-tips you can share with your own teammates." "We’re always going to be doing things to make the [b]Crucible[/b] a better place for players." [i]Yes, because f-ck PvE, right?[/i] "We promise. In fact, there are some new changes coming [b]in the near future."[/b] "We’re looking through all the new data now, and [b]we’ll be taking measures[/b] to improve the experience." [i]We'll keep silently listening and adding super secret updates that NOBODY asked for that royally f-ck up the game even more. We know there are tons of things you DO ask for, but just keep throwing money at the screen and be patient. Remember, when in doubt, WALLETS OUT.[/i] "There you have it, friends. [b]Watch this space for new details[/b] on how Matchmaking – along with the overall state of play – will continue to evolve [b]in the Crucible.[/b] [i]Yes, because Matchmaking couldn't possibly help you guys out in PvE, right? Of course not![/i] "We know that many of you wanted more news beyond our February event." [i]But we don't give a shit.[/i] "[b]Very soon, we’ll have more to share[/b] about a second, larger game update [b]that will arrive[/b] sometime after February. "There are more lies--I mean--stories about 2016 that remain to be told, and [b]you’ll learn more[/b] as soon as I get my own anxious hands on the full and final details. Same goes for the rest of the February update. [b]Until it’s ready[/b] to be scrutinized under the spotlight, [b]it’s all a work in progress."[/b] [i]We're basically making this shit up as we go along, so cut us some slack okay?[/i] "I’m eager to show you what the team is working on. They’re eager to do that as well. As soon as we get the greenlight, we’ll roll it out. In the meantime, Crimson Days is fast approaching." [i]I'm not telling you shit. Buy more silver![/i] ================================== And there you have it folks. That's right. Let it sink in. You waited a month for THAT bullshit. Yep. That's what the pros call a slam dunk isn't it? Or is it a grand slam? Ah whatever, you get the point. Way to go Bungie. Starting 2016 off with a bang by shitting on your customers in a way that's just condescending enough to fly right over the fanboys' heads. I like it! Keep up the good work! Sincerely, Dom P.S. [spoiler]Choke my Wolfpack rounds bitches.[/spoiler] Edit: Things we'll discuss in the update after the update after next: Our plans to "fix" fusion rifles (20% range nerf, -40 stability across the board.) Optional Matchmaking for all activities (10,000 silver) [spoiler]per game mode[/spoiler] Sunbreakers armor will be reduced by 100%, and hammers will be replaced with tennis balls dealing 1 damage each. Shotgun impact and range reduced by 100% for all shotguns. Sniper aim assist increased by 50 for all snipers. All snipers now come with hidden hand and third eye as an additional perk. Stormtrance duration increased by 30 seconds. Adding light to ships, sparrows, sparrow horns, emotes, and emblems. Increase 3 of coins price to 20 strange coins. Added emblems with us counting your money to the Nightfall and Raid loot tables.