I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep ;( Bungie plz donate me 10 ghjallarhorns.
I am so addicted to Destiny that I cannot hold a job or relationship. I live off of cold PopTarts and the biggest bottles of the hardest liquor I can bribe a passing child to steal from my local store. I am now closing in on 850 lbs. Surely things can't get much worse. I wake up at 9:00 am and log in to my hunter. We take a magical trip to the tower where I load up on all of my non exotic crap weapons and Armour because although I pray to RNGesus several times per day I have been ignored. Then I venture into the crucible where I am repeatedly sexually assaulted by 10 year old kids that have all f**ked my mother. I get shotgunned into oblivion time and time again and no matter how much range I put on my felwinters sniper I just can't seem to get a kill. So after struggling with getting poisoned by thorn 400 or 500 times I take my trusty felwinters into the prison of elders. However I rarely make it past about the first 30 seconds because I don't have any friends and I just can't seem to find the matchmaking option...... I then begin to drink and eat my first box of PopTarts due to the depression beginning to set in. After a quick lunch break I get right back into it! Getting destroyed by Minotaurs, Centurions, Knights, and Captains over and over as I attempt to play the base level strikes to no avail... After a few hours of wasting heavy ammo synths that I paid an asinine price for from my buddy the gunsmith and not being able to get a single kill I head into the Vault of Glass... Or at least the outside of it. The Praetorean just refuses to let me inside. I try this for hours every single day with absolutely no success and as I said before I have no friends to help me and I still can't find the friggin matchmaking... I just don't understand. By this time things are getting blurry as I close off another bottle of liquor and a box of s'mores PopTarts. As a danger to guardians around me I then attempt to do some patrol missions on the cosmodrome. Still here, I fail. Possibly because of my out of control depression or maybe the fact that I am about 17 times the legal limit at this point. I am not sure which to blame. I then spend the next several hours attempting the journey into the nightfall... Alone... Because I can't find the matchmaking option here either. Now that I am sick of PvE I attempt the trials. Where again I am reminded of my inferiority and that my mother is apparently quite the wh0*e. After a couple rounds of getting sexually assaulted time and time again and another bottle and some more PopTarts the teammates that I begged to join me for Destiny tracker yell loudly about sucking d**ks then, like everyone else, abandon me. Now after all of this we near 5:00 am. I set my alarm for 9:00 because I can't bear not to play Destiny for more than 4 hours. Luckily I don't have far to go to get to my bed as I never left it and I pass out. I have played Destiny 20 hours per day since launch and what do I have to show for it???? No Gally, Thorn, Vex, Nothing. I can't even afford to buy anything from this creepy guy that comes every Friday morning. I am nearing my final days Bungie. Surely living like this I won't last much longer. Please send guns... And friends... And can anyone please tell me how to matchmake... So I can enjoy my last few experiences on this planet...
Poor poor Xûr... Why do people yell at you for giving them [u]exotic[/u] armour/weapons? They [i]are[/i] exotic.