Hogwarts is for casuls. Real wizards learn from Gandalf.

I dunno what defines each of them.

No one likes hufflepuff

If I really was in hogwarts, I would complete my five years and then take my magic in the muggle world and create a wizard world order.

J.K. Rowling on the Houses at the start of Battle of Hogwarts. [spoiler]On Harry Potter: Beyond the Page, J.K. Rowling had this to say about Hufflepuff House..."This may surprise people, but it is the truth...In many, many ways, Hufflepuff is my favourite House. Here's my reasoning, bear with me. (Again, I don't want to spoil things too much for people who haven't read the whole series, so I'm going to say what I'm about to say quite carefully). There comes a point in the final book where each House has the choice whether or not to rise to a certain challenge, and that's everyone in the House. The Slytherins, for reasons that are understandable, decide they'd rather not play. The Ravenclaws, some decide they will, some decide they won't. The Hufflepuffs, virtually to a person, stay, as do the Gryffindors. Now, the Gryffindors comprise a lot of foolhardy and show-offy people, that's just the way it is, I'm a Gryffindor, I'm allowed to say it. You know, there's bravery, and there's also showboating, and sometimes the two go together. The Hufflepuffs stayed for a different reason; they weren't trying to show off, they weren't being reckless, that's the essence of Hufflepuff House. Now my oldest child (my daughter, Jessica) said something very profound to me, not very many days ago, actually, she said to me --and she, by the way, was not sorted into Hufflepuff House-- but, she said to me, 'I think we should all want to be Hufflepuffs.' I can only say to you, that I would not be at all disappointed to be sorted into Hufflepuff House."[/spoiler]

I'll help Hagrid with the animals, particularly any unicorns in the Forbidden Forest.

slytherin cause I slither in op's mom all the time

Win gardia leviosa

Hufflepuff, because it sounds like a breakfast cereal.

IM NOT A FÜCKING WIZARD YOU BASKET CASE! STICK IT UP YOUR FÜCKING DICK HOLE.