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1/13/2025 6:44:22 PM
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Despite the good intentions, I'm willing to bet these threads cause more harm to people than good.
See, the thing is, if someone feels loved and appreciated in their life, then they don't need a reminder. They feel loved and appreciated, and that's reminder enough.
But okay, I hear you say, that's not the people this thread is targeting. It's targeting the people who [i]don't[/i] feel that. But here's the thing, if someone doesn't feel loved and appreciated in their life, some stranger on the internet who doesn't know anything about them telling them that they are isn't going to do a thing. If anything, it's going to remind them that they're [i]not[/i] loved and appreciated, and ruin their day, which was already probably feeling pretty glum given the fact that they're not feeling that love & appreciation in the first place.
And, this is only heightened by the fact that ultimately your thread is a hollow sentiment. While I'm sure you mean well, the simple truth is you don't know most of the people here, if anyone. It's an easy thing to think "Oh, everyone has someone who loves and appreciates them in their life", but the reality is not everyone does. And, furthermore, even if that person does actually have people who love and appreciate them, if they need a reminder in the first place, then pointing that out isn't going to change anything, because the root of the problem is the people who do love them aren't showing it well enough for it to have a positive impact on that person's life.
Or in other words, this thread is nothing but a hollow sentiment making assumptions about people's lives that may or may not be true, and the people who need the message most are the ones who it's most likely not true for, only serving as a reminder to ruin their day.
English
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When people are “going through it” oftentimes the best thing is to reaffirm how poopy their experience is. Telling them that it’s OK and sunshine pumping often makes them feel worse, even if well intended.
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Indeed. Acknowledging how sucky things are makes it feel like they’re actually trying to understand you and your situation. And, it reinforces the idea that they’re there for you, even when it’s hard. Trying to act like everything’s sunshine and rainbows makes it seem like they either don’t understand at best, or are trying to run away from the reality of the situation at worst.
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I dunno, I see it as just encouraging words meant to be encouraging. There are definitely people that can be grateful to be reminded about those who love them, even if they're feeling down for other reasons. I think you've created a false dichotomy here. I also in no way aim to be rude, pry, or offend, but this comment does come off like projecting a little bit (though based on how I know you I'm assuming it's not quite).
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Emphasis on the word "meant". I've seen tons of people who struggle with depression, and nine times out of ten I find the last thing they want to hear when they're feeling down is "people love you", or "things are going to work out", or anything along those lines. In the best case scenario it just makes them angry, in the worst case scenario it makes their depression worsen. And, speaking personally, I can't think of any time in my life where I've been depressed and someone telling me "people love you" would've helped in any way, shape, or form. Either I already know that, and it has nothing to do with the thing that's making me feel bad in the first place, or the problem is that I don't believe that's true, and in that case see the original comment. Like, thanks for telling me I'm loved bro, but that doesn't change the fact that I just lost my house, or my sister died, or I just broke my spine and will never be able to walk again. I've just kind of grown to hate these dumb surface-level sentiments. People who actually put in the time and effort to really help people in need, awesome, they're great. People who just spout these generic positive messages? Ugh. A lot of the time, it's just a way for someone to feel good about themselves, but they'll bail the second helping someone actually takes any work. In Dave's defense, he made a different thread that was much better, explicitly stating he was there to talk with anyone feeling lonely, which is great, so he's probably not one of those people. This copy/pasted nonsense, though? Blech.
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I understand how you feel but I don't necessarily know that the target audience of this post was people with depression. As someone who has never truly been depressed, but has been in depressive states a few times, I would agree that the sentiment isn't very helpful.
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But I still understand what you are saying
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If someone doesn’t feel loved and they need someone, I’ll be there.
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If you end up actually standing by that, props to you. From my experience, lots of folk will say that, but will only stick to it as long as it’s easy. As soon as it ceases to be convenient, most folk I find are pretty quick to drop that attitude. Either way, though, this particular thread isn’t working towards that goal is all I’m saying.
