[b]Good evening, I'm Dropship dude. Our top story tonight: Following a widespread and sudden influx of Guardians wielding the all-powerful and heavily sought-after 'Gjallarhorn', the Vanguard have reported enemy forces retreating on a global and extra-terrestrial scale. The influx comes shortly after Xur, a mysterious agent of the Nine, started trading the fabled weapon for strange coins early this morning. Cayde-6 has more.[/b] "Until recently, numerous alien bosses had dotted the solar system, spreading the darkness around them as their armies grew. Guardians have always been able to keep the armies from reaching critical levels, but these bosses have been quick and efficient at replenishing their armadas. Usually known to fear no-one, bosses like Taniks the Scarred, and Sepiks Prime appear to have high-tailed it, and run off back to their mommas. We managed to speak to Valus Ta'aurc as he was sighted refuelling his War Machine for a rapid escape." Cayde: [i]"Valus, a moment if you can. What is it that's causing you, among other bosses, to decide to leave the planets you are occupying?" Valus: [Translated from Cabalese] "Well Cayde, I can assure you that it has nothing at all to do with the millions of Gjallarhorns which have appeared to enter the weapons economy. As warlords, we carefully monitor the comings and goings of Guardian weaponry, and adjust our armies accordingly. The vast increase in the number of Gjallarhorns does not concern us at all, but we have also conveniently decided that we're bored with Mars, and this solar system. Now, if you'll excuse me..." Cayde: "Sadly, Valus was not willing to provide us with extra words. Nor was he able to, actually, as he ran screaming into his War Machine as soon as a small fireteam of Guardians rocked up. Could this be the end of the Darkness? Time will tell. Back to the studio."[/i] [b]Cayde-6 joins me now live from the Hellmouth, where Guardians are swarming in their thousands to the opening of the abyss. Cayde, what's going on down there?[/b] Cayde: "Well Dropship, these Guardians have all recently obtained the Gjallarhorn, and having unlocked the Wolfpack rounds ability, many are now ready to face Crota and his army for the first time. Even so, seasoned veterans have been entering the Hellmouth, and can often be heard yelling "I'mma get my -blam!-ing Crux this time, I swear" as they fall into the darkness. It's truly a sight to behold." [b]Thanks Cayde. Well we're lucky enough to be joined today by Xur, who is with us in the studio. Welcome to the show, Xur.[/b] Xur: [i]"It is my will to speak to you."[/i] [b]Great stuff. So, can you tell me - what made you want to sell the Gjallarhorn this weekend?[/b] Xur: [i]"There are no birds where I come from the things that fly are like shadows."[/i] [b]Uh, OK. But why now? Is this something to do with the imminent arrival of Oryx, the Taken King - seeking revenge for the humiliating death of his son, Crota?[/b] Xur: [i]"Guardian."[/i] [Aside] This isn't going anywhere, is it? [b]Well that seems to be all we have time for on this today, but thanks again for joining us, Xur.[/b] Xur: [i]"My will is not my own."[/i] [b]That's evident. I've been Dropship dude, and this is the Guardian News Network. More on this story as it unfolds.[/b] [Cameras stop rolling] Alright, who's -blam!-ing idea was this?