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11/6/2014 9:48:58 PM
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What I Love About Destiny and Girls and Things

Destiny

190

Girls

147

Things

57

So I'm s surgeon. I'm in the middle of open heart surgery right now and cant help but think...with how doped up this girl is, would she miss $5.00 in her purse? Okay, all of that was a lie. Bad way to begin a post. 50% lies up there. I really would take $5.00 out of the purse of someone in surgery. If you don't like my investment strategy then, your going to hate my outline for making the girl feel special on our first date. Last post was all about a few of the things that I, and all of us hate about Destiny...as in, the items I brought up were obviously blaring at all of us in the face. But, that's not to say I only have hate in my heart for Destiny. Now I haven't played Destiny 350 hours due to some made up malady invented by Scientology. No way. I wish there was some way I could find out how many hours I have played, but as I understand it, that is now impossible (thanks a lot OBAMA!) Here's my thing...I love that I was able to vote in the recent election at the Tower. As in, I went in, gave them my ID, got kicked out due to "decency issues" (whatever grandpa), came back with clothes (shorts and pasties) and voted. Thank heavens there is no longer a literacy test because I have no idea who the crap I voted for. So, if Miley Cyrus ends up as Governor of America, then blame me. Full disclosure...I thought I was voting for the next American Idol. Obviously this brings me straight back to cocaine. Just between us...I have an invention. My idiot brother who's like a human mechanic or something stupid, said its not going to work, but lets be honest...Wilbur and Orville Wright probably had a couple knuckle heads "poo-pooing" their idea of flight. So here it is (and this is my official Kickstarter kick...off). So here you are, minding your own business with excess money and time to spare...you purchase 200 pounds of medicinal cocaine. But how is one supposed to take down all this white lightning? I'm glad you asked. What if you had a jet pack! Picture the Rocketeer's jetpack (http://tinyurl.com/k2t7ujf). What if one cylinder was a low pressure vacuum, and the other side was something that you could pour a gallon of cocaine into and it would mix oxygen from the environment with the cocaine. You then take a hose leading to/from from each cylinder of the Davey Cocrocket™, one hose up each nostril. NOW...you don't even have to breath anymore. One tube is pushing Cocoxygen™ up one nostril and the other is sucking it out the other side!!!!!! MIND. BLOWN. PROBABLY. LITERALLY. See you in Hell, Boomer! Now, you don't to spend half your day trying to find a dead prostitute to do cocaine off of! Time saver much?! I've contacted Mark Cuban to try to get my invention on Shark Tank, but all got back was a Cease and Desist...from the IRS. Side note, but same topic, Thanks to some misleading advice I got from The Speaker in The Tower (DeeJ)... I once got "the goods" waxed, and I came SO close to tapping out. I thought I was going to die. It was the area right under my belly button but above "the goods" (or "the bads" depending what side of the court room you were sitting on) and it felt like....you know Mel Gibson's last scene in Brave Heart when they're pulling his guts out, and it just seemed to last FOREVER? It was a lot like that. Only my voice was much higher pitched than any woman's. (The line forms to the left ladies) Point being...Scientology was invented by Hallmark so they could sell more cards. If Cocaine's So Bad Then Why It Look Like Sugar, Chalk Outlines
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  • I don't know what the -blam!- that was, but damn. [quote]If you don't like my investment strategy then, your going to hate my outline for making the girl feel special on our first date[/quote] best line ever!

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