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9/2/2014 10:31:31 AM
4
You wanted honest criticism, so here it is:
There's a lot of flaws, but I'm not going to point out all of them.
Your writing is silly, and not in a good way.
[quote] massive protrusion (overhang) [/quote] You don't need to explain what a protrusion is.
[quote] outer worldly extraterrestrials [/quote] It's in the definition of extraterrestrial.
[quote] unknown to us [/quote] this should [i] never [/i] be used outside of scripts or storyboards, it breaks immersion.
[quote] our outer earth friends [/quote] same as above
[quote] seeked out all of what lied in the span of cars [/quote] this is just bad writing. "lie" instead of "lied" would help a little, but it wouldn't totally fix it.
Your dialogue could use some work as well, and you have a tendency to use adjectives for weird things, but that's not necessarily bad, just strange.
If you want to become a professional writer, that's awesome. The two best pieces of advice I can give you are: don't write young adult fiction (which your writing style reminds me of) and read more. Read constantly, in fact. You have a long way to go, but just work at it. You know what they say about 10,000 hours...
English
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Edited by Sintemaza: 9/2/2014 7:59:01 PMBtw I'm 14. Also, I try reading but I'm busy often lately. To be honest, I don't get good grades in English. I'm not doing this for anyone in specific or to practice or to publish, I'm doing this for my own fun! Thanks for the criticism anyways. Also, instead of saying "this is just bad writing" or "this is silly" like an ass, just suggest something..
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Edited by Buckaroo: 9/3/2014 3:41:06 AMI'm not going to write it for you by suggesting sentences, and being honest =/= being an ass. There's nothing wrong with being 14, my criticism would not change at all no matter how old you are. Bad writing is bad writing, but as you said, it's not a serious project right now anyway, so just have fun with it. At least I'm not sucking you off like the other people in this thread, praise by people who don't know what they're talking about is the worst thing an artist can get.
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Edited by Sintemaza: 9/2/2014 10:46:17 PMPraise by people who don't know what they're talking about? They enjoyed the damn story, they aren't respecting or judging it for its literary correctness. And I'm going to state my opinion, it isn't bad writing. NOTHING is bad writing as long as someone tries and puts creativity into it. Its only bad if it's unintelligible and unoriginal. Sure, so far it doesn't seem so creative, but it's only the start. Sorry if I sound pushy right now, but I'm sensitive and things get to me easily. But no no, before you complain, I'm sorry. I do realize you mean bad writing as in a few grammatical errors.
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It's all good man, I know what you're saying, although I don't agree. There's objectively good writing, and objectively bad writing, regardless of how hard someone tried. I don't really believe in participation awards. I'm not going to be upset just because you don't agree with what I said.
