JavaScript is required to use Bungie.net

OffTopic

Surf a Flood of random discussion.

Edited by Otthild: 8/18/2014 8:58:37 PM
148
45
Otthild

The Date With Weed Commando

If you don't care, then really don't bother reading. This is just a shitpost update anyway. It's not like it's a good topic, I just felt like you all needed to be informed. And I know there are a few typos and stuff, just bear with me. So, we met up at the courthouse. I don't own a car so i was assuming he'd pick me up or something. My first impressions were a bit mixed. You see, he arrived very well dressed in a trench coat, but his socks with sandals threw me off. Also his mode of transportation was...different. Well, he comes riding up on a razor scooter. Well, I think it's at least some form of wheels so it could be worse. He was wearing a helmet because you know, it's the law and all. Apparently he put it on over his fedora because the brim was sticking out for all to see. At least he didn't tape it to his helmet and look like a total douche. I ask him if he's like to go to the little coffee shop on the corner for the date. The area has a nice relaxed atmosphere and the crepes are to die for. He insists we go to his favorite restaurant. He assures me I will enjoy the fine dining experience. Being curious, I ask him what restaurant. "That's my secret," he winks and begin pushing his scooter down the street. Naturally, I follow him. He was a little fast on those wheels of his. He often had to slow down at crosswalks so I had time to catch up. Finally I got tired of him going so fast, so I grabbed his hand to try to initiate both a slower speed and a sense of romance. I had to keep regrabbing because they were so sweaty. It turns out his favorite restaurant was a burger joint. And not just any. McDonalds. We go in and there are seriously hambeasts everywhere. I try to ignore this and we go to order food. I don't know how many of you have gone on dates, but when a girl orders food, she orders the smallest amount possible to be polite. And as you all know, I am no lady. I order a 20 piece of nuggets because I was seriously hungry as -blam!-. Then he starts bitching at me and complaining how my order is too expensive. I settle for a 4 piece and a cheeseburger from the dollar menu so he stops making a scene. When it is his turn to order, he decides he wants a large Big Mac combo meal. When it's time to pay, guess what. He doesn't have his wallet. How do you not carry a wallet? I end up paying because I don't want to just stand there and stare at the poor cashier. After we order, we decide to sit at those cafe tables that are like 4 feet off the ground. When the order arrives, he pretends to not hear and makes me go fetch the food. I don't usually have a problem with that, but I had just paid for the meal so I was expecting a little help. Immediately, he digs in and begins to tell me about his life. He wondered why I had been the only girl to take him up on his offer. As he said, he was so nice that it was ridiculous that the other ladies couldn't see it. "At least you enjoy some class!" He yelled through a bite of Big Mac. When you talk with your mouth full, you tend to spew food. He continued to talk about how no one understood him and how he constantly got harassed for being a top quality man. The rants he made about his superior intellect were incoherent because of the amount of food in his mouth. When we had finished with the meal, I decided I'd not make the day a complete waste and invite him back to my place for a bit of the dick tax, you know. Apparently, he was not cool with this idea and begins screaming at the top of his lungs about how I'm a whore and a cheap tramp. The whole restaurant is looking as he goes on and on about his values and the power of his virginity. As you all can imagine, I'm furious by now and leave. I am never going on a date with him again. Consider this an official break up. There was way too much spaghetti than I have time for. I'm sure you all understand. TL:DR: He's beta as -blam!- and I'm better off without a fedora wearing fgt.
Add more answer options

Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • 60% of the time, it works everytime. c;
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • [quote]the power of his virginity.[/quote] Kek
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

  • I'm bumping this because by god, this is the best thing I have ever wrote.
    Add more answer options

    Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

    11 Replies
    • bump
      Add more answer options

      Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

    • Sometimes I forget how good a proper Shitpost can be.
      Add more answer options

      Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

    • [quote]dick tax[/quote] Lmao
      Add more answer options

      Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

    • 1
      Apollo_
      Apollo_

      Im Bant ;-; - old

      Read this in morgan freeman voice [spoiler]golden[/spoiler]
      Add more answer options

      Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

    • 1
      Apollo_
      Apollo_

      Im Bant ;-; - old

      This is amazing, now... if otty and longface teamed up to make a story Sweet mother of god that will be the most amazing mother-blam!-ing thing to ever to exist
      Add more answer options

      Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

    • I cracked up
      Add more answer options

      Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

    • Meh, could have been better. If I had written it, a series of unfortunate events would have left everybody in the restaurant dead, and weed commando would have accidentally had a baby head lodged in his mouth.
      Add more answer options

      Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

      2 Replies
      • There's no way this is real
        Add more answer options

        Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

      • [i][/i]
        Add more answer options

        Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

      • [b] [/b]
        Add more answer options

        Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

      • N-N-N-NECRO!
        Add more answer options

        Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

      • TL;DR
        Add more answer options

        Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

        2 Replies
        • I cringed at McDonald's
          Add more answer options

          Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

        • Ah, the "dick tax" is back!
          Add more answer options

          Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          2 Replies
          • So this is made up right? Lol That sounds awful
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          • Bump
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          • Edited by fraggumz: 3/6/2015 3:21:15 PM
            changed my life do one about me now!
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          • I appreciate this, thank you
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          • What is your ideal date? [spoiler]Just curious[/spoiler]
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          • Man people are still into this dick tax huh.
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

          • bump
            Add more answer options

            Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

            1 Reply
            • Lawl
              Add more answer options

              Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

            • great read
              Add more answer options

              Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post.

            preload icon
            preload icon
            preload icon
            You are not allowed to view this content.